To lock the bathroom door and make them ask for the key?

[Obliviated]

Because I am seriously close to losing my temper over the state of the toilet.

The seat is always covered in pee. No matter how many times I have asked them to either lift or wipe the seat, it just doesn't happen. It's 12 year old DS that's the culprit, I'm 99% sure of it. I just used the bathroom straight after him and had to clean the seat first. Again. He denies it.

It's so lazy and disrespectful. I don't exist to wipe up the urine of other people. Unless they are under 5 or something. Three times I've cleaned the toilet today.

I'm considering locking it and keeping the key in my pocket. It's giving me rage.

[ButteredToastAndStrawberryJam]

If some people got a £1 for each and every time they said the word sexist, patriarchy and misogyny they'd be millionaires.

[BeingATwatItsABingThing]

I don't think her DS is being sexist. He doesn't think that only his mum should clean it. He doesn't care if it's a man who cleans it.

[ButteredToastAndStrawberryJam]

Yes, but Bing didn't you know, for some people every single thing always boils down to that.

[BertrandRussell]

"I don't think her DS is being sexist. He doesn't think that only his mum should clean it. He doesn't care if it's a man who cleans it."

He is. He knows who cleans it.

[BeingATwatItsABingThing]

No, he knows that his mum gets annoyed with it. His brother has said he has to clean it too and it annoys him.

[BertrandRussell]

have you ever heard of a woman leaving pee on the seat for a man to clean up?

[BeingATwatItsABingThing]

Pretty difficult for a woman to do that in my experience.

I think you are clutching at straws here and trying to be offended by this.

[BertrandRussell]

Not offended at all!

[Obliviated]

I think it's sexist and disrespectful. It might not be intended/knowingly but what it comes down to is that he think it's his mother's, a woman, job to clean up after him. His brother has to wipe the seat purely because he wants to sit on it, I clean the toilet whether I'm about to use it or not, because that's what (he thinks) Im supposed to do. I've lost count of the amount of times I've pointed it out to him. Unfortunately my view, which is very feminist, is watered down by his dad's constant 'jokes' about girls being 'silly' or 'ew' or whatever. Drives me up the wall. We were watching the Olympics, the gymnastics, and he commented that it was a girls thing, and there's been occasions where he's made comments about football being for boys etc. I try my best to counteract it, but sometimes it's like I'm fighting a losing battle. I was a single parent to the boys for years, they watched me work, do the diy, do everything that is seen as tradionally male as well as traditionally female and it still hasn't sunk in. I live in hope though.

[AbyssinianBanana]

The 12 year old cleans the toilet. It wasn't me. Well it wasn't me either and it's not my job to clean the toilet either. We all use it, we all take turns to clean it.

I helped clean the house at that age - alongside my parents - every Saturday morning. Parents worked full time and they taught us it was everyone's responsibility to pitch in Saturday mornings and clean with them. Sooner it was done, sooner we could all do something more fun. It won't hurt the precious boy to learn how to clean a household.

[fieldfare]

Is he on social media?
Threaten to shame him with pictures. Hopefully the threat alone will be enough to galvanise him into looking wtf he's doing.
Make him clean it up, but if you're caught short and don't have the time to do so, every time you have to clean it you remove an item of his that is highly valued. He can earn them back by doing chores that you're not overly keen on - cleaning the oven, mopping downstairs, cleaning out pets or picking up after the dog etc.
Totally unacceptable!

[celeste83]

I vividly remember my Mum having a similar battle with my little brother when he was probably the same age as your ds. One day he left the loo in a right state and Mum finally had enough and physically dragged him to the loo. She put bleach down and then made him scrub until it was clean. He never made a mess of the loo again.

[RhodaBorrocks]

My suggestion was extreme, I'll admit, but I'm assuming that if DS insists it's not him then simply asking him to clean up after himself wouldn't work. And that OP has already tried this tack. I would think even the merest sniff of OP coming along too would be a nightmare that would shock him enough into behaving.

My DS is admittedly younger, and is also SN, so is likely to need more supervision than other kids, hence why I still accompany and/or check him. But I did ask him how would he like to clear up someone else's wee all the time before he could use the toilet, and how it was disrespectful, which gave him a mini revelation. He wipes up after himself now, but it's more trouble than its worth to get him to use the loo brush just yet as he leaves it caked in shite, but at least he tries. My DParents have backed me up in this and he has to clean up after himself at theirs too.

I don't know about social media shaming - have known of a few young men over the years who have found it funny to post pics of how they have 'destroyed' toilets.

[ShtoppenDerFloppen]

I locked the downstairs one and claimed it as my own. Told the rest of the family they could walk the stairs until they learned to keep it clean.

It took a while, but it actually worked!

[paxillin]

Yes, lock the door and say he will have to ask for the key until he's finished his potty training.

[maninawomansworld01]

Putting a lock on the door involves effort and defacing your door (as I assume you won't want the lock there permanently).

Standing over him / checking and calling him back is a pain as it relies on you being around when he's been to the toilet.

Personally I'd sit him down and say 'right I am fucking sick of this and it stops now. Next time I find a mess in there I'm going to remove your Xbox/ phone/ iPad (or whatever).'

It should stop pretty quickly.

[Minesril]

My dh sits down to pee. It's one of the reasons I love him much! We will be teaching our ds to do the same.

[Eustaciavile]

I'm appalled by some of the suggestions on this thread, please ignore them OP.

Do people seriously think it's ok to use humiliation as control? Suggestions that you accompany him every time or threaten to expose his misdemeanours on social media are seriously out of order and will teach him nothing other than how to control others when he's an adult. Restricting access to the toilet in his own home Is not on at all. None of us approve when schools do this.

I can also imagine the (totally justified) outrage if a man applied any of these suggestions towards his female partner if she left splashes of whatever on the seat; but it's ok to treat a child in this way?

I have 4 children, all aged 11+ , 3 of them male and believe me we have had our share of toilet crime scenes over the years

It's annoying beyond belief, and I've had a fair few "who was in there last" rants myself!

It passes as does childhood. At 12, there's probably so much else going on in his head that he barely even notices trivia like wee on seats, so keep reminding and encouraging him to leave things nice for the next person. Breathe in, count to 10 smile and ask him to wipe up when he does it for the 100th time.

But please don't humiliate him.,When you're old and looking back on life, I promise you won't be thinking "I'm so glad I spent all that time worrying about wee on seats when my lovely son was 12"

[ButteredToastAndStrawberryJam]

We will be teaching our ds to do the same. just at home or school too.

[paxillin]

Eustaciavile, the "I have more important things to do than such trivia as piss or shit on a seat" is ages old and lots of grown men use it. I too have more important stuff to do and I dare say more stuff is going on in my head than in a 12 yo's. I still don't shovel his shit. So yes, confronting it is important or else he will always think whatever is going on in his head is more important than the woman who wipes his piss.

[NancyNamechange]

Why can't he pee sitting down?

All men can do it.

[BertrandRussell]

Just checked with the men available to me at the moment. Both sometimes pee sitting down. Ds says he does at school sometimes- he locks himself in a cubicle, sits down and has a "breather from life"- neither of them think it's remotely humiliating. And they both think that expecting women to clean up your pee is sexist.

[AbyssinianBanana]

After reading Eustaciaville's post, I now understand. I pity the women who first move in with her son's and face a pee-stained toilet and think what the actual fuck - didn't your mum teach you how to wipe your own piss off a toilet?!

N