Please tell me driving gets easier

[whatstheworstthatcanhappen1]

I am nearly at the point of giving up, I passed my test about 10 months ago and get so anxious when driving or if a journey is coming up.

I particularly hate stopping on a hill, with traffic lights etc as I feel like the handbrake won't hold the car, I get so worked up before and after a journey. I have never made any big mistakes and don't stall it or even roll back when I am doing a hill start but I still get so anxious.

I am at the point where I am avoiding driving unless I have to or I go at times that will be quiet on the roads and this isn't why I wanted to pass my test!

Does it get easier and when did you find it did?

[Bishybishybarnabee]

Finding this thread strangely reassuring. I'm currently learning to drive, but making very slow progress due to being so nervous. I luckily have a very patient instructor who is helping me slowly build up my confidence. Part of my nerves is the worry that I'm inconveniencing other road users, so it's good to hear that (most) people are sympathetic to it and that hopefully driving confidence will come with time.

[Raines100]

Took a year for me to drive comfortably and confidently, and 2 to park without panicking. Still go to pieces when I'm lost or upset.

Some things I wish I had known when I started driving:
Hill starts- The problem is lack of confidence in your clutch control. Take the car out, find a hill, and practise finding the bite. Drop the handbrake to see if you've got it. Slam on the foot brake if you haven't! Repeat until your foot knows where it is without requiring your concentration.
Reversing- after scraping my wheel arch on a brick wall, someone finally told me to use my wing mirrors. I was taught to use the back window, but then I can't tell my left from my right! Wing mirrors- never had a problem since.
Overtaking- always check your blind spot. This has saved my life a few times.
Parallel parking- you can go forwards, too. They don't teach you that, because you're not between 2 cars. When you can go back no more, go forwards.
Parking in general- everybody circles the car park for the easiest space, even those who've been driving 30 years. So don't feel self-conscious for passing up a tight space in a multi storey. The driver behind isn't sure they like the look of it either.

[myusernamewastaken]

I passed my test in 1997 and have never really enjoyed driving and i was happy to stay local or let my husband drive....in 2013 he left so now i drive everywhere....In April i picked my son up from uni having had to go on the m25....i was terrified but i did it.....

[whatstheworstthatcanhappen1]

Just typed a post but it disappeared.

Thanks for everyone's comments, whoever said it is a problem with anxiety and not driving is so right. I never actually do anything wrong it's all in my head and the problem is over analysing journeys and worrying about what could go wrong.

I disagree with the comments about anxious drivers are the ones that cause problems, when I have my P plates on so many people do anything they can to overtake and when I am doing the speed limit I know they aren't, I have been a passenger in cars of drivers that are do confident but are a lot more of a danger than me, using phones, overtaking on corners, generally aggressive drivers. If I felt I was dangerous to anyone I wouldn't get in the car and my dh has said if he thought there was any chance I was a risk he would never allow me to drive the kids but he has said that everything is fine.

How much difference does an automatic make? I do have savings but feel bad using them to buy an automatic when we need to move house, I have been hanging in there and waiting for it to get better.

[MrsMook]

I passed my test and followed with pass plus soon after which was really helpful for motorways and dual carrigeways. I then had a couple of months gap where I moved area. My life changed completely. I was starting a new uni course in the neighbouring city and adapting to living with DH, and every time I went somewhere in the car, it took so much concentration. I was comfortable on most types of roads within a year, but for most people regular driving makes the physical processes of driving (e.g. where your bite point is etc) subconscious. I can remember in lessons the instructor telling me to move my right foot by a coin's depth- I don't have to think about my foot now because it automatically responds to whatever my brain is processing around me.

I did learn to parallel park satisfactorily, but thats a skill that's gone through neglect as it's so rare that I need it. I've restored reverse parking as again for a long time I rarely used it. Now the DCs are older, and I'm less fussy about space around the car I'm using it more.

There's an easy way to throw me though, DH's car feels very different because his accelerator is pivoted the wrong way round! Having it pivoted at the bottom is fine for his long feet, and awful for my child sized feet!

It's not good to be anxious to distraction, but complacency and arrogance are more dangerous.

[MackerelOfFact]

Personally I think that we should have to sit an advanced test 2 years after passing the initial test to weed out those who haven't honed their skills in that time.

I think everyone should be retested every 10 years. I think it's mad we have to re-apply for passports every decade when we're unlikely to have changed identity, yet something like driving where our ability, the roads, vehicle technology, laws and the highway code change massively over time, you just take one test and that it's for life.

IME it's the minority of 'experienced' drivers who aggressive, cocky, arrogant and think it's acceptable to take risks who pose the biggest threat on the roads, not the anxious newly-qualified drivers who are cautiously observing everything and following the Highway Code to a T.

[Tagetes]

Do learn to use your handbrake when waiting at traffic lights. It allows you to put the car into neutral and rest your feet a bit. There is more likelihood of your foot slipping off either the clutch or foot brake and the car lurching forward if you are sitting there for minutes with the clutch pushed down.

[BorpBorpBorp]

I would recommend trying to find an instructor who teaches in the same type of car you drive, and having a couple of refresher lessons, with one focusing on hill starts.

I learned to drive with an intensive course, passed my test, then hardly drove at all for a year or so because I was so nervous in a different car. Having just a few lessons in a car of the same type that I drove really helped.

[LunaLoveg00d]

IME it's the minority of 'experienced' drivers who aggressive, cocky, arrogant and think it's acceptable to take risks who pose the biggest threat on the roads, not the anxious newly-qualified drivers who are cautiously observing everything and following the Highway Code to a T.

Not strictly true, and the two groups are not mutually exclusive. Most likely to die in a crash are the young drivers who have just passed their test. Almost a quarter of under 24s crash within 2 years of passing their test (obviously not all of them are killed). Some people who have just passed their test are ultra-cautious, others are far more excited about being let loose on motorways with no supervision, or decide to drive their mates too fast along country lanes at night.

www.brake.org.uk/too-young-to-die/15-facts-a-resources/facts/488-young-drivers-the-hard-facts

OP I don't think an automatic is the answer. It might give you less to worry about, but that's not going to make anxiety about driving in busy traffic or stopping at lights any better. Keep your car and invest in some lessons with an instructor - I hav a friend who is a driving instructor and she regularly takes people out on motorways or into situations where they feel nervous to build confidence. Also agree that you just have to get on and do it - small trips every day until it becomes second nature.

[LunaLoveg00d]

ALso once you've passed, there's no need to practise in an instructor's car. They will normally quite happily take you out in yours.

[SpringerS]

They are reliant on the experienced ones to make allowances until it becomes second nature. The P plates are are brilliant idea and i always give those drivers extra space/ tolerance / time to move off.

I'm a learner driver, I only drove for the first time 5 weeks ago and for every driver who gives me space on the road and makes allowances for me, there is at least one who is clearly pissed off by my presence. I was driving yesterday with my dad and in the space of 45 minutes two cars over took me right on the approach to a roundabout. I was driving at close to the speed limit but had slowed down on the approach which was apparently too much for those drivers to bear. It was not a safe place to overtake, especially for the second car as he had to swerve across me in order to pass me out before he hit the triangle between the lanes. A few minutes later I had just joined on a road with an 80km/p/h speed limit and was at about 65 which I know can be annoying for cars behind me but I was accelerating steadily and changing to 4th gear. 3 cars overtook me, all on a solid white line, so illegally, and one of them beeped at me in annoyance as he zoomed off. Later on I was driving at somewhere around 75-78km, still in the 80km zone but where I knew it was about to change to 60km, then 50km, so I was starting to slow. And 2 cars overtook me really aggressively and then had to slow down really suddenly in front of me when the speed limit changed.

On the final part of our journey home rush hour was starting as we came back into the the city, so I switched over to let my dad drive the last part. My dad has been driving for nearly 4 decades. Was a professional driver, has a license for every category of vehicle and drives everything from huge trucks to motorbikes. He drove my car perfectly and there were still some drivers trying to cut him up and giving him shit because of the L plates. Some drivers really do seem to take offence to learners being on the road, forgetting that they had to learn to drive at some point too. I've talked to my driving instructor about it and he has had the same experience. Some drivers are courteous and careful around learners but just as many take it as license to be a bully.

I'd consider myself to be quite nervous about driving. My 3.5yo DS has recently taken to riding his bike and teaching him about the rules of the road and being on constant look-out to make sure he doesn't get killed by a car while cycling, makes me hyper aware of how deadly cars can be. Thankfully I'm managing to not let dickish drivers get under my skin but I could see how much harder they could make driving for people who do get effected by them. I don't think that newly qualified drivers should have to wear plates marking them as such. Once you pass your test you should be as much a driver as any other driver who has passed their test. That said I'm surprised that people can pass their test without being a confident driver, that kind of seems to make a mockery of the test.

[MarkRuffaloCrumble]

If the handbrake is an issue, my car has an automatic handbrake - it's a little lever you pull to put the brake on, then you just start to drive and it automatically takes the brake off as you move forward. It's one less thing to worry about! But DP has a fully automatic car and I bloody love driving that. I can see why some people prefer them.

[DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen]

Have you come siders an automatic car?

[DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen]

** considered

[whatstheworstthatcanhappen1]

I'm really swaying to trying to get an automatic in near future if possible now. I feel like it might take some of the anxiety away with stopping on anywhere that is completely flat, can those who drive automatics advise if they think this will help me, do you still roll back to a degree? I worked so hard at passing my test and I can drive, I just want to make it easier and take the fear away, I'm not worried about driving really it's just stopping on any sort of area that is not flat so in busy traffic I get so panicked when I am stopping and starting.

[PageStillNotFound404]

OP I passed in a manual and hated every minute of driving. I used to dread having to drive even though the worst thing I ever did stall occasionally.

I switched to an automatic and it revolutionised my life. I now have that freedom. It allows you to concentrate on road sense and hazard perception without worrying about clutch control or stalling.

Another thing that helped was a form of NLP. I used to picture the journey I was about to take in my head in great detail - every roundabout, every junction etc - and "see" myself doing it all perfectly.

Once I was more comfortable and confident with the routes I drove regularly, I was better able to cope with driving outside my comfort zone. I had a huge fear of getting lost, but the first time I did it was actually brilliant because it taught me that so long as I could read road signs, do a three point turn or a reverse around a corner and use my tongue to ask directions, there wasn't actually much that could go wrong. Fear of the unknown was worse than the reality.

I am now an experienced and confident driver who will happily drive anywhere. Any motorway, any town, any one-way system, any length of journey. We've just come back from a holiday over 250 miles away. I drove every yard. We've taken our car abroad twice - I've done all the driving both times. You can do it too. You will get there.

[morningtoncrescent62]

Sorry to be negative, but my experience was that I was a nervous driver from the moment I started learning until the moment I decided that driving simply wasn't for me. I don't think I was actually that bad a driver - I was somewhat over-cautious, and very prone to getting lost, but I passed my test first time and never had an accident in the 19 years between passing my test and giving up. At some points during those 19 years I was driving every day, but even driving regularly didn't help with the anxiety - I just hated driving. Eventually I faced up to the fact that it wasn't getting any better nor was likely to, and in any case I'd never stopped using public transport (I live in a city with good buses), so I sold the car which by then I was hardly using and I'm much happier living life as a non-driver.

[DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen]

There's no roll back with my auto,you just put your foot on the brake and it stops- magic and stress free! Millions of Americans can't be wrong my dh and my dad have HGV licences but choose auto cars,in fact all the big lorries/ buses etc are auto iirc .

[Sativa]

Just get an automatic - it takes away all the stress of hill starts or rolling backwards and is impossible to stall. Why anyone would want a manual car is beyond me; there's enough to think about without worrying about stalling and having to change gears. I know some people prefer manuals but OP you sound like me so I think it would make the world of difference as an automatic would take away that extra stress.

[pictish]

I passed my test coming up two years ago and I love being able to drive. For the first six/eight months I was still anxiously considering every move I made, but I find it's second nature to me now. Not that I'm complacent - it's just that now the mechanics of actually physically driving the car are automatic, I can concentrate on what's going on around me more.

I wouldn't want an automatic because I like being in control. Gear changes are automatic and second nature to me now too and they were definitely the thing I struggled with 'getting' the most, while learning.

It will come. Persevere.

[PageStillNotFound404]

pictish if you drive an automatic for a while you become adept at fine control via brake and accelerator and can make the automatic gearbox change up or down just as you would with a clutch and gearstick if you need to.

[headinhands]

Aw op, I relate. The thing to remember is that when you pass your test it means you've reached a point where you're safe enough to carry on learning on your own, not that you're perfect or got it all sussed. And yes it only comes with practice. How about you find a quiet hill and go there in the eve/early morning and practice again and again?

[whatstheworstthatcanhappen1]

I think I might book a lesson in an automatic and see how it feels and if it is loads easier I might look into changing, I do feel like a failure for switching to automatic but as my husband said if you choose to buy grated cheese instead of grating It yourself are you a failure :-)

[Sootyskeeper]

I passed my test around 2 weeks ago and got my first car 2 days ago. It's a car totally different to the one I leant in ( I learnt in a Vauxhall Corsa but I now own a Hyundai Getz)
I only didn't buy a Corsa because I knew I wouldn't be able to afford it.
I almost always stall after pull off at traffics lights or pulling off at roundabouts. It's really starting to make me stressed as I very rarely stalled in the Corsa.
It stresses me out even more when I see people in my mirrors getting impatient.

[headinhands]

I think that we should have to sit an advanced test 2 years after passing the initial test to weed out those who haven't honed their skills in that time.

By far the people who I know with a tonne of accidents they've caused, are confident drivers with a need for speed. Cautious drivers are not behind the majority of fatalities on our road network