to have asked MIL to unbook hotel?

[foreverclockwatching]

Our first baby is due end of September. It is first grandchild for all involved too. A few weeks ago MIL announced she had booked two nights in a hotel for her and her DP to come and stay at 2 weeks after due date. DH and I were a bit about this as she had not discussed this with us. We absolutely want her to come down fairly imminently after the birth (she is its grandmother afterall) but were concerned about the plan to stay two nights as she's not very good at picking up social cues and would be likely to stay from earlyish morning until fairly late at night. Her DP whilst a lovely man is very very dull and I don't know him that well so not sure how comfortable I will be if I am still trying to get the hang of BF. DH is worried that I may only literally just have had the baby when they arrive and we will still be trying to get to grips with things and have visitors for two days. I guess my question is are we being unreasonable to ask her to cancel the two night booking and come for 1 night to be booked when the baby actually comes i.e. one or two days after birth and then to come for a longer period and possibly stay with us when we are a bit more settled? Definitely don't want to upset her.

[user1471552005]

Maybe it's up to the OPs OH to step up to the mark here and deal with the situation.
He must know his own mother better than the OP and either perhaps have a chat before hand about the concerns, and while she is welcome, visits may be only brief, maybe suggest a local restaurant they could visit or some sightseeing while they are there.
It should also be up to him to say politely when " visiting time " is over,

There is a great element of the unknown here too, while some mothers are still feeling bad after the birth, tired, real physical discomfort and pain, breastfeeding problems, many are not.
At two weeks I was fairly active with my babies, enjoying days out and going out for lunch etc, I really appreciated the breaks from being stuck in the house.

While it is wise to be prepared for a period of convalescence after birth we are all affected in different ways. You may be pleasantly surprised.

[diddl]

I don't think that it would be all that terrible to say that the baby might not be here & would they rather wait?

If not then there's nothing you can do other than manage the visit to be as you want it to be.

Does make wonder how much some GMs remember about giving birth themselves!

When I phone MIL to say that I needed them to come over to look after PFB, she asked me what she should do about the casserole she had in the oven & then put me onto FIL as she just couldn't think.

FIL, thinking that he was being all clever & organised came on the phone & said "right, what time will you be having this baby then, how long will we need to be there?"

[Cosmiccreepers203]

sand My issue here is that she hasn't consulted the OP first before booking and hasn't asked what the parents arrangements my be. It sounds stupid but some people genuinely want a week or two on their own with the baby.

I just get cross with the idea that new mothers have to suck it up and be driven by the wants and desires of others. But that is perhaps because I wanted alone time with my baby and was never 'allowed' any by relatives.

OP- it probably isn't worth upsetting her over. It is only two days and you might have given birth four weeks earlier! Just prepare her for the idea that the baby might be late. My DD would have been a day old at that point. She has every right to be excited but you just make sure that you lay your ground rules firmly but in a fairly chilled way. The last thing you want is to fall out over this and make things tense. Believe me.

Also, make sure everyone knows that people who bring food (actually prepared, ready to eat food) get more cuddles and stay longer

[magoria]

If all goes well can't you feed the baby shove it in the pram and let your DH and his family go for a stroll for an hour or so while you snooze/have a bath/just chill?

Get them out of the house for a bit and then you may be a little more relaxed when they come back to have a coffee with them and then say you and the baby need to go feed again, and same time tomorrow?

[Tiredtimster]

I think you are being a bit harsh on the MIL. You are happy for your parents to be around but not your OH's. One day your pfb will grow up and if he/she had children would you not like to actually see the chikd when it's born? Can't understand posters saying to wait a few weeks/months! Wtf for?

[Chocolatefudgecake100]

Sorry but yabu shes booked to stay at a hotel not like shes asking to stay with you is it? Your other half should be able to
Tell his own mother when its too much and ask her to give space but frankly i find this odd that your worried when shes staying in a hotel would u not moan more if she wasnt interested at all?

[Cosmiccreepers203]

Tired The point is she booked it without asking OP or her DH first. Would you arrange a visit to someone without checking it was convenient first? Why do the rules suddenly change when there is a baby involved.
No one is saying her mum should see the baby more. But aren't the first weeks more about mum learning what she needs to do and both parents getting themselves sorted with baby stuff than about who gets to see the baby for how long. The baby will never remember this. But it probably will be affected by over tired parents who are trying to juggle visitors, feeding and sleeping.

[diddl]

It's great that she's booked a hotel, but she's probably going to want to have breakfast, spend day at Ops & go back for evening meal.

So unless she's not wanting to visit Op, she should have spoken to Op about it imo.

[fanjoforthemammaries7850]

Sorry but I think you would really really offend her. I'd let her come but then be assertive about needing space if she hung around too long.

[JessieMcJessie]

She's just made a reservation, and then told OP and her DH. No money paid and easily undone if there's an issue. Hotel rooms can go quickly, nothing wrong with that.

[CatyB]

Eh, it is a very delicate manner. What does your partner think of this? It's his parents, after all.

[elodie2000]

You're overthinking this OP.
Your Mil has only reserved a room.
Two weeks after your due date.
If the baby arrives late, they will have to change their booking.or If they can't, they can see you/ new baby by arrangement whilst they are still n the area.
They are not staying at your house so I really don't see the problem! As for staying all day, you DH has to invite them over for 'a couple of hours' and make it clear to them!

[missm0use]

I was 13 days overdue when I gave birth and as if had a difficult labour ended up staying in hospital for 4 days after giving birth! I was on antibiotics for 2 weeks after I got home as well!

I'd suggest that she'd be better waiting till the baby is born and then making plans to come visit you. Because honestly you just don't know how your going to feel until it happens.

[Lilacpink40]

I second the wait until the baby's born comments. Also think that your DH should be the one to communicate this and help rearrange.

[loulou0987]

definitely explain that the baby might not be there 2 weeks after due date, Im sure not everyone understands this!! (or tell her youve had another scan and due date is a bit later??) that gives you a bit more wiggle room and hopefully you will have had the baby and be used to it all before they come.

[takesnoprisoners]

It is just 2 days! YABU. Just grin and bear or sleep. How hard can it be?

[Iggi999]

If these are otherwise perfectly normal people and nice inlaws then you are being very unreasonable. You need to manage the stay-all-day thing, which actually makes it better if they are there more than one day as they can do two shorter visits. Many proud grandparents expect to come to the hospital (or the birth!) so this seems the height of reasonableness to me unless there is an untold story.

[TwatbadgingCuntfuckery]

I agree re pushing it back. I was 9 days over and had to spend a full week in hospital.

you could end up with complications, a EMCS, tearing or other difficulties and having people around so soon would be a waste and really get on your nerves!

fwiw my gran came to visit on my due date for 2 weeks. She only got to see DC at my home for one day and spent that entire time on her own! I was admitted with a suspect blood clot so very serious reason for being admitted. she still hasn't forgiven me and is part of the reason we dont see her any more.

[dietborebingo]

My DS was born in the evening of 42+1. Due to emergency C section, we only got out very late at night 2 days later. In the same circumstances, your MIL would have completely missed a visit!

[BagelGoesWalking]

Don't forget, it's not about you "hosting", they would like to see their new grandchild and have been pretty good actually about booking a hotel.

If they overstay, just say you really need to rest.

Is she the type of person to help out at home? Could you ask her to sort out washing or do a bit of ironing? Can she do lunch or any little thing that will pass the time and make her feel useful as well (God, I know that sounds patronising but it's not meant to be!)

[Misty9]

With dc2 I went 9 days over and my mum and family had all come to visit (sort of coincidentally) the week I was due so I got lots of 'tips' about how to induce labour from them! Brother and family went home the day I went into labour. Mum stayed extra night in hotel and just got to meet dd (she loves abroad) before flight home

I think mil 'popped' over while I was in labour (homebirth) but I wasn't too aware and they were shooed away by dh before they got to the front door!

[Iggi999]

If you are still in hospital it's hardly a "wasted" visit, people are allowed to visit you there you know! Grandparents on both sides visited both my DC on either the day they were born or the day after each time. After you and your dp, they are likely to be the people on earth who will love your DC the most.
I think you need to give them a chance.