to wish my DH would SHUT UP IN THE MORNINGS??

[Niggit]

We've been together for a long time, and he KNOWS I'm not a morning person. But he has to get up before I do in the morning, and he'll deliberately bounce on the bed while he's getting dressed, and he will talk to me. Every. Single. Morning. This morning he was discussing our evening meal, and I was answering him - well, ok, I was grunting, but they were reasonably polite grunts. So then he flounced (loudly) round the bedroom muttering, "Don't talk to me in the mornings - don't talk to me in the mornings..."
Really? After all these years he still tries to hold a conversation before my first cup of tea?
AIBU?

[bikerlou]

My husband knows that his life will not be worth living if he disturbs me before 6.30am when I get up.
You are too soft, wake up at 3am and wake him up with a claxon until he packs it in and/or the neighbours get a noise abatement order.

[RunnyRattata]

He's not thoughtless. His behaviour this morning demonstrates contempt for your clearly expressed wishes. If he had an issue he should have discussed it during the conversation last night. As it is, actions are speaking louder than words.
What are you going to do OP?

[Niggit]

Thanks, all.

What am I going to do? Well, tomorrow I do actually have to be up before him, so maybe I'll do some bed bouncing and take some particularly noisy cereal up to eat beside him - maybe some nice slurpy hot porridge that will need a lot of blowing on? Trouble is, while that may lead to the desired conversation, there is always the danger that he'll sit up all bright eyed and bushy tailed and go, "Well, this is nice! See what you're missing in the mornings?" In which case I guess I'll have to try having the conversation again in the evening, but I'll stick to my guns, because I feel I really have a valid point now. Self confidence is not my strong point, and I was worried I was making a lot of fuss about nothing.

[RunnyRattata]

You really aren't.
I wouldn't do the bouncy thing tomorrow as it trivialises it. Why not point out that you had the conversation but he repeated the behaviour this morning which means he either wasn't paying attention, he didn't think he needed to adapt his behaviour afterwards or he thinks his own wishes are more important than yours. Ask him why he repeated his behaviour then be quiet and expect an answer. Keep restating that you need a response and repeat the question. Obviously phrase this in your usual words and be calm but don't let him off the hook. Make him give you and answer.

[ijustwannadance]

You are definately not making a lot of fuss about nothing. He is being totally disrespectful and using your lack of self confidence to choose to ignore you as he thinks you will just shut up and carry on as is.
You need to be a bit more assertive Niggit.

[happypoobum]

Oh dear, I suspect I am like this I bounce out of bed singing around 6.15 and would consider quarter to eight as time everyone was up and doing things!!

I can't stand it when people try to have a serious conversation with me late at night any time past 9pm though as my brain is in total fog by then and I won't remember a single thing they have said.

[YouTheCat]

Happy, does it piss anyone off though? And if it was would you calm it down a bit?

[ijustwannadance]

happy get off the thread! All that morning chirpyness.
I am the complete opposite. I am at my peak around 9pm. If DP is working late I regularly do housework then or exercise.

[RaspberryOverload]

happypoobum Wed 17-Aug-16 15:53:31

Oh dear, I suspect I am like this I bounce out of bed singing around 6.15 and would consider quarter to eight as time everyone was up and doing things!!

Some years ago, not long after mum had retired (dad had already retired due to a disability), dad was grumbling to me about mum when I visited one morning.

He was moaning about mum not being up early, while he was doing the hoovering.

I pointed out to him that he was retired, mum was retired so what did she have to get up for? That it wasn't as if mum actually stayed in bed any longer than he did, as she went to bed later than him. That she could often be found loading the dishwasher, or some other housework, late at night after her'd gone to bed, as she was a night-owl.

I've never heard another moan about mum's sleeping habits

[happypoobum]

DD gets the proper hump, miserable cow. Tells me to stop singing! Happydog, Happycat, and DS are all very happy in the mornings too though, so DD is totally outnumbered.

Never mind, she leaves for Uni soon so it will be a house of morning people

[happypoobum]

Raspberry I am sure you are right - Night Owls and Larks should not marry!!! I wouldn't dream of marrying a Night Owl as I know they would infuriate me and vice versa

[MrsTerryPratchett]

My dad used to sing in the morning. I barely spoke to him for two years when I was a ten aged. Those things may be connected.

[MrsTerryPratchett]

Teenager.

[RaspberryOverload]

Having just gone back and read the update, it seems to me that OP's DH is simply being incredibly selfish.

Despite the conversation with OP when she'd been careful to point out, in a reasonable way, that it irritated her and not to do it, he's gone and done it.

Clearly he doesn't consider her needs or desires worth respecting. Whatever good points he may have, this alone makes him an arsehole.

[HoneyDragon]

The purposefully eating breakfast next to someone sleeping thing is grim. As is obsessing over the evening meal.

[eiledon]

AIBU to think that 'On Planet Fruitcake' is not suitable suggested reading material for a 7 year old. i was reading it to my DS and had to give up after chapter seven. the premise of it is great. Philip is too shy to speak up in class, so develops a coping mechanism where he pretends to be on another planet so he can openly and confidently talk in front of the class and engage in discussion. all good. til he starts talking about a man running round with a bloody axe attacking people. then someones pet getting killed. then someones friend getting lost in the jungle, found by natives, killed, made into stew and fed to surviving friend. i could take no more and closed he book. i was skipping bits of it for fear DS would be traumatised and end up not sleeping for a week. i know tgere is probably a philosophical message in there somewhere but i found it quite disturbing.

[eiledon]

sorry Niggit i didn't mean to put the post about Planet Fruitcake on your thread.
and btw you are not being unreasonable.

[IggyPopsicle]

I avoid all morning small talk by taking everything I need straight into the bathroom (clothes, bag, jacket), and once I am ready I march straight out the front door, with a bit of Drum & Bass on the go to wake me up. I have breakfast at work before anyone else arrives. Its brill.

Mind you, I usually go for a run after work, and I get properly pissed off if someone tries to engage me in conversation when I am sweaty and out of breath. I call it my "sweat rage." Its probably all that adrenaline coursing through my veins and bitter intolerance

[IfNotNowThenWhenever]

Yanbu. At all. He is. My fella (who I don't live with) will naturally be up before 7, even at the weekends and is vey happy in the mornings (freak). I don't usually hear him get up, he goes and has his coffee, reads the news in the kitchen, and bring me a cup of tea, very quietly at 9
If I get up before then I can sit mute in the kitchen with my hair like Wurzel Gummidge and he sorts out breakfast. I never asked him to be like that, he's just respectful of our differences.
Bouncing on the bed with shoes and cereal?? He'd be out the door!

[INXS]

How did the chat go, OP?

[Niggit]

We have a result!! I picked my moment, and said my piece. At first it was all very predictable - his bottom lip came out, and he started trying to tell me that I was wasting time I could be up doing stuff, etc, etc - but I was persistent and firm and stuck to my guns (thankyou for all the advice!).

And for the last couple of work mornings he's got up, there has been no loud dressing, no bed bouncing, no cereal crunching...it's great! The only thing he has started doing, when he comes upstairs to kiss me goodbye, is to say in a stage whisper, "I DIDN'T DISTURB YOU AGAIN THIS MORNING!", but I guess I can live with that. If he carries on I might have a badge or a rosette made and hand it to him next time he says it, but it's a a vast improvement!

eiledon, no problem. I'm glad it's not just me who does these things!!

[RunnyRattata]

It's great that there's progress. Well done you. But by god he's a determined fucker isn't he, with his stage whispering. If he's kissing you goodbye (why ffs when you've told him not to disturb you) his eye would be within jabbing distance and being woken from sleep can trigger the primitive startle response I've heard.

[PuntasticUsername]

"The only thing he has started doing, when he comes upstairs to kiss me goodbye, is to say in a stage whisper, "I DIDN'T DISTURB YOU AGAIN THIS MORNING!""

He's doing WHAT? Christ, he really doesn't give up without a fight, does he?

DH does the same actually. When he's finished getting dressed he kisses me goodbye before he leaves the bedroom. Then when he's done downstairs he comes up again to kiss me goodbye FOR A SECOND TIME before actually leaving the house.

Which I don't feel I can complain about because he's just doing it cos he's affectionate and he loves me, but dammit I just got back to sleep after you left the room THE FIRST TIME and now here you are waking me up AGAIN and this time I will NOT get back to sleep again after you go, WOE IS ME etc etc etc.