Clean Freak

[GivenchyWhat]

Name changed for this as the likelihood of this appearing elsewhere is very high these day.

I grew up in a pretty filthy home in the late 80's. 7 kids in the house, all close in age with 2 working parents meant that cleanliness was never high on my parents to do list.

I had one uniform for school and it would only ever be washed on a Friday evening, so if I stained it or dirtied it in any way, I would have to still wear it until Friday.

We had once a week baths on Sunday, washing up and bin were only dealt with when they reached maximum capacity, I mean dirty plates all over the counter and rubbish by the bin instead of in the bin because the bin was too full.

A few friends commented on the state of my home as a small child and by secondary, I never invited anyone home.

This has left me somewhat obsessed with cleanliness as an adult, everything has to be washed up immediately, baths/showers every day, clean clothes are a must and their can't be a crumb anywhere.

I have 3 DC, I've taught them from an early age how important cleanliness is, my eldest 16 and my youngest 7 have never given me trouble but DD 12 is practically at war with me over this.

She has to be called back to wash her dishes, she wears the same socks until they're not wearable, I have to argue with her to shower or have a bath every night, she tries to sneak food up to her bedroom which I can't stand, their bedrooms have to be clean before bed but all her clothes, books, bits of paper seem to cover every inch of her floor every night and every night I make her clean it.

Last night I told her to clean her room around 5pm, then repeated it after dinner, when I went up at 8, the room was a tip and she was fast asleep on the bed, it took everything I had not to wake her up and just go back downstairs.

This morning at 10, I told her she wouldn't be going anywhere until it was clean. She said okay and then at 11, her friend shows up, they were about to go up to DD's room when I asked DD if she'd cleaned her room, she said no, so I said the room was off limits and that they could sit in the Lounge.

After lots of eyes rolls and mutterings, they sat down and then when DD's friend left, I told her to clean her room again and she called me a clean freak.

I don't think I'm being unreasonable at all, what is so hard about wearing clean clothes and having a clean room. If her room was clean, they could have gone up there but it wasn't.

[GivenchyWhat]

Bloody Hell, I suppose I am being overbearing, which wasn't my intention, DS 16 never complained and just got on with it and I just expected the same of DD.

I suppose cleaning a bedroom doesn't seem like such a big chore to me and I'd much rather wake up in a clean room rather than a messy one.

I can back off on the bedroom to once a week clean but clean clothes are a must, their's plenty of clean socks and why go to bed in clothes you've spent the entire day in, when their's an entire wardrobe of clean clothes, it drives me bonkers.

[BitOutOfPractice]

Can't you see that, as your behaviour is a reaction against your parents and the feeling of not being in control of your environment, so is your DD's?

This

I think, in this heat, a daily shower is reasonable. Cleaning their room every day is not

[fabulous01]

This isn't about showering etc it is her being rebellious. A lady at work had this and she played the game and child changed herself. And is now a clean freak. Choose the battle and hopefully she won't smell

[trinity0097]

Why wear clean clothes to bed when you have already got clothes worn. Most people do not get grubby clothes unless in a very manual job.

Hubby and I frequently wear what we have been wearing all day to bed, e,g. T-shirt / tops and socks/pants. I put the vest on that I am wearing now (in bed) yesterday morning, it will go in the wash tomorrow morning (I.e. 48hrs)

[JenLindleyShitMom]

I don't think you are being oTT at all!! What you describe is how I was raised and how I raise my DCs. It's normal. Although I have noticed over the years that MN hygiene standards seem to be quite a bit lower than the standards of everyone I know IRL.

[SeenYourArse]

I can't believe people think they are clean if they don't shower every day! Ever been woken from a deep sleep? Your invariably damp with sweat when in proper sound,REM sleep yuck o in wash he off every morning.

[SeenYourArse]

• to not wash this off every morning

[formerbabe]

Hubby and I frequently wear what we have been wearing all day to bed, e,g. T-shirt / tops and socks/pants. I put the vest on that I am wearing now (in bed) yesterday morning, it will go in the wash tomorrow morning (I.e. 48hrs)

faints in shock!

[GivenchyWhat]

Tigger apart from dinner which we have together, so either DH or I do the dishes then yes, everyone washes whatever cutlery they've used straight after using it, what's bizarre about that?

[MrsHam13]

The showering every day, as an adult definitely. I can't imagine not showering everyday. The only time I miss one is if I'm hungover and lounging around the house.

However at twelve I think it's normal to not want to. My eldest is eleven and it's every second day Same as my six and three year old. Unless they are dirty, it's been a really hot day (showers every night on holiday obviously) or if they ask for a bath. I'd compromise at every second day with her.

Bedroom, I go up to hoover my youngest bedroom. The Eldest Is ALWAYS a mess. I take a black bag with me and throw the rubbish in the bin, throw the clothes in the wash and everything else is thrown on her bed so I can hoover. I also don't let her take anyone up if her rooms a mess.

Food not upstairs is understandable.

If you REALLY want to make her do it. Don't allow her to have her friends in when she should be tidying and remove any gadgets.

[SylvesterMcM0nkeyMcBean]

I really don't understand people who don't wash every day, and who don't bath/shower their smaller children every night. Surely it's part of the routine: teeth, bath, book, bed? Many of my friends don't wash their children until they 'smell a bit funky', I think it's gross. My children are older and they were ALWAYS clean and in fresh pyjamas for bed, then flannel wash in the morning and clean clothes for the new day. They have not grown up with any issues and they certainly didn't rebel against it

[GivenchyWhat]

Trinity

JenLindley, I'm really suprised at the replies, I thought a shower, clean clothes and a clean room were the very basics

[JudyCoolibar]

Do you really make each of your children wash their own dishes? It seems terribly inefficient. Why not sort out a rota so that one person does all of them. Or invest in a dishwasher?

You also need to unclench about insisting dishes be washed up immediately and "there can't be a crumb anywhere". No-one ever died from leaving dishes unwashed or crumbs unswept whilst, say, the family sits round the table chatting or the person whose turn it is on the rota finishes their homework or watches their favourite TV programme. My mother was like you, and frankly it made for a really tense and unpleasant atmosphere because we were constantly aware of her being twitchy about some minuscule crumb that only she could see, or getting wound up because she thought we should have started washing up.

[Tiggeryoubastard]

I thought you meant after a meal you'd all eaten together. I still think you don't know the difference between tidy and clean though. My ex sister in law is like that, she's filthy but thinks her home is a show home. I'd never eat there. Mucky cow (but I still love her though).

[WhooooAmI24601]

I'm a bit of a clean freak and shower every day and love the house to be clean. I just don't settle til it's tidy.

However, I have a 10 year old and a 5 year old and a dog, four cats, two rabbits and a DH. All a bit grotty and smelly and messy. All inclined to not follow my routine of "put it back right away and then Mummy won't have to screech". It's been a learning curve but I have had to back off; their bedrooms are their own. i draw the line at filthy/dirty rooms but clutter on the floor where they've got toys out and left them there? I have to leave them. I can't hoover their rooms every day much as I might want to.

Some of this is picking your battles, otherwise you're going to be butting heads with your DD constantly. Perhaps give her freedom in her room but have a rota for housework she has to help with. My DCs both help around the house and can sort laundry, put clothes away, fill and empty the dishwasher. But I won't butt heads with them over their bedrooms because they need to have a little freedom.

With the showers I encourage the 10 year old to shower most evenings because he does an enormous amount of sport. DS2 baths every two or three nights because he's a filth-magnet, but every night would aggravate his eczema. Toning things down a little won't hurt them at all.

[julfin]

I agree with others, that she is reacting against your rules in the same way as you reacted against my parents. I did exactly the same - when I was little, my mum was a bit weird about tidying things, and I reacted by putting things away in the wrong places. I don't think I was trying to be obnoxious as such, I was just trying to make the point that she could do what she wanted and I wanted to do what I wanted.

I think she should tidy her room once a week, and then it can be hoovered etc straight afterwards. She shouldn't leave dirty crockery in there, and dirty clothes should go in the laundry basket every day. I think showering/bathing daily is normal, as are clean clothes (although that doesn't necessarily mean unworn, as long as they're still clean, except for underwear/socks which should be fresh every day).

Washing dishes is a household chore. Ideally she should share in the household chores, rather than washing her own dishes specifically. I used to do the hoovering in exchange for (a little bit of) extra pocket money. You could offer all 3 children the option of doing some extra housework, and she might be incentivised because she wouldn't want to miss out on the pocket money, especially if the other children are getting it. (But if she doesn't, that's her choice).

[Bountybarsyuk]

Your definition of clean isn't quite the same as some other people's though. Does your dd look dirty, or smell, or in any way seem unclean?

I'm happy for my older children (girls) to have a shower every two days, once a day if that time of the month though- I mean I'm happy for them to decide to do it like that, if they want to do it more often, that's fine too.

Tidying rooms is done once a week before the cleaner, and they are not super spotless.

I don't have as much invested in having a clean house as you, our house is clean, we have a cleaner, but it isn't a daily grind of keeping clean because there is only so dirty you can get in one 24 hours!

[DollyBarton]

Jen, I wonder if people just talk more openly here. Like would you really know if all the people around you in real life showered every day or not? Contrary to you I find people on mn often OTT about cleanliness. Examples being toilet brushes, cleaning the toilet every day, changing bed linen daily and washing towels after one wash. Disinfecting every surface. Horrified at the thought of children's poo. Terrified of toilets flushing with the lid up. Refusing to buy anything at a bake sale in case kitchen hygiene isn't as good elsewhere. Totally and utterly exhausting attitudes to cleanliness I just couldn't fit in my head without getting very stressed out.

[Gatehouse77]

I don't think you're a clean freak.

I did not grow up in the same situation as you but I consider daily washing a given and mine do too.

Mine are not allowed food or drink in their rooms either.

The dishes one I'm a bit meh about. As long as it's done by the end of the day I'm okay but I do nag them not to leave stuff in the living room. However, now and then I'll have a minor hissy fit and they will scurry around just to shut me up! Or because they know they're in the wrong and they've pushed me to the limit!
For example, I went out this morning and when I got back they were all lounging around in PJs but had made breakfast/lunch. So I refused to cook supper until the kitchen was sorted - dishwasher emptied and reloaded and washing up done. They did it.

[JenLindleyShitMom]

Jenlindley, I'm really suprised at the replies, I thought a shower, clean clothes and a clean room were the very basics

I'm not anymore. MNers are proudly grim

[Haggisfish]

I don't shower every day-every other day here. Stop imposing your ott tidiness (while it is understandable that you have this) on dds.

[ImperialBlether]

Everyone I know IRL showers every day and wears clean clothes - at the very least underwear, socks and a top - every day. I'd consider this normal.

A 12 year old girl really needs to shower every day. There's no way she'll be having a good wash instead. I think the only thing to do is to say that her friends will comment if she smells - that'd be worse than any punishment you could give her.

[GivenchyWhat]

Okay the room I really can get past, I'll close it and mentally count down the days until it has to be cleaned.

Showers, I'll have to think about, going to bed without washing creeps me out a bit.

Clean clothes I can't back down on, she doesn't look dirty and she can sit around in her pj's all she likes but a day is my limit. Their's nothing hard about changing clothes, especially after a shower. Once she was out all day, had a shower and she put the same t shirt back on she couldn't see what was so wrong about it.