Strangers Stop Fucking Touching My Baby

[FreddyFireflyCanFeckOff]

Why do people think this is okay?!

Am I the ass hole here, or is this just not on? It drives me mad.

[Ragwort]

What a horrible attitude Kittens - my grandmother had alzheimers at the end of her life and one of her biggest pleasures was sitting (with me) in a park or cafe just watching little children play - she didn't actually touch them but just got enjoyment from observing them.

I used to drive elderly people around to day centres as a volunteer and always took my baby son with me; sometimes we would go in to collect one of the clients and I never forgot one elderly lady, very gently touching my DS and saying, 'I haven't touched a baby in over 40 years - no one brings babies or toddlers to the residential homes'. .

[ample]

Oh dear. I stopped to say hello to an old work acquaintance the other day. Her baby was strapped in a supermarket trolley car seat thing and I touched her baby's hair. She had a wispy, feather-light mohican style going on, strawberry blonde. I just couldn't resist a slight touch of it.
Shoot me.

[TrippyMcTrapFace]

Well said MrsDeVere.

[Lottapianos]

'Lotta give me a break, I didn't do it in front of the person '

Oh right, well, that's perfectly normal then

Well said MrsDeVere. Some comments on here are ridiculously precious

[Aeroflotgirl]

Some of the comments are just horrid and sad, not ok to grab baby out of parents arms, kiss them especially on the lips, or poke them, fine to gently stroke a hand or head. Very sad world we live in, nothing like human touch. The op title is nasty and aggressive, well said MrsD

[Fluffsnuts]

I just can't get upset about this. Or when they refer to DS as her. Babies are cute, they are partially designed to improve community relationships (it takes a village type thing). It's instinctual to want to touch, smile, coo at babies.

[acasualobserver]

And I'm not ageist, but it's a fact that on the occasions this has happened it's been elderly people who have done it. I do think it's a generational thing.

Try re-framing your story so black (rather than old) people are the "zombies". Justify yourself by noting that it is always black people who do this and you think it must be a 'race thing'.

[ThisIslandGirl]

But whether you think that the OP is being unreasonable or not, if you know that touching a stranger's baby without asking first might upset them or cause them anxiety then why on earth would you do it?

[Aeroflotgirl]

Unless the parents read Mumsnet, really nobody would think twice about it, would see a hand stroke or foot stroke as completely fine, as it is! Before Mumsnet, it would never occur to me, that it would upset anybody.

[motherinferior]

The vast majority of the time parents beam proudly.

It's the little feet I always fuss over, me.

[AuntDotsie]

Thank goodness DS 14mo fucking thrives on this kind of attention, otherwise we'd be stuffed. He is a veritable magnet for it and will actively seek it out. The incorrigible little flirt will sit in Sainsbo's cafe and hold actual court, handing out high fives, coy smiles and eyelash flutterings to anyone in a 20 foot radius.

Surely the kid's reaction tells you whether it's OK or not for strangers to touch them?

[ThisIslandGirl]

I think part of the problem is that you really don't know what someone is going to do when they lean into the pram. I agree, I personally wouldn't necessarily have a problem with someone, for example, stroking my 9mo DS's foot, but there have been times when people have tried to take him out of my arms and put their fingers in his mouth (total strangers I mean), or the time a woman pretty much chased me around a shop with DS in the sling and was trying to touch his face. It was clear I was uncomfortable and trying to get away but she didn't seem to care.

And even if someone IS uncomfortably with someone stroking a foot or hand or head, should they just have to put up with being unhappy? You can't help how you feel or what makes you unhappy and you shouldn't have to put up with it just to keep strangers happy.

[TrippyMcTrapFace]

There's probably no point us even trying to discuss the horrid ageism.
HQ, despite TGs, doesn't appear to recognise ageism. Whenever I've reported it in the past I'm always fobbed off with 'it's just someone else's opinion'. So of course I no longer bother to report it.

[CheshireChat]

Hah, DS knew that generally old ladies would make a fuss of him so he actively tried getting their attention, still does actually. Was most put out if he didn't have the desired reaction .

[toomuchtooold]

What do you guys think about when the babies themselves don't like being touched? I brought up two little grumpy buggers - DT1 would yell like a car alarm when anyone she didn't know touched her or or talked to her, from about 7 months to about 21 months. (I remember taking them to Tescos at about 9m old and a man smiled at her and she shot him such a dirty look I felt I had to apologise )
I asked people not to touch her, and explained that it was because she didn't like it. I don't regret that, although sometimes it made me feel uncomfortable to be that unfriendly. I think my girl deserved to choose whether she's touched or not.

[BarbarianMum]

Well if you don't like it, or don't think your child likes it, then of course you say something. Just don't complain that people can't read your mind because in lots if parts of the world including the UK interacting and touching babies is pretty mainstream behaviour

[PinkyOfPie]

MrsDevere hit the nail on the head. Who do some of you think you are? People are drawn to babies, because they're so lovely and it's in our biology to behave that way, please don't flatter yourself into thinking you and your precious Messiah are too good and speshul for these people.except in exceptional circumstances, being touched lightly by a stranger (WTF is with the 'fondled' nonsense?) is perfectly harmless.

I do think this is a 'only on MN' scenario. When DD was a newborn she got a lot of attention (and money ) and I absolutely lapped it up. She was gorgeous and I loved that other people thought that too, I was almost offended when people didn't peer into the pram in excitement

I remember when she was about 3 weeks old I was alone in Morrisons cafe and heard a massive gasp from the next table. An elderly woman with her husband and a couple friend said how lovely she was and reached out clenching her hands like a toddler saying "oh could I please hold her". It would be the first time I'd eaten a meal with two hands since she was born and I practically threw her at the woman, who was over the moon. Her only son had passed away so she'd never be a grandma and she adored holding babies, I felt really pleased that I'd brightened up her day a bit and had my breakfast in peace

[PortiaCastis]

Well said MrsdeVere

[PinkyOfPie]

Also OP, don't go to Greece! We took DD before she was 1 and often waitresses would pick her up and take her round the restaurant showing her off to the other staff. DD loved it and we got 10 minutes of peace!

[MaddyHatter]

i never minded the hand/cheek stroking, or head stroking, baby hair is soooo soft.

i was however, and still am, anti 'you must kiss/hug adult relatives' i don't kiss them, i don't make my kids do it!

[BarbarianMum]

Greece, or Spain, or Italy, or Turkey, or most of North Africa. Certainly not India or Pakistan, or anywhere in West Africa or South America. Most parts of Malaysia won't be safe either. Etc etc

[Ineedaheronoidont]

People worried about germs are the funniest on here to be honest. Wait until they're crawling around eating God knows what off the floor...a little touch from a stranger is going to seem like nothing in comparison.