To think my friend should have believed me?

[FriendDilema]

Long story so bear with me

A couple of years ago I had a party, drank way too much, the usual story. I ended up very drunk, collapsed on the floor, being sick and my partner had to carry me to bed with the help of my friend's partner, lets call him Bob.

Anyway my partner left me, with Bob watching me, while they got a sick bowl and glass of water. Returned to find that Bob had removed my bra and was groping me and sucking my breasts, I was asleep.

An argument occurred, Bob apologised and left and it was never mentioned again. I was told the story in the morning and had no knowledge of what had happened.

Fast forward a few years and I've struggled with anxiety since, have been avoiding this friend, attempted suicide, can't stop blaming myself and questioning if I led him on etc.

I decided to tell my friend what happened, as they had been asking why I don't come out anymore etc.

Now my friend has blocked me on facebook, is completely blanking me and I have to watch her happy and laughing (they live close) with the man who assaulted me. I feel like once again I'm the one being punished and suffering for what he did.

AIBU to think she should have believed me? She knew there had been an argument that night, she knew the relationship had been strained since, she had to suspect something.

[AcrossthePond55]

I'd bet she does believe you, but is choosing to keep her current life as that's easiest for her. So you become the sacrificial lamb, unfortunately.

The 'draping herself' is partially to hurt you for 'disrupting' her perfect life and partially to convince herself that you are a liar.

I believe you. All you can do is learn to feel sorry for her because eventually something will happen that she won't be able to ignore.

[Mummyme1987]

Even if it has been too long to prosecute, if he does anything else it's background info

[WellIGuessThisIsGrowingUp]

I believe you too.

Sending my support xxx

[GarlicStake]

I believe you, too. What a revolting creep. I agree with reporting it, mainly because of the 'background evidence' thing.

It's horrid for you that they live opposite!

[Lostinmaui]

It's chilling how often this kind of thing happens. I think it happened to me when I was about 18 - I took a sip of drink then passed out. Next thing I know I'm in a male "friend's" bed and feeling sure something happened but because I couldn't remember there was nothing I could do.

Stay strong and please report. I regret not doing so all those years ago. But you have your DH as witness which has got to be worth a lot.

[VestalVirgin]

She should have believed you.

Though I cannot understand why this did not end in violence. I would be furious if I saw some guy sexually assault a friend of mine.

Being shocked makes people act in strange ways, though.

[defineme]

You never know what's happening behind their front door op. I am so sorry for what happened to you. It made me think of a friend who has just revealed that her seemingly perfect marriage is actually a living nightmare of abuse...he may well be abusing her too. Doesn't make her not believing you right, just an explanation. Is there anyway you can move op?this is ruining your life

[AdjustableWench]

I believe you.

Unfortunately people just don't want to believe their partner is capable of such a horrific act. There's a similar phenomenon when children report sexual abuse by their fathers - their own mothers often don't believe them.

It's shit.

[SpiritedLondon]

As someone else has said its not too late to report it to the police if that's a route that you choose. I'm sure that deep down your friend knows that you are not lying but cannot acknowledge that because she would then have to admit that a person she loves & has chosen to be with is capable of this kind of assault. I would expect that he told her that you came onto him and your DH has misconstrued what he saw. That's much easier for her to believe and hence her reason for cutting you off. It may be that she would have believed that even if she had caught him herself. Unfortunately some women have been complicit with all types horrible abuse to friends/children over the years etc rather than face what may be going on in their own homes. I hope you can find a way to move forward from this. It may be that the scales will fall from your friends eyes and she comes to apologise to you at a later date - but I wouldn't hold my breath. There is counselling available to help if you think it would be beneficial.

[FriendDilema]

Thank you everyone, it's really helpful. My partner was shocked yes but isn't a violent person anyway, was also pretty drunk at the time and not thinking straight and was very good friends with Bob so probably didn't know how to act.

i really really want to move and have been trying to for years, unfortunately it's not financially possible. We have a council house so subsidised rent and can't afford market rates in the area at all so we're stuck here. I know they are in a similar situation from previous discussions so feels like there is no getting away from it.

To those saying report, I can't face going through all that for their to not be enough evidence. I can't remember a thing, I still can't except a vague memory of something he said to me. My partner would be the only person giving evidence.