to wonder if I'm alone in my boring youth

[otter2954]

It was, for me, boring.

No festivals, no 'girlie' holidays, no illicit drugs, barely any alcohol (don't like it)no one night stands, no concerts, no travels.

I'm perfectly happy but AIBU to wonder if I missed out on a rite of passage? Or are there other boring sods like me out there?

[lolarosea]

I feel like this now and im only just 21, definitely done some of the stuff but I was very ill for a while and in a rubbish relationship and feel like i missed out

I lack the friends to do a lot of it though which is pretty rubbish, if only I could go back and tell younger me to grow some balls

[StillDrSethHazlittMD]

I would have liked a much more exciting youth but lived in a rural area so opportunity wasn't really there. I do often feel I missed out

[Munstermonchgirl]

Also OP when you're older you have greater self confidence and perspective, so you're probably better placed to know how to have a good time without being a part of really shitty stuff. Knowing what I know about the drugs trade, barons, dealers etc I'm glad to have never had any part in such a shitty thing. I also don't feel any regret about sleeping around all over the place with randoms (just some very lovely guys ... Just enjoy being true to yourself and having fun without feeling you need to follow the herd

[TheNaze73]

The late 80's for me were a blur. Never wanted a relationship, lived for dance & indie music in my early 20's, loved Ibiza for seriously clubbing & Majorca for drunken shenanigans & probably had half of Colombia up my nose.
My children are absolutely nothing like me & im so pleased OP. Think what happens is down to circumstances & who you're with & when. Don't regret a single minute of it & I'm so dull now & love it & most importantly, I'm delighted by children are nothing like me

[yeOldeTrout]

I stopped using drugs when I was 13/14... already figured out by then I didn't enjoy them.

Otherwise I had a boring youth too. Which I think was great. Feck all No Regrets. Lots of travels & adventures, just not ones involving being drunk, careless spending of stupid amounts of money, screaming laughter, ear deafening music, sex with randoms, dodgy motorbikes, criminal records & only hazy memories what happened. Escapes me why all that appeals.

[Munstermonchgirl]

I didn't do many of those things either as a teenager OP. Travelled a bit bit couldn't be bothered with clubbing, casual sex or, god forbid, a girlie holiday to Ibiza. I drank a little, but couldn't stand the stink of smoking.

Don't forget though, some of those teenagers living the 'wild' life wouldn't have necessarily found it fulfilling... In fact some of my friends tell me now that they only did the Ibiza thing because their mates were and they didn't want to feel left out

The good news is that It's far more fun to do a lot of stuff when you're older and can appreciate it more. Dh and I regularly do festivals now, and have been known to hit the dance floor if we feel like popping into a club after a meal out. And once in a while I'll overindulge on the vino (though usually regret the hangover )
I think it's all far more fun to do it after you've lived a little, rather than getting sucked into it as a constant lifestyle in your teens. There are so many pressures at that stage - passing exams, uni, establishing yourself in a career- much easier to do all that properly and then let your hair down later

[MrsSchadenfreude]

I worked with someone who decided she was going to make up for her lack of a wild and mis-spent youth in her late 40s. There is nothing sadder or more desperate than someone on the look out for a one night stand or trying cocaine at this age.

[Birdsgottafly]

I married and had my first child young and it was the 80's, Liverpool was poverty stricken and cheap travel wasn't available, so until I was Widowed in my 30's, I didn't do any 'wild living', but was very happy.

I've made up for it since, though.

I'm now in a different phase, at just turning 50, we don't all have to follow the same path.

[ForalltheSaints]

Well the alcohol yes, some of the travels, but none of the others.

[MangoMoon]

Katie

Otter, you've missed nothing, honest!

I loved my life before, and I love it now just as much - I crave peace & tranquility nowadays, it's nice.

[fudgefeet]

I live a very tame and boring life now but grew up in a chaotic household so the things I got up to when I was young did not seem as shocking then as they do now. I don't look back with pride and in my ciurcumstances as well as the people I was around it was a case of having no real role models or boundaries. Thankfully I met my husband at 16 and he inspired me to make better choices and we moved to New York for a fresh start.

[otter2954]

The thing is, I actually do have nice memories of being young, just not those memories! :)

I went to a Coldplay concert recently

[KatieScarlett]

Oh Mango you poor thing.
Have something nice to reward yourself when you get home and thank the deity of your choice that it'll be aaaages before you need to do it again.
(That's how I survive)

[SharkBaitOohHaha]

You're not the only one, I was like that too. However, I did try most of those things at least once (though no drugs or ONS) and didn't like them, so just didn't do them again.

I'm still at the age where many of my peers are still doing those things. Part of me feels like I should join them - but I actually don't want to, because it's just not my cup of tea.

Time will tell if I'll regret not getting stuck in. At the moment, though, I'm pretty content.

[MangoMoon]

Katie, I'm actually going to the pub tonight

First time I've been out since New Year.
Will probs be around Xmas time before I go out again

[SkydivingFerret]

I never did any of that stuff. Sometimes I feel like I missed out

[KatieScarlett]

Yes, I don't drink, smoke, do drugs, shag randomers, go to clubs, do girlie shagfest holidays.
I like the occasional gig. Occasionally.
I really like Netflix and Audible and given the choice would rather stay at home.

[NoCapes]

I did a little bit, I went clubbing every night almost from the age of 15, girls holidays, too much alcohol, shagged too many men
Then I had a baby at 19 and it all stopped rather abruptly
Now I'm 27 and I'm the most boring person on the whole planet
Interestingly I wish I hadn't wasted all that time being pissed or hungover and wish I'd got a proper education and career while I had no responsibilities, it's bloody hard work doing it once you have babies to look after

[MangoMoon]

^Nope, did all of the above.
Got it all out of my system. Nowadays I'm so boring, I bore myself.^

KatieScarlett me too!

I was a pain in the ass teen & a party animal social butterfly adult up until about mid 30s - now I actually bore myself.

[otter2954]

I don't think I'm boring, or have an older mindset! It's just I couldn't do most of them and now I could, I don't want to because most of them are things you'd do with friends and my friends have moved on.

[Abominablebride]

This has been on my mind a lot recently as I think about ds2 who has ASD and worry he won't get to do the 'normal teen stuff'
But the reality is I didn't really do them either I've never been a drinker, smoked on and off but never tried drugs. Have done more concerts/festivals in my 30's & 40's than I ever did in my youth.

Fair share off casual sex but that was spread out over the years I had a long term boyf until I was 19.

I don't really feel I missed out when I was younger, I have fond memories of the friends and things I used to do.

[NataliaOsipova]

Otter - don't worry about it. I was a bit like you when I was younger and had a moment of revelation when I chap I worked with told me that I would "grow into my age". I thought it was a bit patronising at the time, but I look back and think how insightful it was. At 25, my interests were slightly oddball and not cool (like going to festivals was). I still have the same interests in my 40s, but now people think it is really interesting and want to try/come along (and have either lost interest in the festival thing or feel a bit self conscious getting down with the kids).

[Tartsamazeballs]

Most of those things are overrated if it's not something that you naturally enjoy.

Festivals- music is great but the lying in the mud/heat worrying if the next gas canister that gets exploded is going to land on your tent is a bit blah. I never feel like I can really relax because there's so many people off their nuts it makes me uneasy about my personal safety.

Girls holidays- never went on one so wouldn't know.

Drugs- yawn, glad younger people are starting to see them as boring. Ditto drinking. I used drinking as an emotional crutch and liquid confidence, which worked about as well as you'd expect. Usually lead to very regrettable one night stands.

Concerts- ok these are fun, but only if you're into music!

Travels- gap years weren't so much a thing when I was at that age, only one or two of my friends went. Watch the inbetweeners second movie- all that bullshit about finding yourself and not knowing a place until you've trekked barefoot drinking nothing but curdled yaks milk... Blah. Nothing stopping you going as an adult though!

If you feel like you're missing out, why not try doing some of this as an adult. Larmer Tree (hippy) or Rewind (80s) festivals are fun and pretty relaxed and easy going, or your local town might have "Townfest" day festival.

Pick a travel destination, research a couple of places you'd like to stay and grab some Airbnbs a short drive apart. We did this in Madeira earlier this year and it was AMAZING!

I still wouldn't bother with drink, drugs or one night stands. The older I get the more I think that these are things that take from you, rather than give to you.

[otter2954]

I don't think personally I did miss out. It just strikes me as a rite of passage I didn't do I suppose. I did other stuff!

[MeAndMy3LovelyBoys]

Waves at OP I'm another one who didn't do any of that. I did have a few drunken nights out but that was about it.
I didn't do festivals (tbf I wasn't interested in festivals and still not. My idea of hell), didn't go on any girly holidays, didn't do drugs, didn't go travelling, no one night stands...

I feel I've missed out a bit by only ever sleeping with 2 people. But, I'm single now so I might have chance to make up for it seeing as I'm still in my mid 20s.