About my son playing with "girls" toys

[Alwaysanxiousmummy]

Hi, this is my first post - hoping you can give me some advice.
I have a gorgeous 6 year old son who is very close to his 5 year old sister. He is extremely bright and articulate - to the point where he talks constantly and even his friends think he is a bit of a yap!
Anyway, he LOVES a specific collect able "girls" toy and I really don't mind him having it. He's not like other boys - he mostly hangs out with girls at school and doesn't enjoy rough play at all. He loves swimming, biking, climbing, etc so a variety of interests.
My DH has made a big fuss about DS playing with girls toys and DS now (proudly) tells people that he plays girls toys. DH is furious about it all and wAnts to take the toy away. He is worried that DS will get made fun of at school and once he gets a nickname he will be stuck with it forever.
I feel that if DS is happy and not bothered what others think then we should encourage him to be an individual and enjoy whatever he likes. I'm worried that if he feels he can't be himself at home when he is 6, then how is he ever going to open up to us in later years.
But equally I don't want to be setting him up to get a hard time at school.
So what would you do? Let him continue to play with what he enjoys or take the toys in an attempt to make him "man up"?
Thanks

[OneEpisode]

I do think some MNers live in very naice areas where primary schools have a strong view on lbgt rights and strong role models of both genders.
But the op's dh may have once gone to primary school in a very different atmosphere and maybe ust possibly maybe thinking about the risk of his son's future unhappiness? There are lots of ways to be a man, and lots of ways to be a 6 year old boy now..

[Babyzoo]

I definitely don't. I just think that trying to mould a child into the typical boy or girl, and a dad pretty much sending his son the message that he's an embarrassment for what he likes is far more damaging than any potential teasing.

Most children will find their way in school and will be very aware of the boy/girl thing, but they need to feel that they can be themselves at home.

[LauraMipsum]

If you wouldn't stop a little girl playing football or pushing a toy car, then why stop a little boy from playing with dolls or Shopkins?

It's just plain sexism - that girls playing with "boys' things" is seen as an understandable 'upgrade', but boys playing with "girls' things" is a questionable 'downgrade' for them.

There is nothing inferior about girls or "girls' toys."

Have a look at the Let Toys Be Toys campaign www.lettoysbetoys.org.uk

[OneEpisode]

Babyzoo, me neither, blue collar area here. I think we agree, that the boy here is allowed his shopkins. And I don't mean he should be forced to play football
I just mean, I guess I mean, it's possible the dh is coming from a good place. And the op doesn't have to say football, a boy thing until 1972, is a bad thing, and the dh can be encouraged to give his son & daughter positive choices. I guess?

[augustwashout]

I agree no such thing as a girls toy, my dd loves trains it was only the nursery manager who classified them as a boys toy. Who knew? Why do it, its a toy for FFS

I loathe this mad jump to label things and categorize them, how does he even know its a "girls" toy? All dc i know of mixed gender will of course play with each others toys. Is he supposed to ignore them? have a line down the room.

[Babyzoo]

Yes I know what you mean one.

[HedgehogHedgehog]

Its your DH with the problem not your son!!! I hope you can sort out your DHs insecurity. xxx

[TheABC]

I did not know this was still up for debate. DS prize possessions are his bike, his duplo and his IKEA kitchen set! DD is still a small baby, but she already has monster onsies lined up for her.

You DH needs to relax. If he is worried about bullying, it may be worth checking the school's policy on it and making sure DS knows what to do.

[Ffion3107]

You're doing the right thing!
If a child in school or whatever was to say something stereotypical, it says more about that child's parents than his/her own opinion.

[blinkowl]

YANBU, your DH is being ridiculous!

Show him this ...

[amazingtracy]

lol! Your son is screwed!

You might as well let him hang out with mine! My son has been into the ponys, fairies, shopkins etc since he was old enough to express himself.
He's had odd reactions from adults but his friends don't give a shit. He's almost nine now.

It's not like I was pushing him towards them either-I hate dolls! He just is his own man!
It's a pity that no one raises an eye to a girl playing with a nerf but a boy with a doll on the other hand?

[Willow2016]

Tell you dh to get a grip.
I have lots of toys and the boys are just as likely to play with the baby dolls and accessories as they are the train set. They are toys and they learn about the world around them by playing. Often we go out for walks and they boys have 'babies' in buggies too. No one bats an eyelid. Dont dads push buggies and feed babies too?

[bobbinpop]

tracy that's brilliant :)
I think a lot of people accept the 'tomboy' label for girls who play with stereotypically boys' toys, but the equivalent isn't so positive. It's such a ridiculous situation.

[differentnameforthis]

It's ridiculous and I'd be surprised if others of that age took the piss out of him for playing with a particular 'girls toy' You'd be surprised! My dd was teased for liking Thomas at this age, and also wearing blue shoes (a lad her own age told her she should be wearing pink shoes)

The best thing is to teach them not to be worried if people criticize their tastes, because people are idiots! Dd told the lad that perhaps he should wear pink shoes if he liked them so much!

No one would bat an eyelid if a girl chose to play with tractors or toy cars. Or would they? Yup, they would. I have had people in my family try to encourage both dds to play with toys that they think are more suited to girls...

The sad fact of life is, kids are going to get teased no matter what. Some kid will find a way. As I said, my dd (8) still likes Thomas. She gets teased by a girl in her class for it, even though this girl likes Peppa Pig! For my daughter, it's knowing what to say "so, is Thomas any more "babyish" than Peppa pig, or is it just because YOU think that Thomas is for boys"

Believe me...soon shuts them up!

[sykadelic]

"Girl" or "boy" toys/clothes, who cares. We should be teaching our kids acceptance. That it's okay to like, or not like, or think, or be good at, whatever the bloody hell you want to. It's about teaching your kids not to pick on people who are different. To live and let live.

Taking away a toy he likes (whether you agree or disagree about it being a girl or boy toy or whether such categories exist) doesn't teach him anything except he should hide parts of himself if he's "different". That fitting a mold is more important than being an individual.

FWIW though, shopkins are an everyone thing as far as I'm concerned. Little plastic (over priced) toys/pencil toppers that either gender likes/collects.

[nooka]

It's funny, where I live (Canada) football/soccer is a girl/women's game. Shows how much of this stuff is totally learned. My children were fairly stereotypical when they were small, dd liked things that you could nurture and ds liked things that you could fight with. She was also way more likely to hit ds than vice versa and they wrestled all the time (like the OP I have a very small age gap).

ds as a teenager got into My Little Pony, and took great pleasure in taking MLP stuff to school, partly to rile his more homophobic (and it does tend to be homophobia rather than misogyny that's the issue with a lot of this crap) classmates. However unlike the typical six year old he has the ability to crush his challengers both verbally and physically so he wasn't really running any risks.

Shopkins marketing looks fairly 'pink' looking at a google gallery so I think that he might get some grief, but so long as he isn't bothered and has some good come backs he should be fine.

[AnotherUsernameBitesTheDust]

I'm a Beaver leader and we've had equal amounts of boys and girls bring in their shopkins collections to show for their collector badge. Neither sex has commented that they are girls toys, so I would hope your son wouldn't be bullied because of them.

My kids are passed that age but I didn't look at them and think they were girl oriented. (Mainly my thoughts were thank goodness I'm not having to pay out for plastic tat!)

I hate all this stuff about boys being socially isolated if they're not into football too. I have 4 boys who have never got into it. And they've all had plenty of friends - they just gravitated towards the other children who aren't into it - no one's ever cared that they didn't play/support a team.

[milkysmum]

Ds loved shopkins! Dh is being ridiculous. Of course you should not take away his toy that would be very cruel

[crazycanuck]

Oh how I hated the obsession with boys playing football while we were living in the UK. A neighbour once asked my ds if he had been playing football that day and when he replied that he didn't play football, she looked appalled and said 'Oh! What do you do then?!'. The football players at school were basically allowed to take over most of the playground, my ds was hit in the head by a stray ball one day and the supervisor just looked in the other direction. So glad to be away from it.

I agree with previous posters, your DH needs to get a grip. And refer him to the handy flowchart upthread.

[AndDontCallMeShirley]

Our house is full of Shopkins and Tsum Tsums waste of money, ds loves them because older dd collects. Other than ds he is 3 hits a strop when dd 9 has organise her collection I've never thought it was an issue.

ExP however has views that are ridiculous, to even type what they are is a joke. Very much homophobic, but only male homophobia. That's a whole different thread. Luckily he doesn't see ds a lot, a couple of hours at best each week.

Ds is all about the cars, diggers and lorries mainly, he's a wee lad. He will also quite happily play barbies with dd.

No rules on toys here as long as they are put away after

[VashtaNerada]

If someone told DS that some of his toys weren't for him based on what's in his pants I'd be fucking furious. Like most children he likes playing with a range of toys (loves his dinosaurs just as much as his dolls). It would be so cruel for an adult to make him feel bad about that. And if bullying did happen you talk to the school about how they're fulfilling their equality duty and point them in the direction of the Let Toys Be Toys resources mentioned upthread.

[TooGood2BeFalse]

My DS is four with a moderate speech delay (although comprehension is more of a challenge than actual expression). I was really shocked the other day when we walked past a bright pink display of dolls and he said 'Mummy, that one is for girls. Pink is for girls.' No idea where he picked that up from, even DH who I lovingly refer to as the Caveman wouldn't say something so trite. His nursery is very modern so no way would a teacher have said that either.
It goes to show how ingrained these stereotypes actually are. Your DH is being ridiculous, your son's interests will change a hundred times over, let him enjoy his bloody toys!

[Thefitfatty]

DB was a boys boys growing up. Cars, bikes, sports, etc. He had a bucket of Hot Wheels cars, and refused to play My Little Pony's with me. We fought over the Voltron. He always went towards more mechanical things because he likes putting stuff together and building. DB is gay. He's still a man's man, he shops at second hand stores and plays ice hockey and most of his male friends are straight, and he's a engineer.

One of my male best friends growing up had a frilly flowered comforter, a doll house and dolls, and a kitchen set. He loved going and finding frogs in the pond with me, but equally he liked playing Barbies (more than I did). He was great at coming up with crazy imaginative worlds and story lines. He was constantly picked on for being gay growing up. He's happily married to a woman, and has two little girls. And he's fantastic teacher and father!

DS 4.5 and DD 3 share their toys. Boys, girls, doesn't matter. They both have shopkins and some little troll type doll things, and those garbage pets. I find choice in toys has more to do with how the childs imagination works than gender or sexual preference.

[waitingforsomething]

I find these posts really sad. It's a selection of plastic tat that he probably won't care about in a year as he will be on to the next fad. Why get worked up about the toy based on whether it's marketed at girls or boys? There shouldn't even really be such thing and the world has a long way to go if this is the type of thing that matters to anyone.

My brother has 3 sisters. He played with a large amount of dolls, prams as well as cars, plastic animals and whatever else was knocking about. We also all had a toy kitchen and a grocery store thing which was played with by all 4 of us. He seems to have grown into a heterosexual male, without a particular penchant for 'girly' things and wasn't bullied at school.