AIBU to ask if you sometimes look back and think "If only I ...."

[anyhue]

All things considered I'm happy enough with where I'm at in life (health, relationships, finance, ..etc...), and in a better place than many people I know. In some ways I've been lucky, but some very bad things happened along the way too.

However, I sometimes look back and think "If only I had ..." I thinking of examples where the decision seemed minor at the time but has larger consequences.

Example, I had a chance to work abroad for a few months, didn't take it, and it would have led me on a very different path in life (for better or worse).

Anyone else look back and think "If only I..."

[Lessthanaballpark]

Yeah I do it all the time.

If only I'd had the courage of my convictions and stuck with one career path rather than chopping and changing all the time.

If only I'd had more self confidence.

If only I'd taken that year abroad instead of staying because my boyfriend didn't want me to go.

If only I'd saved my money more....

Etc etc!!

[dudsville]

I used to do this, then I realised that in many ways I am the person I wanted to be. I've "aquired" many of the "things" I wanted, even if they aren't just exactly as I pictured it when I was young. So now I go around reminding myself that I am the person I wanted to be! And in that note ice also started wearing the nice clothes etc and appreciating what I have NOW so that I don't look back in 20 years and wish I had realised then how good i had it!

[Trifleorbust]

Occasionally, but there's no point dwelling - perfectly natural to wonder, though.

[Titflaps]

I wish I had taken a chance with the beautiful Italian boy when I was 16... I should have dumped the twonk I was seeing - who ended up shagging my best friend behind my back - and gone with the beautiful Italian instead. Stupid me.

[phoenix1973]

All the time. All that wasted potential.

[Tezza1]

Off topic, I'm sorrry
a fabulous book by Kate Atkinson called Life After Life
I love Kate Atkinson. Have you read "A God in Ruins" based on one of Ursula's brothers? I didn't enjoy it as much or find it as satisfying. Still, I'm anxiously awaiting a new book by her: it's been two years.

[2kids2dogsnosense]

Tezza

Read both of them and enjoyed both of them. "God in Ruins" was a real surprise ending, and it took me a moment to realise that what she was saying was that a single death is not just that - it is the non-existence of a whole range of lives and possibilities.

But agree that "Life after Life" had the edge.

[Silvertap]

?&&09

[anyhue]

I'd forgotten that book "Lie after life" ... will check out the other ones.

Personally I used think "If only..." to have avoided the very bad things that happened, it might be OK sometimes, but I feel to dwell on it is pointless, past can't be changed.

[hotdiggedy]

I think sometimes that if I had lived with a parent or two that was interested and showed care that things might have turned out very differently for me but who knows.

[drudgewithagrudge]

Bertie Wooler was quoting from John Greenhead Whittaker's poem Maud Mullen. It is the ultimate "what might have been" story and shows that wishing things had turned out differently is a waste of time.

He also wrote the hymn "Dear Lord and Father of mankind forgive our foolish ways:

[Hippywannabe]

Yes, I do this. If only I hadn't had to work all the hours God sent to keep everything together when exdh left, I would have more memories of simply doing things with the kids. If only I hadn't had to make the decision to put DH1 into care due to his extreme behaviour, maybe I wouldn't still wake up in the night screaming inside.
BUT, it can't be changed, DS1(now approaching 30 himself) and I are reconciled and 2nd DH is responsible for lot of that by simply being another adult around. DS1 has been back to live with us as an adult more times than I care to remember.
I have a good relationship with all of them but I do wish I hadn't worked as much.
Bit of a mixed up post really but I think I am trying to say that you make the decisions that you make with the best knowledge and with the best intentions that you have at the time.

[LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726]

I do this all the time. I would change everything.

[Puppymouse]

I do have some very specific regrets but to be honest if my decisions had been any different I wouldn't have my DD. And she's incredible. So I can wonder what if... But can't regret what I chose.