I really dislike listening to next doors parenting!

[DingBatDay]

Next door have a lovely DS same age as my oldest (5yrs). I have 2ds (5 & 3). Both mine are wonderful boys but my goodness do they try my patience. They are very energetic, very boisterous and very full on. I listen to next door talking to their ds and its is constantly wonderful, encouraging, supportive, praise, etc. they can both him him full attention and he thrives on it - he really is a lovely lad. I listen to me and I sound like a screaming banshee. I try so hard to be positive, encouraging, divert around conflict, etc but sometimes they just need the firm boundaries and sometimes that needs to be through my voice. I just think they must think I am awful. This evening we were all playing football in the garden, inevitably DS1 gets over excited kicks it too hard at DS2, Ds2 is a stroppy little lad at the best of times and marches up and punches DS1. DS1 retaliates and this all happens in the 2 seconds I turn around to collet ball. I tried talking it through with them i.e. what happened, how do we make it better - both refused to apologise and so I sent them in to calm down before we resumed playing. all the time I could this idealistic conversation next door as dad and son played football and mum cheered from the side. I am not at all criticising my neighbours, they are a lovely family and I admire their parenting - I just don't know how to maintain that sense of calm with my boys - they'll play wonderfully 90% of the time but there will inevitably be a fight and it is impossible to know when or what! Makes me constantly reflect on myself and find my parenting wanting!

[Schwabischeweihnachtskanne]

The solution is all your kids play together. Then theirs can experience important sibling squabling life skills too, and the parents can experience what they have to come and you can all watch and drink wine (not the pregnant neighbor...) / tea :o

Seriously though why aren't they all playing football together? Two five year olds in next door gardens playing the same game is a massive missed opportunity.Your parallel lives sound like the odd bit to me :o

[Slightlypanicked]

I was the cooing lovely supportive mother when I only had dd, ds came along and I turned into a bit of a banshee. They fight a lot and that's when it usually gets a little loud as I'm trying to parent over them shouting at each other. Don't even sweat it, anyone with more than one child knows how much more difficult it can be.

[Schwabischeweihnachtskanne]

Mole they probably weren't her kids - she was the nanny who is calm because she goes home to a peaceful child free home at the end of the day... either that or there was a massive bribe at play :o

[RubbleBubble00]

In my idealistic mind siblings help teach negotiation, strategy and basically how to get along withe people helps when Thry are standing toe to toe thumping each other

[geekymommy]

You have lovely parenting moments too, do you not? You happened to catch one of their lovely moments right after one of your not so lovely ones. That doesn't mean they never have not so lovely moments. Saying they're better parents than you from that is like me seeing that it's 18 degrees in Novosibirsk right now, which is nicer than the 30.5 it is here in Pittsburgh, and deciding to move to Novosibirsk. I bet the weather there in January won't be nicer than Pittsburgh's.

I find myself being exasperated more by two kids than I was by one (my DD is almost 4, DS is 1). Two kids is just harder.

[Sammysquiz]

I'm a much better parent outdoors when I think my neighbours are listening then I am when I'm safely inside

[swelchphr]

Agree with PPs, 1 is much different than 2. They'll see.

[PersianCatLady]

My Mum always advised me that 2 kids was more than double the work.

[HarryPottersMagicWand]

If my eldest was an only child parenting would be a doddle. Bring a sibling into it and it's constant refereeing, shouting, trying to remain calm whilst they constantly push your buttons and cannot occupy the same space for 5 seconds without it turning into an argument. And heaven forbid I leave the room or we try to play a game. Always descends into a bloody argument.

So don't pay too much attention, it will, definitely change once they have number 2! Your way of parenting sounds much more like most parents.

[Atenco]

I think you are lovely to have two children so close in age. I had an only child and it is much easier when they are babies and toddlers but afterwards I think it is much harder because they require a lot more entertaining.

[NoFanJoe]

Mine are the same, can't play with a ball for more than a few minutes without someone getting upset or angry. They're getting better through - a couple of years older than the OP's - because they get regular everyday practice in handling these things. With one child, that practice with other kids doesn't happen as readily. That's the positive I take out of it anyway!

[PastaLaFeasta]

I have two less than two years apart (6 and 4 now). I keep thinking having one is much easier and it's nowhere near as tough - I'd advised a friend to have one as it's more likely you can keep a bit more freedom and adult life (assuming she's happily married and the child has no illness/SN - DC1 is suspected ADHD so we had a tough time with one anyway). Is this true? I know it feels a lot easier when I have just one for a few hours, although they do get bored. Parents of single children seem a lot more relaxed while I climb the walls with anxiety/endless conflict/lack of personal space. Not that I can send one back ;)

[Br75]

5 boys here someone pass the

[Airandmungbeans]

This thread is making me feel so normal. I was that serene, calm parent until DS2 came along, actually, probably until DS2 was a year and DS1 turned 3. Then the constant bickering and whining (DS1) started. They are 2 and 4 now and my god, sometimes its a struggle to get through the day! I've turned into a screeching referee. Some days I'm so sick of the sound of my own voice!

[Airandmungbeans]

Br75, I salute you, you brave, brave woman! Have some wine and chocolate on me!

[AdultingIsNotWhatIExpected]

I was like them with my first

Looking back I cringe, Kids thrive when you get OUT of their face and let them get on with it (as you have to do when you have more than one)

I know parents of onlies who manage to NOT get up in their face constantly.. don't get me wrong.. but I wasn't one of them

My eldest is so much better off since having a sibling - christ she has space to breath for a start, who needs to constantly inhale both your parents second hand air cause they're both fawning over you all the time?

[gandalf456]

Mine are twelve and seven and I am far more patient one on one. Having one child is almost like having none

[Idontknowwhoiam]

I don't even ask who did what to who anymore... I can't shout at them while I'm breastfeeding the newest dc because he jumps and pulls on my nipple.
I intervene if there's blood and try to force an apology but mostly let them sort it out between themselves!!

[SatsukiKusakabe]

I had this at the swimming pool last week; my narrative was one of don't do this, don't jump, can you just wait, leave your sister alone, don't pick up that nappy, don't touch the bin, don't open the door, Just wait PLEASE!

Next door, with single child, was discussing how to play the cello.

I did think of what might have been, but not going to send the littlest back now she's too cute.

I was talking to my friend last week how proud of ourselves we are when we make it round a day out on our own with two. We agreed those serene mothers floating along with 3/4/5 in tow in seeming ease must be apparitions

[IsItMeOr]

You really can't know what is going on with other people's lives outside the snapshot you see.

For sanity, I think the only thing to do is try to focus on being the kind of parent you want to be, to the children you have.

[Sara107]

One of my work colleagues was super mum ( married to super dad) raising perfect child. All was calmness, firmness and gentleness, sleeping nights and happy days! They were proud of their parenting. DC 2 turned up! All changed, and they admitted that the previous situation was nothing to do with their parenting, they were just lucky to have had a super easy going child! I have one, generally very easy but there are always parenting 'fail' moments where I find myself roaring at her. Don't be too hard on yourself, and enjoy all the times when things aren't falling apart.

[happy2bhomely]

I think it's a personality thing rather than a numbers thing tbh. And how those different personalities get along.

I've got 5dc, 12 years between eldest and youngest, a mix of girls and boys. They are all pretty laid back. We don't shout very much at all. Very occasionally I will raise my voice if play is getting a bit physical, and shout 'ENOUGH!', but that's it. Or if we're out I might shout 'STOP!', if they are ahead of me. I am often complimented on my children in public and I always just kind of mumble thanks and get embarrassed.

But, my god, the talking involved to get this level of cooperation is unreal. For example, on the way out to eat, I will tell them that I expect good behaviour while we're out. I then ask them to tell me what good behaviour means. We talk about the importance of quiet voices, sitting still, good manners etc. Then I explain what will happen if they don't behave. (We will leave) Then as we walk in I will say something like, 'Right, let's have a nice time. Don't let me down.'

All everyone else sees is me sitting with my well behaved children. Where squirming can be stopped with just a raised eyebrow, because they know from experience that if one of them plays up I will, (and have) walk out mid meal if necessary.

Even better, the older ones now help with keeping the little ones in check. I will overhear them reminding the little ones to say thank you or to move over on the pavement.

What I am trying to say is that it's all a mix of personality, stages and what other pressures you might be facing at the time.

I would also like to say that I really don't think having one child is so much easier than 2 or even 3 or 4. It can be just as challenging in different ways.

[ohtheholidays]

Wait until yours are older OP.

Our 2 oldest DS's are 20 and 18 and our oldest loved his little brother to bits until they were about 8 and 6 and then they could squabble for England.

But the oldest turned 13 and they became best friends again.They're 20 and 18 now and our 20 year old spent nearly £200 on his brother for his 18th birthday recently.They're best friends and love the bones of one another.

We have 5DC and like any relationship our DC's relationships with one another have ups and downs.At the age your DC are at now they're very much living in each others pockets, as they get older and develop friendships outside of school and can start going out on they're own you should find that they squabble a lot less.

That's what we've found,our 4 oldest are 20,18,14 and 13 so they all have they're own interests and friends they go out with outside of work/school.Since that's started happening there's alot less arguments between our 18,14 and 13 year old.Our youngest is only 8 so she's lucky she gets spoiled rotten by the older 4.