About my son playing with "girls" toys

[Alwaysanxiousmummy]

Hi, this is my first post - hoping you can give me some advice.
I have a gorgeous 6 year old son who is very close to his 5 year old sister. He is extremely bright and articulate - to the point where he talks constantly and even his friends think he is a bit of a yap!
Anyway, he LOVES a specific collect able "girls" toy and I really don't mind him having it. He's not like other boys - he mostly hangs out with girls at school and doesn't enjoy rough play at all. He loves swimming, biking, climbing, etc so a variety of interests.
My DH has made a big fuss about DS playing with girls toys and DS now (proudly) tells people that he plays girls toys. DH is furious about it all and wAnts to take the toy away. He is worried that DS will get made fun of at school and once he gets a nickname he will be stuck with it forever.
I feel that if DS is happy and not bothered what others think then we should encourage him to be an individual and enjoy whatever he likes. I'm worried that if he feels he can't be himself at home when he is 6, then how is he ever going to open up to us in later years.
But equally I don't want to be setting him up to get a hard time at school.
So what would you do? Let him continue to play with what he enjoys or take the toys in an attempt to make him "man up"?
Thanks

[wigglybeezer]

He probably just has the "collector gene", my boys have it in spades, my house is filling up with collections, DS3 is particularly bad and his collections include Sylvanian families and My Little Pony trading cards as well as Pokemon, lego figures and Warhammer figures, it seems to be perfectly acceptable amongst geeky types! Hellish to dust though. He also had a really cute pink and green wooden teaset when he was little, luckily DH never gave him any hassle (but then he collects toys and mugs with pictures of the Moomins on them!)

[PaperStars]

My son is almost 4. The other day we actually got disgusted looks for him pushing his pink dolls pram back from the shop. He loves it and as others have said dads push prams too. He was playing with his male cousin the other day pushing the pram around saying 'I'm mummy and dc is daddy'. It's role playing and absolutely fine. I'm not going to stop him if he wants to play with 'girls' toys.

[Nataleejah]

Your husband sounds very insecure himself. What is a girls toy/ boys toy? If he wanted to wear dresses and use make-up, maybe i'd say no, but toys? Weird.

[nennyrainbow]

Love noonefool's diagram.
No one would bat an eyelid if a girl chose to play with tractors or toy cars. Or would they?

[OhHolyFuck]

Oh bloody shopkins!
I do object to ds(5) having them, but only because they're expensive bits of plastic that get left all over the house and ultimately hoovered up, nothing to do with them being a 'girls' toy

[OneEpisode]

Um.... One thought. Football is more important than religion round here and not being able to access it at playtime might be a little socially isolating?
I know my ds will get involved with barbles if it's just family in the house but will very much distance himself if a school friend of either Dc is present. He is very very conscious of the gender stereotypes now. I would be giving both dcs a gender neutral box each to put their shopkins in, so they can pack away if they want. Not if you want, but if they want.

[Noonesfool]

Ego a girl should not worry about such things. It would be unseemly.

[TheRealAdaLovelace]

" not being able to access it at playtime might be a little socially isolating "

really?

[OneEpisode]

My dd does play football at school play times.
My son does not, and he is isolated. Yes, I wish I had persuaded him to play.

[DanglyEarOrnaments]

My DSS (stepson) is gay, tis was evident since I met him aged 12.

My husband (his father) was very typical 'man's man' type, there would have been evidence he did not approve at the time. Let's just say DSS came 'out' to me aged 18 because nobody else felt safe to him to do so at the time.

Now 8 years on we all go to 'Pride' together and DH embraces gay rights and any other persons rights come to that. People learn to change perspective throughout their life - you hope - but here is living proof of this!

[ChunkyPunky]

Dear OP

You are quite clearly married to a knobhead. I'm nearly 50 and if my son was your DH and was treating your son like this we'd be having serious words. I'd worry how I'd managed to bring up such s stupid son.

[AnnieOnnieMouse]

Pass your DH a grip from me, and refer him to the chart above.
When ds was little we built him a playhouse, with kitchen, appliances, dolls, etc, as well as the more conventional cars, trucks, lego. Then dd came along, played with the same stuff.
He's now a good cook who can plan a DIY project, and he drives a bigass lorry for a living.
She's a chemist.
Your kids are kids, let them be.
Ask dh what he's really scared of - that ds might grow into a man who is (gasp) useful around the house.

[Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost]

There's absolutely nothing wrong with a boy playing with dolls. A doll is an imitation baby. Your dh wants to enter the 21st century

[Only1scoop]

My dd is similar age ....house full of hot wheels ....pirate gear, planes.... I'd go mad if Dp started getting opinionated about her choices.

[OneEpisode]

Do you realise the FA banned women's football until 1971? No wonder posters here think football is for boys. (I am not good with the pics, but can say that if your dcs are playing football with their genitals they are doing it wrong)

[eyebrowsonfleek]

Collecting toys are such a classic category of toy that appeals to both genders. Panini stickers, rubbers, stickers... I certainly wouldn't worry about Shopkins.I don't know what makes them apparently girly as my children are older but they look very similar to Pokemon and Moshi Monsters which are pretty unisex.

I have the sort of boys who are constantly wrestling but they have a sister and like their friends with sisters, their playing involves a combination of their toys and hers. My Little Ponies make great protectors of Lego forts as they are much bigger than Lego men and the ones that are glittery are magic and breathe out fire.

[OneEpisode]

If your dh wants to parent his children, could he take them both out to do something he does want to encourage?
For a collector type, Pokemon go? Rather than confiscate a toy from one child?

[Babyzoo]

My ds likes shopkins too. He was into some far more 'girly' toys at one time when he was also about 6.

Yes there is a small possibility of teasing but like you say you need to let them be themselves at home. You can't force your child into stereotypical gender roles. I think it would be terrible to tell your son that he shouldn't like shopkins and that he ought to like football.

[bigboypants]

My DS (6) loves My Little Pony, he did get called a girl by one of the boys in his class when the other boy found out through overhearing him talking to the girls in their class about it. We'd already had loads of chats about boys toys and girls toys don't exist and age appropriate conversations about stereotypes, thanks to him having GPs who are very much team pink and team blue. He wasn't too bothered by the comment and told me that so and so was silly for saying it.

He wants the MLP backpack Asda have at the moment for school but has said he knows he can't have it because people will make fun of him. I've told him not to worry about other people and if he wants it he can have it. Saying that, I don't want him to be in a position of getting picked on over something that, to me as an adult, is so trivial. Because even though he said the boy's comment was silly it must've stuck with him.

[nennyrainbow]

He's 6 ffs! Kids go through phases - by Christmas he may have lost all interest and moved on to something else. But if your DH removes it, then it may become something to be seen as undercover and therefore possibly more enticing.

My 6 yr old DS likes to draw, write, colour pictures and play with Playmobil. He used to love Peppa Pig. He has no interest at all in football. Doesn't worry me in the slightest - it's all normal.

[Babyzoo]

Op you'd be surprised how many boys don't like rough play.

I overheard a conversation between a little boy and girl at the park this week, they were about 7 or 8. The little boy said to the little girl "I love my mum but my dad annoys me because he always fights and throws me on the sofa and stuff".

[LiviaDrusillaAugusta]

You are preaching to the choir here on MN Op - all of the little boys play with 'girl toys' and wear princess dresses but none of the girls do

[bobbinpop]

My DDs have told me that one of their boy friends at school likes my little ponies. They find it mildly amusing (even after the no toys are just for girls/boys talk... ) but think he's cool and he's not teased at all.

[Babyzoo]

My son doesn't wear princess dresses and I'd be reluctant to buy one for a boy or girl because they're horrible.