I always pick DS up, from nursery, with a wet nappy...

[GreyGraveyard]

DS is 3, he has been going to this nursery (since September) and things have been going well. However, he always seems to come home in a wet nappy... Maybe twice a month he doesn't. I think it's more than a coincidence.

I spoke to his Key Worker, who said that she wasn't aware, so he must be peeing just as he leaves. I really don't believe that, DS shows obvious signs when he is peeing...

I know it sounds like I'm jumping to conclusions, but I feel like they just don't bother changing him (he only goes for a few hours in the mornings, 3 times a week) but there is no way to prove this, is there?

What can I do? Thanks!

[43percentburnt]

Put a discrete tiny dot on the nappy in pen. I'd be tempted to do it for 4 or 5 days just to be sure.

[PurpleTango]

Violet maybe Op could have put that her child was born with a birth defect and explain what the problem is with toilet training I her OP - rather than dripfeeding

[VioletBam]

Tango maybe OP is sensitive about it and also doesn't want to out herself.

[insancerre]

Yabu to expect the nursery to do several nappy changes in such a short space of time
I would expect 1 nappy change in that time, unless allied in who h case he should be changed immediately
Do you not get told about nappy changes? Do you ask?
Maybe he is holding it in till you pic k him up?
You could ask the nursery if they will sit him on thee toilet when he is changed
Does he get any extra support in the nursery? Having a child who needs changing when you are on a 1-8 or even a 1-13 ratio can be difficult to manage as it can mean leaving the room and then one person having 15 or even 25 children to supervise
Can you not go into any details of his additional needs? Maybe we can help with suggestions

[VioletBam]

Insancerre what? Why is she being unreasonable? Who's counting nappy changes FFS?

If it needs doing it NEEDS DOING.

There's no set "acceptable amount" when we're talking about a 3 year old!

I suspect if he's only there for a few hours that it's not getting done AT ALL!

Very, very bad in my opinion. Of course in an IDEAL world all three year olds would be reliably trained but they're just not!

Leaving them wet is disgusting and cruel.

[MangoIsTheNewApple]

I didn't expect my 2yo to be changed in a 3 hour preschool session unless she had a dirty nappy. So I would say that it's fine for most kids, but obviously not for your child as he has particular issues with rash, anxiety etc. I suspect if you have a chat with the nursery and explain the issues, they will be happy to help, but that it just hasn't been a problem for anyone previously.

[insancerre]

Violet
I thought I had to explained why I think op ibu
You have no reason to suspect he isn't being changed at all

[silverduck]

Like others, I wouldn't expect a change in that timescale (unless soiled), I would expect to deliver him dry and to change again at home. I also wouldn't expect him to be withholding a wee as his nappy was wet.

I think you need to go and spell put why he needs to be treated differently without accusing as I think what they are doing is pretty standard.

[WhyCantIuseTheNameIWant]

If he knows he has weed, he could ask for a new nappy?
As he refuses to wee again, in the same nappy, he is capable of bladder control.
If he is seriously hampered by his defect, he should get extra help at nursery.
I'm not asking about his condition, but suggesting a couple I have seen .

If he is missing a hand, he should get help to pull his trousers Down and up again.
And with wiping after a poo. Most 3 year olds get wiped at dd nursery

If the issue is with his legs, they can lift him on to the toilet.

If it's plumbing related, can he wee sitting down? Lots of boys do!
Ds wasn't tall enough for stand up wee until he was in school (at 5)

From what you have said, he sounds ready. But he needs extra help.

This help should be there for him.

As for knowing about changes, put him in a different brand of nappy.
Our nursery supply pampers. So I could put dd in any other brand and see what she is wearing at home time. (Last year)
Ds went to a nursery where we had to leave a bag of nappies. He always came home bone dry. With a rabbit dropping size poo as he refused to drink the warm water all day.
Quite often in the same nappy for 10 hours at nursery.

[WhatamessIgotinto]

I used to be a nursery nurse and though, in a normal situation, I wouldnt expect a 3 year old to normally need changing in a few hours unless they were dirty, if a child has additional needs then of course they should be. No brainer really.

[BoGrainger]

Are these terry nappies that feel wet to him? Disposables with a dry layer wouldn't feel wet after a wee I wouldn't have thought. My own indicator was if the nappy was still scrunchy then it was ok to leave, if it was rock hard and falling off, it was time to change. Obviously it would have been different if my dds had had a tendency to nappy rash but luckily they didn't. When I hear of nappies being changed for no good reason I just think of landfill

[JennyOnAPlate]

Does he tell the staff when he has weed and needs a clean nappy? If so they absolutely should change him.

I don't think you can expect them to check his nappy every X minutes to see if he's weed though. They just wouldn't have time for that.

[longdiling]

Is he capable of telling them when he's had a wee? The 'obvious signs' that you see as a mum who knows him extremely well and only have him to focus on might be proving difficult for the staff to notice. Definitely go in and speak to them and see if you can work out a solution.

[GreyGraveyard]

I didn't say anything because I didn't see why it was so important.

It's a limb issue, yes. So with help, it could work, but it would be a bit of a faff, which will have to come in the future, but while he is so young (doesn't completely understand) we have been told to leave it.

[honeysucklejasmine]

Op, YANBU. How horrible. Personally I hate the attitude of "oh, but it can go for 12 hours". The urine is still there. The absorbent crystals are still there, swollen up against their skin. If people are so concerned about landfill from changing nappies before they are absolutely sodden, I suggest cloth, to cut your nappy landfill all together.

If changing a nappy for OP's son means the childcare setting struggles to maintain appropriate ratios, they need more staff, or someone (maybe management or admin support) who can pop in for a few minutes to help whilst nappies are changed.

[minipie]

Most children would be fine in a weed in (not sodden) nappy but clearly your DS is not.

I think you need to speak to them and explain that your DS has a particular need to be changed more quickly and hopefully they will step up to the mark. I also think you could make it easier for them however possible, for example pull ups instead of nappies for easier changing, and tell DS to ask a teacher when he is wet rather than expecting them to watch him all the time for signs of weeing.

[CecilyP]

But it's not 12 hours, its 3 hours at the nursery, then factoring travel time, possibly 4 hours altogether. That should be a reasonable amount of time for a disposable nappy to last - they lasted that long even before the advent of absorbent crystals. So, I agree it probably hasn't been a problem before. I would definitely speak to the staff about about his particular issues in this case.

[Houseconfusion]

What? Change a nappy every time he does one single wee? That's not how nappies work and how would they know? Check every five minutes?

[NeedsAsockamnesty]

All children in my area are eligible to attend nursery, attached to school, when they reach 3 years old provided they are toilet trained. They all are. How come your 3 year old still wears a nappy?

If a service is offered to 3yo's it is a issue to withdraw a service due to continance issues.

[RedHelenB]

I wouldnt expect a nappy change in a 3 yr old setting unless they had soiled tbh. The staff ratio won;t allow them to watch for signs he has weed. Different if he can actually tell them but as others have said pull ups would make this easier.

[Lovelyname]

Yanu to expect nursery to change his nappy every time he does 1 wee; if they were changing every nappy for
1 week they would be changing nappies all day

[Lovelyname]

Sorry meant yabu

[thirstyperson]

At my dd nursery they change all children before pickup. If you were to pick them early, they make sure they create that time to change them. You are not being unreasonable to expect him to be dry or with very recent urine.

[MyKingdomForBrie]

I would just have a word with them and explain the circumstances. If he is able to tell them he needs a new nappy that is ideal, if not maybe they could do a 'just in case' change half way through the session.

[Originalfoogirl]

Jeez oh, immediately with the "why not potty train him" nonsense. Frankly it's nobody's business. Our girl wasn't trained at 3 years old and we were nowhere near trying it. I have no intention of explaining to anyone why that is. Not all children will be trained at that age and despite what judgey pants will say, it is rarely a "lazy parent" issue.

Most nurseries will be really pushy about not changing nappies past a certain age, but push back. If you want him changed, they should change him - especially if it is a private nursery. Regardless of ratios, they are providing a service. If it's a local authority nursery, it might be a more difficult issue to broach with them, but they should still do it. Does he know or can he ask, when his nappy is full, for them to change it?

I agree with those saying that a wet nappy for a few hours isn't generally a big deal. If there is a rash problem, presumably a barrier cream will help.