Please tell me driving gets easier

[whatstheworstthatcanhappen1]

I am nearly at the point of giving up, I passed my test about 10 months ago and get so anxious when driving or if a journey is coming up.

I particularly hate stopping on a hill, with traffic lights etc as I feel like the handbrake won't hold the car, I get so worked up before and after a journey. I have never made any big mistakes and don't stall it or even roll back when I am doing a hill start but I still get so anxious.

I am at the point where I am avoiding driving unless I have to or I go at times that will be quiet on the roads and this isn't why I wanted to pass my test!

Does it get easier and when did you find it did?

[pictish]

Absolutely headinhands - complacency and frustration is the cause of many accidents, not caution.

[whatstheworstthatcanhappen1]

I have never stalled the car whilst driving, only parking so I think I am actually ok at driving a manual. It really all is in my head, if I know I have a long or difficult journey to make I start worrying about 3 days before hand, it is starting to take over though so that's why I am thinking if I can take that away or at least make it easier by switching to automatic then maybe I should.

[heron98]

I've been driving for ten years and am still shit at it.

My pet hate are huge junctions with loads of lanes. I just cannot work out which one to be in, even if I have done it before. I am not sure if it's a mental block, or I'm just thick but they leave me terrified.

[EBearhug]

If you've only driven a manual, do test drive an automatic before driving one. I actually found it confusing to have only two pedals, but you might

[minipie]

I'm not a confident driver.

It did get a LOT easier when we got an automatic car. Even though gears were never a problem for me, I just found it helped a lot to have one less thing to think about - having an automatic freed my brain up to think about lanes, traffic, signals etc.

Is that an option? Maybe not now but next time you change car?

[FruitCider]

I passed my test only 18 months ago and still feel the same on the rare occasion but was pretty much like you 6 months ago. I thought I would enjoy driving but I really do not! It does get easier X

[pictish]

I conquered my inexperience and anxiety by forcing myself to just do it. Once you're in it, you simply have to cope. The more you cope, the more confident you become that you can cope.

And remember, if you miss your turn off/the junction/get lost/end up in the wrong lane...all you have to do is calmly continue until you can pull over in a safe place to reset yourself/check the map/turn back.

Before you know it, you will have made a journey in the car without even thinking about the mechanics or the implications of driving that car.

I was the most unnatural and nervous driver ever. It took me five goes to pass my test at the age of 39 because my anxiety was so acute. It took me nearly two years to learn and cost us a bloody fortune.
It is easily one of the most angst inducing, emotional personal battles I have ever faced.

If I can master a manual, so can you. Keep on keeping on.

[MackerelOfFact]

Not strictly true, and the two groups are not mutually exclusive. Most likely to die in a crash are the young drivers who have just passed their test. Almost a quarter of under 24s crash within 2 years of passing their test (obviously not all of them are killed). Some people who have just passed their test are ultra-cautious, others are far more excited about being let loose on motorways with no supervision, or decide to drive their mates too fast along country lanes at night.

Absolutely. The cautious group are what this thread refers to though, and what I was referring to. Obviously not all new drivers are cautious and safe, some are reckless and dangerous - just as plenty of experienced drivers are calm, focused and patient. The statistics don't really take account of the 'style' of driving, only the age and experience. An experienced driver will presumably have fewer accidents while doing risky things than a learner driver would because they've taught themselves how to drive aggressively but that doesn't make it safe or correct.

[EBearhug]

...you might adapt more easily. I was at the "unconscious competence" stage of learning by then, and I don't think so much about changing gear, but react almost automatically to how the car sounds and feels. If you're not at that stage, it might not seem so weird.

Whatever level of competence your driving is, you will always come across dickish drivers - it's about them, not you, and even if you drive perfectly, they'll be able to take offence at that, if they're so-minded. You just have to learn to ignore them in town, let them go ahead on bigger roads (you less likely to be involved in a crash with them that way,) and if they're actively harassing you, call the police.

I agree that retaking the test every 10 years is a good idea - but for the sake of my nerves, I'm very glad I don't have to! Driving tests are possibly the most stressful thing I've ever done, and I include skydiving in that!

[PageStillNotFound404]

heron98, is it helpful to break down why you're terrified of those junctions? In a "what's the worst that's likely to happen" kind of way?

So - you end up in the wrong lane. Worst case scenario, you end up taking the wrong turning. You will find somewhere to turn round - a roundabout, a turn off where you can get yourself turned round etc and return to the proper route. Few minutes added to your journey. It happens.

Or - you end up in the wrong lane. You have to slow down, maybe even stop, and put your indicator on to change lanes. You might have to wait a few seconds before someone lets you in. Someone behind you may beep at you. So what? Their impatience is their problem not yours. Lucky them that they were born knowing the layout of every road in the country. Most of us are human and have been where you are. Someone will let you in. You give them a little wave and continue on.

Taking the fear of the "what if" out of it by breaking it down like that makes uncomfortable scenarios much easier to get the hang of and turns them into comfortable scenarios, IME.

[EBearhug]

The statistics don't really take account of the 'style' of driving, only the age and experience.

That may be changing now some insurance companies offer lower insurance if you install a black box - so there's a growing ability to gather those sorts of metrics from cars.

[pictish]

Absolutely pages.

[FruitCider]

I wouldn't get an automatic at this stage. If you don't become confident at driving geared cars, you will lose that skill and find buying cars much harder.

You are obviously competent as you passed your test, you just need to build up your confidence X

[Purplebluebird]

It depends! I took my licence in Norway and could drive with some anxiety there. I did it however, and coped. I got to a point where I would actually enjoy certain relaxing drives! :) Then I moved to England, have to drive on the other side of the road, gear stick wrong hand, faster roads and more cars. I gave up.

[TellMeSomethingNew]

YANBU I'm a sweaty mess when driving. Passed a year ago and only just got the courage to drive. First time I went on my own I thought I was going to pass out!! Then thought I'd reversed over someone and had to get out and look

[Butteredparsnips]

Agree re pass plus, or perhaps going out with a more experienced friend. The test now is more comprehensive than it used to be and you have proved that you can drive at the required standard. The thing is though, as you begin to drive independently you sometimes come across situations you won't have encountered before. It's still a learning phase, and so it might help you to have a more experienced driver to support you.

2 of my DC have passed their test in the last couple of years, and DH and I answered quite a few questions / clarified thing for them in the early days, done motorways with them etc.

Ignore the naysayers here saying that anxious drivers are dangerous, but do take steps to improve your confidence and get more experience. The chances are you will enjoy it eventually.

[hunibuni]

It took me ages to be confident on the road when I was learning, to the extent that my instructor used to say that I had the strongest grip he had ever encountered The one thing he always emphasised is that I had as much right to be on the road and to embrace the F you attitude, so long as I was doing the correct speed and driving safely. DH also encouraged me to drive as often as possible, and my best friend lives in an area that has a lot of hills and traffic lights along them, so if I wanted to get to her house I would have to face my 2 hates, hills and roundabouts.

3 years on I'm more confident but I still pray that the lights stay green all the way up the hills DS's R plates have come off (NI) do we're going to attempt a motorway journey at the correct speed, not 45mph, so that he can get confident about slip lanes etc. The best thing I ever bought was a sat nav that tells you what lane to be in.

[maizieD]

I can only reiterate what lots of others have said, get out somewhere quiet and practise; you only become skilled at something by practising.

I was an incredibly nervous driver. If I hadn't, by a miracle, passed my driving test first time I don't think I would ever have tried again. I didn't want to drive on my own after I passed my test but my DP made me do it. I'm really grateful to him for that because I know that the longer I'd avoided driving independently the less likely I would have been to have tried.

After a while everything becomes completely automatic; so much, in fact that I find myself indicating for turns and roundabouts when there is no other traffic on the road at all! It's just second nature.

It took me about a year to become really confident but I love driving now and am very happy to do long journeys on my own.

Still absolutely rubbish at parallell parking after 35 years.

[Butteredparsnips]

Something else has occurred to me. Are you driving for pleasure or because you need to?

What about driving somewhere nice? Rural, pretty, easy driving? Or somewhere you want to go to, that is easier to get to in the car? It might help you to if you can think of it more positively.

[whatstheworstthatcanhappen1]

A bit of both butteredparsnips. I don't drive every day as where I work has no parking so have to get the bus, maybe this is the reason why It is taking me longer to get used to it.

It is something I wanted to achieve in my life and worked hard to do it. I left it late and passed when I was 28 and I do generally worry about things.

[pictish]

Also agree with Fruitcider - if you swap to an automatic now you'll lose the gear changing know-how and your future choice of cars and scenarios in which you can drive will be less. Most people drive manual in the UK - I don't think limiting your options when you have no need to, is a good idea.

[DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen]

I'm not sure most people drive manual any more tbh. I know it used to be the case but think things have changed. I'm just thinking about my close friends and most of them drive autos now. In what way would it limit her? How many times are you likely to drive a car that's not your own OP? I drive an auto it's never limited me.
The UK is weirdly hung up on gears.

[nanetterose]

I also have to laugh at the hang up Brits have with autos.
You don't lose your ability to drive a manual if you drive an auto!
There are many to choose from nowadays.
And my favourite: " l like to be in control"
These cars have an automatic transmission - they are not flying fucking carpets!

[pictish]

I think the UK still prefers a stick shift by a long chalk. Everyone I know drives a manual except two.

I don't think there's anything wrong with automatic cars, it's just a personal preference thing.

[LilacInn]

I have been a licensed driver for more than 35 years, most of them driving a geared transmission and only recently switching to manual (because the particular car was on sale, not because I really wanted an automatic)

I don't think using your savings for an automatic would help you that much. As someone pointed out, your muscle memory will improve - you will not even think about the motions involved with your feet and hands in braking, accelerating, shifting gears etc. for a while. Similarly the motions necessary to pause on a hill without rolling back will come naturally after a while.

Sorry to beat the drum but what you need to do is practise so that your subconscious brain learns and is able to take over. That cannot happen if you are only sporadically behind the wheel. Think of a trapeze artist for example - at first it is probably necessary to count beats or something to time the swing of bars and the launch etc. - after a while they just "know" when the right time to leap is, because they have practised the cadence 1,000 times over.

Try for every day if possible, even 10-15 min will help. Can you go to a large car park or other area, in the evening, and just repeat whatever maneuvers bother you? Soon it will feel like you are wearing the car, truly. You might even find it fun. I love to drive and find it so relaxing and enjoyable