To be pissed off with this 'present'?

[Afternoondelights]

For a bit of background before I start my rant, my dh loves his PlayStation, tablet, and phone to the point where his usage of them causes a lot of arguments. If I had my way I would scoop up the whole lot and bin them. Our two ds aged 12 and 6 also love them but I limit their screen time to avoid arguments.

So. Today is my birthday, we are renovating our house at the moment so funds are tight, I had asked dh to only spend a small amount on presents - normally we like to spoil each other on birthdays. He got me a new tablet. I was gobsmacked a) we have no money and b) he knows how i feel about 'gadgets'! After a lot of evading the answers to my questions, I establish that he has also bought himself a new tablet and the money has come from money we were saving for a new cooker. I was so annoyed but couldn't say anything as it's my birthday, he had cooked breakfast, ds thought I was v ungrateful etc etc.

The fact that the money came from already allocated funds has really pissed me off - i constantly have to remind him that both our wages (he works ft, I am pt) is family money and we need to make decisions together. He just doesn't seem to get it.

I'm also mightily annoyed that yet another two bloody tablets are in the house. I gave my tablet to our eldest ds as he is starting secondary school and it will help him with research, etc. I couldn't return it as we had an account with the kitchen shop where the future cooker was and they would only give credit.

Aibu to be pissed off about this? It's been a shit day, all my fault for being so ungrateful.

[Cagliostro]

I suggest your DH gets a cooker for Xmas from you. I've no doubt he'll be thrilled!

THIS :o

[Afternoondelights]

Apologies for the typos, one eye on gbbo

[Afternoondelights]

2Rebecca, he's working late tonight so I don't really want to start a discussion then, over a meal and away from the hassle of the house I have a better chance of making him understand how important it is that we work as a team.

We have sat down in the past and worked out a proper budget to cover everything and then with spending money allocate each. I choose to spend mine on my hobbies - sewing and crafts - and he sounds his on gadgets and ps games. there's no spending money at the moment but in a month or so that will change. I think my resentment stems from him spending so much time on the ps/tablet/phone - we will be watching TV or playing outside with the kids and he will disappear and I'll find him having a sneaky game!! As a family in the past we have agreed on set times for it but he just won't stick to it after a while. V frustrating, it makes me feel I have three kids instead of an equal partner and two kids. I may cry on Saturday evening after a glass of wine and see if that hits home

[Cherrysoup]

eBay or gumtree, all the way. If it makes a loss, tough. It was incredibly selfish to buy this as a cover for him getting a new one. We definitely discuss stuff like this and my DH asks what I want or I link him something. Do the next time, OP. What a knob he's been.

I echo, nice meal out is not the time or place.

[2rebecca]

I don't think the time to have an argument/ discussion over him using your birthday as an excuse to buy gadgets you can't afford is over a nice meal out. I'd be discussing it this evening and insisting future purchases over a certain amount are decided together and if he wants a new gadget he discusses it like an adult rather than getting you unwanted gadgets as an excuse for him to buy himself one when it isn't even his birthday.
On the other hand if gadgets are important to him that should be factored in to the discussion. Your not liking them and feeling he should grow out of them doesn't help.
he would maybe rather have a gadget than a new oven and maybe would like less money spent on renovations so there is more money to play with.
This sort of stuff should be discussed though but it does sound as though he doesn't feel able to openly buy himself what he wants in the relationship despite earning the most.

[OliviaBenson]

Sorry op, but can't you speak to him tonight once the kids are in bed?

This is so unbelievably selfish I couldn't not say anything until the weekend.

[Afternoondelights]

I will be insisting that the cooker fund is replaced asap out of his own money and not family money. It's just so demoralising that he didn't talk to me, if he wanted a new tablet for himself that's OK. we used to work as a team and properly discuss things, not sure when it started to change...

We're going out for dinner in Saturday so hopefully have a good heart to heart then, away from kids, builders and gadgets!!!

[Afternoondelights]

He wasn't always a knob, we're together over 20 years, married for 17, it's just that as we've acquired responsibilities - mortgage, kids - I've started to realise that while I've grown up, he hasn't! He has a stressful job so his downtime is his gadgets which is fair enough I suppose. I did ask him once if he would still be a PlayStation addict at the age of 50 and he didn't see anything wrong with it!!

[GirlOverboard]

YANBU. Why didn't you return or sell them though? Your DS can make do with a cheap Amazon Fire.

[anotherdayanothersquabble]

Wow! Not only is he spending money on things you don't want, he is using your present as a smokescreen. The least he could do is buy his own toys and argue the point. Sorry about the cooker though. . Good luck with the chat.

[honeysucklejasmine]

That's so out of order. Agree that he gets a cooker for his birthday.

[chicknquack]

I agree, ebay both of them and expect him to ebay something of his to make up the money. Keeping them just means his tactic to buy himself a new tablet worked.

I would also be turning cooking over to DH in the evening/weekends until the money is replaced.

[AHedgehogCanNeverBeBuggered]

He's a selfish idiot.

[OliviaBenson]

I'd go nuclear op, what a twat.

[GoldFishFingerz]

Start banging on how you have too much technology in the house and don't want any more. Return anything he buys.

[Lorelei76]

That's not a present if he knew it's something you didn't want in the first place!

[puglife15]

Fucking hell.

Nice example he's seeing there for your kids too.

Selfish, childish, thoughtless and manipulative. YANBU.

Every time I go on mumsnet I come away questioning why people insist on procreating with nobs.

[expatinscotland]

What a dickhead. Both of those fucking tablets would be returned.

[CatNip2]

So you already have an iPad, but now you have another? Let me guess, he bought you an iPad Pro cos he wants one?

[Goingtobeawesome]

Why has he night himself another one? How many does he need?

[Sierra259]

YANBU - I would be furious and expect him to replace the funds for the tablets from his personal money if they can't be returned. I would also EBay both of them and treat myself to a spa day with the proceeds!

[EatsShitAndLeaves]

YANU

He's bought himself a present not you.

I love my (far too many) gadgets but I don't buy them at someone else's expense.

[e1y1]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

So of course DH's birthday "present" is going to be a cooker, and as the same time you simply must buy yourself something.

[Pisssssedofff]

I'd hide the money from him until he knows how to be an adult

[VeryBitchyRestingFace]

he got me an ipad for Xmas, I was a bit hmm but gushed over it as I knew it had been expensive

Ah, your fatal mistake!

Can you take this tablet back?

Do you think he might be willing to consider buying your present from his own spending money rather than family funds?