Controlled crying

[FuckFaceMagee]

Aibu to wonder how people do it?

I honestly can't listen to a baby cry longer than a few mins, at a push.

[SteviebunsBottrittrundle]

Was just about to say what purple did. We never did CC, but I did read up on it and thought it was only ever meant to be for a few minutes not 30 . No wonder you didn't like that!

[Champagneformyrealfriends]

wheres

Op your post does come across as sanctimonious. Sort of a "I just can't listen to my precious little darling in emotional pain, please cruel CC, teach me how..."

[Writerwannabe83]

Because some people are functioning on so little sleep that they cannot look after their children properly, they cannot drive safely and their mental health is at great risk.
Because done in the right way, it does NOT involve leaving a child in a room alone for 30 minutes until they are sick. It involves returning at very regular intervals.
Because some children are not getting enough sleep to thrive properly and need help to get better rest

That's exactly why people do it.

I did it at 10 months of age because physically and emotionally I just couldn't cope anymore with so little sleep, I was on my knees with exhaustion and spent most of my days crying.

We did increments of 2, 4, 6 and 8 minutes.

[FuckFaceMagee]

I wasn't asking why people did it nor judging. I'm asking HOW. But thanks, so distraction is key!.

And where's I've reported you for troll hunting. I've been here for months.

And initially I'm asking because I've just found I'm pregnant with number 2.

[Writerwannabe83]

The Sleep Specialist I worked with told me that when I was in an OK frame of mind then me and DH should sit down and write a list of all the reasons we were doing CC and then if we had moments of weakness during the CC we should then read that list to remind ourselves why we're doing it which will help us stay focused.

It really helped. As did having a supportive DH, you both need to be on the same page and face it together. It can be hard emotionally, as nobody wants to hear their child cry, so it's important you have back-up and you know that the job of CC isn't just yours alone.

[WhooooAmI24601]

I haven't used it but can understand why some do. DS2 is 5 but as a baby he never slept. I don't mean he woke often, I mean he absolutely never slept for longer than 40 minutes at a time and needed far less sleep than an average baby. Having two children to run around after, a DH who works away often and various other commitments, I went almost mad trying to find new ways to get some sleep. For us co-sleeping was the solution and even now he'll get into our bed if he wakes through the night occasionally. For others co-sleeping just doesn't work.

It's easy to judge if you have a baby who sleeps regular hours. Lack of sleep is correctly described as torture, because after a while you simply cannot function. My mantra with the DCs was always 'you do what you need to so to survive'.

[blueturtle6]

Omg poor baby!! Controlled.crying isn't 30 mins, it's five mins check and then build up time. If she's crying she's crying for a reason.
Why do most men think they know best. Sorry bit of a rant.

[GinIsIn]

Because 10 mins and 30 mins is not controlled crying! CC is meant to be a few minutes and once they've learnt to settle you can increase the minutes, not just 'mean mummies leaving their neglected babies to cry'

[Darthvadersmuuuum]

I did it. It was hell for a week. DD slept like a dream afterwards and it was lovely hearing her cooing in her cot in the mornings, content in her own company after a good night's sleep. Clearly, I'm an awful mother

[YouSay]

I did it with my first. She could never just go to sleep and was always over tired and miserable. First night took about 10 minutes (I checked on her about three times) second night she cried for 3 minutes. From then on she slept brilliantly and was much happier.

[Babyzoo]

It's usually a last resort. Some people are desperate to get some sleep and their evenings back and for their child to get some sleep.

I don't think controlled crying is to leave a child to cry for 30 minutes or until they make themselves sick. Hence why it's called controlled.

It's leaving them for a few minutes at a time before returning. It's also about not bringing them back downstairs and not rocking them to sleep but trying to get them to sleep in their bed.

[YouSay]

As for the how - I sat on the stairs outside her room and went on Mumsnet. Yes it was not pleasant but so worth it. Thankfully I didn't need to do it for Dc2 but I would do it again if I had to for all our sakes.

[JasperDamerel]

I had a conversation about this with friends, and it emerged that we had all responded very very differently to the crying. The ones who sleep trained found listening to the crying difficult but not literally unbearable. I don't know whether that was because the non sleep trained babies went straight into very distressed crying or whether it was to do with the parent. I was able to leave a tantrumming toddler to cry to calm down, but the same child as a baby at night. So I think, for a lot of people, it's not really a method you can learn.

[JasperDamerel]

Not the same child as a baby at night.

[Babyzoo]

I doubt many people find it easy to hear their child crying either. But functioning on a couple of hours sleep in the name of not letting them cry doesn't make you a better parent than someone who can't or doesn't want to.

I didn't do it by the way but I can understand why people do.

[witsender]

Yanbu op.

[ginplease83]

Because I had to. I'm a better mother with a proper nights sleep and DD functions better the next day when she has too. She actually didn't know how to go to sleep so I had to teach her.
It absolutely killed me to begin with and I started with 2 min working up to 10. However if she got ballistic I'd stop and we'd have a break. When she gets that upset there's no returning. The downsides are that she will only sleep on her own now, no cuddles for mummy in bed 🙁

[HonkHonkNose]

That's the price you pay - leave your child to cry

[HonkHonkNose]

Bloody hell, posted too soon.

Meant to say if you leave your child to cry for you they learn no one is coming (obviously) hence they're not going to want you at bedtime. My mental health suffered as well when dd was up all the time with teething pain but I'm so glad I never left her.

I cuddle my dd to sleep still and I wouldn't change it for the world as they grow up too fast. I feel really strongly about not leaving children to cry as I was left and know it's had an impact on me.

[NellWilsonsWhiteHair]

I cuddle my dd to sleep still and I wouldn't change it for the world as they grow up too fast. I feel really strongly about not leaving children to cry as I was left and know it's had an impact on me.

Same here.

And for those saying "it's easy to condemn if you had a good sleeper", this was DS who didn't sleep for more than 60 mins at a time until he was 2. But by 2.5 he was sleeping through the night, and since then has briefly gone through phases of taking himself off to bed and sending me away. Self-soothing doesn't have to be learned through the experience of having no alternative.

That said, I do have friends who've done it and am perfectly capable of nodding sympathetically and agreeing that the most important thing is that the whole family is able to function. But do I understand how anybody bears the process? No.

[nooka]

We did controlled crying with ds but not with dd. I don't remember it being very traumatic with him, we'd swaddle him up, have a nice dance to music with a good heartbeat rhythm and then put him in his cot. He'd cry for a couple of minutes, find his thumb and then be fast asleep in another minute or two. The first night took a bit longer, but we snuck in and patted him every minute or two until he relaxed. Only possible when we knew his crying well, and also because he was a bellower so couldn't really sustain his angry 'I want to be asleep' cry for very long.

dd on the other hand could cry for ages and ages, at about the same level, and she also occasionally made herself sick which obviously wasn't conducive to sleeping. Controlled crying didn't work for her at all. I suspect she might have had a bit of reflux as what she liked was to be jiggled upright for a good hour or two every night. She's still a bit of an insomniac as a teenager so I think she just finds it hard to relax.

Oh and generally when you have a baby with a toddler around there are times when you just can't see to them immediately so I'm afraid you do get used to hearing them cry from time to time.