I really dislike listening to next doors parenting!

[DingBatDay]

Next door have a lovely DS same age as my oldest (5yrs). I have 2ds (5 & 3). Both mine are wonderful boys but my goodness do they try my patience. They are very energetic, very boisterous and very full on. I listen to next door talking to their ds and its is constantly wonderful, encouraging, supportive, praise, etc. they can both him him full attention and he thrives on it - he really is a lovely lad. I listen to me and I sound like a screaming banshee. I try so hard to be positive, encouraging, divert around conflict, etc but sometimes they just need the firm boundaries and sometimes that needs to be through my voice. I just think they must think I am awful. This evening we were all playing football in the garden, inevitably DS1 gets over excited kicks it too hard at DS2, Ds2 is a stroppy little lad at the best of times and marches up and punches DS1. DS1 retaliates and this all happens in the 2 seconds I turn around to collet ball. I tried talking it through with them i.e. what happened, how do we make it better - both refused to apologise and so I sent them in to calm down before we resumed playing. all the time I could this idealistic conversation next door as dad and son played football and mum cheered from the side. I am not at all criticising my neighbours, they are a lovely family and I admire their parenting - I just don't know how to maintain that sense of calm with my boys - they'll play wonderfully 90% of the time but there will inevitably be a fight and it is impossible to know when or what! Makes me constantly reflect on myself and find my parenting wanting!

[PersianCatLady]

5 boys here
You must be a special type of person to cope with 5 boys and have such a bright personality (that is how your post comes across).
How old are your boys?

[captainfarrell]

Chin up OP, you sound like you're doing all the right things. I reckon I'm known as the fish wife in my road especially with all the windows open in summer! We laugh, love, shout and make-up, it's life with teenagers for me!

[SatsukiKusakabe]

Can I be really boring though and say that Siblings Without Rivalry is a very useful book for dealing with squabbles. It's an easy read and sometimes when I find myself drawn in I remember some of the stuff suggested and it has been helpful. Lots of good advice about how to effectively stay out of their relationship and while still fostering a good relationship between them.

[MoonlightMedicine]

Thank you for starting this thread OP. Just what I needed at the start of the long summer holidays. 5 year old and 2 year old here so I'm just at the start of the squabbling phase, but they are already expert at it.

[MrsDallowaySaid]

Not sure what my excuse is then, since I only have one, but still am not calm, Zen and devoted...

[Highlandfling80]

Op I am you. I have 3 DC and next door have 2. They always seem so together.

[DingBatDay]

Thanks all, I feel much more normal now. And yes we do have lots of happy moments and there are times when for a brief moment we may even look idealistic!
All three boys do regularly play together which is nice and their son definitely has the ability to hype up. I shall stop feeling rubbish and continuing parenting to the very best of my abilities!

[NatureCreatesFreaks]

I've now read thread
I'm going to ignore happy2bhomely's post. Even her username makes me feel shit!

[NatureCreatesFreaks]

Ah, I'm so glad I have read this thread well just page 1 actually, it's past midnight and brain hurts
I'm am feeling like a very shit mother at the moment and have been wondering recently why on earth I didn't just stick to 1 child!
I have dc 6&3. They fight & bicker so much. My ds(6) is a lovely kid, so calm & chilled but for some reason loves to wind up his sister, who has the most deafening screech and whinge. She is driving me to despair!
I used to be calm, patient, playful with ds. But now I'm ragged, short fused & tired of the same old thing day in day out. It's genuinelly shit!

[SatsukiKusakabe]

happy2bhomely you sound lovely. I'm not surprised you get compliments on your children. You must be one of those apparitions

isitmeor definitely has it - zen and the art of child maintenance.

[BeMorePanda]

My DC play together like angels. Until they start winding each other, and then they bicker whine and fight till the tears come of course.

[geekymommy]

The difficulty of dealing with kids goes up faster than linear. I think it goes at least as fast as n^2, possibly exponentially.

[ohtheholidays]

Wait until yours are older OP.

Our 2 oldest DS's are 20 and 18 and our oldest loved his little brother to bits until they were about 8 and 6 and then they could squabble for England.

But the oldest turned 13 and they became best friends again.They're 20 and 18 now and our 20 year old spent nearly £200 on his brother for his 18th birthday recently.They're best friends and love the bones of one another.

We have 5DC and like any relationship our DC's relationships with one another have ups and downs.At the age your DC are at now they're very much living in each others pockets, as they get older and develop friendships outside of school and can start going out on they're own you should find that they squabble a lot less.

That's what we've found,our 4 oldest are 20,18,14 and 13 so they all have they're own interests and friends they go out with outside of work/school.Since that's started happening there's alot less arguments between our 18,14 and 13 year old.Our youngest is only 8 so she's lucky she gets spoiled rotten by the older 4.

[happy2bhomely]

I think it's a personality thing rather than a numbers thing tbh. And how those different personalities get along.

I've got 5dc, 12 years between eldest and youngest, a mix of girls and boys. They are all pretty laid back. We don't shout very much at all. Very occasionally I will raise my voice if play is getting a bit physical, and shout 'ENOUGH!', but that's it. Or if we're out I might shout 'STOP!', if they are ahead of me. I am often complimented on my children in public and I always just kind of mumble thanks and get embarrassed.

But, my god, the talking involved to get this level of cooperation is unreal. For example, on the way out to eat, I will tell them that I expect good behaviour while we're out. I then ask them to tell me what good behaviour means. We talk about the importance of quiet voices, sitting still, good manners etc. Then I explain what will happen if they don't behave. (We will leave) Then as we walk in I will say something like, 'Right, let's have a nice time. Don't let me down.'

All everyone else sees is me sitting with my well behaved children. Where squirming can be stopped with just a raised eyebrow, because they know from experience that if one of them plays up I will, (and have) walk out mid meal if necessary.

Even better, the older ones now help with keeping the little ones in check. I will overhear them reminding the little ones to say thank you or to move over on the pavement.

What I am trying to say is that it's all a mix of personality, stages and what other pressures you might be facing at the time.

I would also like to say that I really don't think having one child is so much easier than 2 or even 3 or 4. It can be just as challenging in different ways.

[Sara107]

One of my work colleagues was super mum ( married to super dad) raising perfect child. All was calmness, firmness and gentleness, sleeping nights and happy days! They were proud of their parenting. DC 2 turned up! All changed, and they admitted that the previous situation was nothing to do with their parenting, they were just lucky to have had a super easy going child! I have one, generally very easy but there are always parenting 'fail' moments where I find myself roaring at her. Don't be too hard on yourself, and enjoy all the times when things aren't falling apart.

[IsItMeOr]

You really can't know what is going on with other people's lives outside the snapshot you see.

For sanity, I think the only thing to do is try to focus on being the kind of parent you want to be, to the children you have.

[SatsukiKusakabe]

I had this at the swimming pool last week; my narrative was one of don't do this, don't jump, can you just wait, leave your sister alone, don't pick up that nappy, don't touch the bin, don't open the door, Just wait PLEASE!

Next door, with single child, was discussing how to play the cello.

I did think of what might have been, but not going to send the littlest back now she's too cute.

I was talking to my friend last week how proud of ourselves we are when we make it round a day out on our own with two. We agreed those serene mothers floating along with 3/4/5 in tow in seeming ease must be apparitions

[Idontknowwhoiam]

I don't even ask who did what to who anymore... I can't shout at them while I'm breastfeeding the newest dc because he jumps and pulls on my nipple.
I intervene if there's blood and try to force an apology but mostly let them sort it out between themselves!!

[gandalf456]

Mine are twelve and seven and I am far more patient one on one. Having one child is almost like having none

[AdultingIsNotWhatIExpected]

I was like them with my first

Looking back I cringe, Kids thrive when you get OUT of their face and let them get on with it (as you have to do when you have more than one)

I know parents of onlies who manage to NOT get up in their face constantly.. don't get me wrong.. but I wasn't one of them

My eldest is so much better off since having a sibling - christ she has space to breath for a start, who needs to constantly inhale both your parents second hand air cause they're both fawning over you all the time?

[Airandmungbeans]

Br75, I salute you, you brave, brave woman! Have some wine and chocolate on me!

[Airandmungbeans]

This thread is making me feel so normal. I was that serene, calm parent until DS2 came along, actually, probably until DS2 was a year and DS1 turned 3. Then the constant bickering and whining (DS1) started. They are 2 and 4 now and my god, sometimes its a struggle to get through the day! I've turned into a screeching referee. Some days I'm so sick of the sound of my own voice!

[Br75]

5 boys here someone pass the