Aibu to or let DD out to play?

[SecretlycrushingonTomHanks]

DD1 is 5 and started primary school last summer, she is a Feb birthday and so is youngest in her class, 2 years younger than the oldest child. We live in a small village but have 2 schools which share a campus one Catholic and one non denominational. DD goes to the catholic school which is tiny the other school is huge. Anyway, not much relevance there but these facts are needed.
Ever since DD started school a group of older girls (about 8 years old, some younger ones) have been coming to the door and asking her out to play. They seem nice enough and are from our street and the neighbouring street but we don't know them/their parents at all and aren't at DD's school. These children are allowed to go wherever and do whatever they like and their parents never know where they are. A good example of this is I allowed one to come in and play one Friday afternoon at about 4 and eventually we had to ask her to leave about 8 as we were going to get DD's ready for bed. I'd be worried sick if my child had been away for all that time and I didn't have a clue where they were! Since then that girl has came back with her little brother (about 3/4 years old) and in groups of other girls around her age. I haven't let them back into my house though as I don't want to have them in here all the time especially when I don't know them! We live in a cauldisac and can't see the street from our house so I'm reluctant to let DD out to play as I wouldn't know where she was or who she was with on top of the fact she doesn't have any road sense really, it's a busy cauldisac with lots of turning vehicles, and I think she's a bit young to be playing out unsupervised. They only way I could watch her would be to stand out in the car park like a loony. They come to the house at least twice a week and at first I made excuses like we're going out or having dinner etc so DD couldn't come out but now I just don't answer the door. They knock for ages and one has even tried the door one evening! One came to the door for DD at 9pm last Friday night, DH answered the door to her and said it was very late and she should maybe go home. I was just like at a child still being out at that time and coming to basically a strangers door! We come from an area where there are a lot of what you'd probably call deprived families mostly with parents not working, taking drugs, drinking etc so I know a lot of these children don't have great home lives which is another reason I don't want DD out with them, she doesn't need exposed to that and I fear for her safety. So AIBU to not let DD out to play with these kids? Am I being snobby? DD gets so upset as she really wants out to play but I just feel it's so unsafe and DH doesn't trust the kids. He thinks they're going to take DD away and do something to her. I feel rotten though as I could be stopping DD making friends and possibly opening the door to her being bullied when she's older by them for being stuck up. Having children is so hard sometimes .

[Paintedhandprints]

I wouldn't either. Why do they want your dd so badly? I'd nip this in the bud now too. It sounds annoying if nothing else. They are too old and your dd too young. They probably want her to be a dolly for them but I can imagine how quickly they may tire of her and potentially gang up on her or abandon her somewhere.
Your dh is probably thinking of the Sarah Payne case, Jamie Bulger, the Edlington boys, or the April Jones. That and increased traffic is why less kids are allowed to play out unsupervised these days. I say this as someone who was allowed to play out in our cul-de-sac from age 4...

[SecretlycrushingonTomHanks]

That is what DH thinks painted and it's such an awful thing to think but it does happen and their insistence does make you wonder. I feel sorry for them a lot of the time as it'll be outing with rain and they'll be at my door, I don't think their parents want them around, but I can't have them all in my house especially as I don't know them. The one little girl I let in to play asked DD to show her mine and DH's bedroom and then was asking her all sorts of questions about if we slept in there together, could've been her being curious but I thought it was strange. I could hear her in the baby monitor. I'm glad most people do agree with me now though. I was starting to wonder if I was nuts with some of the responses I'd had.

[Maybebabybee]

Your dh is probably thinking of the Sarah Payne case, Jamie Bulger, the Edlington boys, or the April Jones.

I'm sorry but if you think like this you'll literally never let your kids go anywhere or do anything. Statistically the odds of something so horrific happening to them are almost nil. They are far, far more likely to be hurt or killed in a car accident or accident at home.

To reiterate - I think it is perfectly reasonable of you not to let your DD play out with these children. But I think your DH's reasons are bonkers and illogical.

[SecretlycrushingonTomHanks]

He wouldn't think that of all children maybe it's because they just started coming to the door for her even though they don't know her so he's a bit wary of that. I don't think that's bonkers or illogical I can totally see where he's coming from. I wish we could see out into the street so I could let her okay with them whilst i watched as I really wouldn't mind that. If anything was happening I could intervene. I know what you mean if you had that attitude to everything you'd never let your kids out. Luckily I know the kids she's at school with and their parents so when she's a little older and able to go out to play it'll most likely be with school friends and I'll be happy knowing she's pretty safe.

[WordGetsAround]

I wouldn't let her play out.

I don't think your DH is a knob.

[buddy79]

Yanbu. Maybe it's different in different towns but I would not even consider letting a 5yr old play out in streets out of sight with older children. She's too young and 8/9 pm is much too late. I used to play out at 8/9 yrs but on light early evenings with the girls next door who were the same age that my parents knew well, and only ever in our street. This is a completely different scenario. Could you maybe ask one of the girls if you can speak to their parents and invite one or two over for a defined time one evening? just explain that your daughter is younger and too young to be out that late, but they're welcome to play at your home?

[bumsexatthebingo]

I think 5 is a bit young to be playing out of sight. I let my eldest when she was around 6 but she is very sensible and knew to come and ask first if she wanted to go into someones house/garden. I wouldn't have a child in my house if the parents didn't know about it tbh so I think ywu to do that.
Why not introduce yourself to the parents and invite the chidren over to play at your house/in your garden? Then your dd can have some playmates and be supervised.
For the record I don't find the childrens interest in your dd sinister. Where we live all the children in the street play together from about age 4 to about age 10 and it was the same when I was younger.

[NickiFury]

I don't think your husband is ridiculous or anything else that's been said about him on this thread. I think he feels uncomfortable about it and is struggling to properly articulate why. But his gut is saying no.

[SecretlycrushingonTomHanks]

I don't think the parents would've bothered bingo. They don't have a clue where she is most of the time anyway. At least for the few hours she was here she was definitely safe. This is the same girl that came to the door at 9pm. My DD was in bed. I know what you mean about asking her in though and wouldn't do it again. She turned up the next day in the pouring rain with her little brother (he's 3 or 4) but I said we were going out as I didn't want them both in. They don't live in our street either FWIW they live in the next street along. So many mixed opinions here but glad most seem to think like me and I'm not off my head.

[EarthboundMisfit]

Your DH is unreasonable. However, 5 is without question too young to play out without an adult imo.

[SecretlycrushingonTomHanks]

Thanks Nicki you're right. I think a lot of people have been pretty harsh about him. At the end of the day it's his 5 year old DD and he doesn't feel right about it.