Partner's sister and her troop have invited themselves to our 1st Christmas!

[MJ05]

First things first, I'm in a same-sex female relationship just incase the excessive use of female pronouns confuse people! Also, sorry for the long post - it's a bit of a rant!

My partner (DG) and I have recently had an offer accepted on a house and are planning on moving in around the beginning of November. I'm currently living with my parents while DG is renting a place half hour away. DG's family live 4 hours away and DG had told me that whether we had acquired a house by Christmas or not that she would be spending Christmas in our county and not going to stay with her family. Therefore, I'd made plans for us both to spend Christmas with my parents (as they live local). DG was happy with and had agreed to all of this. As it turns out, we have managed to buy a house (in the same county) and will be moving in before Christmas. We will be waiting until the January sales to buy things like spare beds, a dining table, decent sofas, fully working oven etc. and so I had told my parents that we would still like to come to them for Christmas dinner due to the disarray that our own house is likely to be in. My parents agreed that this was completely fine (plus I am an only child and so it saves them eating alone).

However, today DG has told me that her sister has asked if she, her husband, 5 year old daughter & large dog can spend Christmas with us at our new home this year (she wasn't asked, she's inviting herself). Apparently DG's sister had asked their mother but she's working and her husband's family already have plans (so basically we are a 3rd resort!). DG told her sister that she would need to check with my parents as we were planning on having Christmas dinner at theirs. Why does DG think it would just be fine for my parents to host another 3 guests (when we are only 4 people to begin with) and a dog? I'm sure my parents wouldn't say no, but I know it would be added pressure; they only have a 6 seater table and me nor my parents are 'animal' people (we have never had pets) and I can't see them being happy with having a dog in their home. DG has suggested that we host the dinner in our new home instead. But I also don't want a dog in our home, especially since its new. I've also explained that its unlikely that we will have plentiful furniture by then but DG has said that her sister and family will be happy to sleep on airbeds. They are planning to come down on Christmas Eve (even though DG has work until 6pm and I'd therefore made plans to spend the daytime with family and friends rather than spend it alone) and then leave on Boxing Day.

Am I being unreasonable by not wanting her sister and her troop to come? Why doesn't her sister realise that she would be intruding on our 1st Christmas together? Plus we will have only moved in a few weeks before! I was looking forward to waking up in our new home and having a quiet dinner with my parents. Also, what kind of parents are happy to get their 5 year old to travel for 3 hours on Christmas Eve, sleep on an airbed on the floor, and wake up in an unfamiliar house (that will probably not have a Christmas tree and decorations due to budget!) on Christmas Day to open her presents? Plus it would mean DG's sister packing all their daughters presents into the car, and then after opening them, repacking them all on Christmas Night ready to leave the next morning?!

I don't want to offend DG's sister, but I also don't think we should be changing our plans just because she's invited herself, especially when we were her 3rd choice!

Any advice would help. I've been stressed enough lately with the whole house buying process, working out our financials etc and this is just adding on top of me. I've asked DG if we can promise them next Chrismtas instead (since we at least would have been living there for more than a few weeks by then!) but DG doesn't seem stressed at all, she says she can't tell her sister no, and keeps saying "it'll all be fine, we'll work something out." I want to SCREAM hahaha. Again, sorry for the long post!

[TheBouquets]

PeppaPig is right in that it is months till Christmas and OP and DG have lots of decisions to make on all the house stuff before Christmas.
It is awful the way Christmas causes so many pieces of strife over who is going to which house/family/relative when the Christmas message is all about peace and goodwill to all.

[diddl]

"Therefore, I'd made plans for us both to spend Christmas with my parents"

After asking her?

If not, I'm not sure how her decideing not to travel to her family (so that she would be with you?) equates to going to your parents.

[GoldFishFingerz]

From their perspective (adult and child) it could be quite fun. However you're clearly not able to cope with this at the moment and that's fine

[WhatsMyNameNow]

Ok, how about letting the DSis come as it really does sound like your DG would like them to come. You can forget about worrying about the bed/presents/traveling/decorations issues as they really don't concern you.
Then on xmas day you could scoot off to your parents for a few hours then your DG could join you for lunch. After lunch your DG could nip off when she wanted to join her family and you could join her for nibbles/supper with her family. You will have a lifetime together, being apart for a few hours over xmas really doesn't matter.

[Caken]

YANBU. I'm not a very sociable person (not saying you're not!) and wouldn't be happy with people inviting themselves to stay. That sort of thing makes me anxious. I think I might be Bilbo Baggins...

[witsender]

Her family are intruding but yours aren't?

[Memoires]

OK, put your foot down about the dog. You don't want a dog in your new house, and your parents won't want one in theirs so the dog doesn't come. There's time to find kennels or other family to take it while they're away.

Next, think about how you're going to be spending Xmas long term. Are your ILs expecting to spend every Xmas with you, either up there end of the world or down at your end, in other words, do they expect both families to get together? I don't see why your parents should be expected to host for some people they've never met before just because your not-quite-sil doesn't want to be alone with her dh and child.

we moved into our house a few days before Xmas, and yes, I did Xmas lunch for 8, had Xmas tree, presents wrapped etc. But, the 5 extra people were close family whom we'd spent every Xmas with for over 10 years, I'd ordered the tree and turkey when we'd come down 6 weeks before to check a few measurements, and had kept all kitchen stuff I knew I'd need in a separate box which went straight into the car and barely left my side until we'd arrived here. We didn't have chairs or beds for everyone, but we're all campers so that was OK. I wouldn't recommend doing it under other circumstances.

How well do you know dg's family? Do you know the sister, husband, child?

[Memoires]

DG's sis clearly can't just invite themselves to op's parents' for Xmas, so op and dg can go there as planned, and the sister and her family can have Xmas lunch at a hotel in the area. I bet there's a good one.

This will give op and dg a break.

Dog still can't come.

[Crazycatlady123]

YANBU. Having moved into a new home last December, I totally understand. Took us weeks and weeks to get settled, not many people would find themselves ready to host a whole troop on Christmas Day, plus a dog. We certainly weren't.

Christmas is always a difficult one, especially spending it away from your own family. We'd all rather be with are own mum and dad so I sense that adds to your frustration.

Hope you get it sorted quickly.