Gender/sex scan

[Zuccarelli]

Aibu to get a little irritated at people referring to the 20 week scan like this? It's like they think that's all the scan is for! I didn't want to find out the sex but the only question anyone asked was "what are you having then?" or "what is it?" Nobody ever asks "is everything ok?" It's almost as though people view it as a sex scan rather than an anomaly scan. A colleague came back from hers crying and we thought there was a problem. She said she was "devasted" they couldn't see the sex and it was a waste of an appointment!

I know iab a bit u. Bigger things to worry about bla bla bla. But I'm sure most people get mildly irritated at a few things!

[Crunchymum]

Yep if we are getting pedantic its the anomaly scan (not the 20 weeks scan!)

I didn't find out sex with my first and with the second we were told sex and then immediately told there was a potential issue [worst case scenario would have been CF, thankfully all was clear!!]

I didn't give a flying fuck about baby's sex after being told they potentially had a life limiting condition.

[ErrolTheDragon]

They'd have a hard time scanning for 'gender' wouldn't they? though sadly the people obsessed with the sex of the baby are liable to be putting the poor kid firmly in a gender box before its even born.

[zofranks]

YANBU - I was relieved everything was ok because I had refused the amnio so there was a small chance of downs and then I really pissed everyone off by pointblank refusing to find out what I was having. I knew I would only ever have one child and honestly is this not the biggest surprise present you can ever open?

[Blablabla1984]

Everyone agrees that the baby's health comes first without a question. I don't think people would RATHER know the gender than the health...

I don't really care to call it anomaly scan because it throws negative connotation on it. The baby might or might not have anomaly, but it definitely has gender ;)

[Scarydinosaurs]

I only wanted a viable baby 😥

The thought that the child inside me, that I could feel move and stretch and kick, might never be put in my arms and held was dreadful. 'Healthy' might mean different things to different people, I simply wanted to know my baby would continue to grow and be born.

[EdmundCleverClogs]

Bla, oh dear. You've just opened yourself up to a patronising lecture about how a baby does not have a gender ever, only a sex.

[ElsaAintAsColdAsMe]

sadly the people obsessed with the sex of the baby are liable to be putting the poor kid firmly in a gender box before its even born.

Oh how wrong you are. I was 'obsessed' with finding out the sex of my babies. After my son died I wanted to know to prepare myself if i was having another boy. Same thing a few years later when I find out I was pregnant after my daughter died.

Wanting to know if there are any problems and wanting to know the sex aren't mutually exclusive

[Blablabla1984]

haha EdmundCleverClogs :D

You know what I mean though. I think people know what the scan is about but don't always feel it's their place to ask about the health unless the mum wants to share it.

The sex however is more of a light hearted question.

[switswoo81]

When I went for my 20 week scan noone mentioned finding out the sex which was grand as we wanted to wait. A lady I was chatting to in the waiting room told me that the sonographer wasn't a bit happy when she asked as she had more important things to be looking for. Obviously not the same in every hospital.

[OohMavis]

Everyone knows what the scan is for.

I walked into my anomaly scan hoping a) that the baby was ok, growing well with no issues and b) that I'd find out their sex. I didn't mention how anxious I was that everything was ok to anyone but DH, but I did mention my hopes for finding out to everyone else. Because most people don't really give that much of a shit if it's not their pregnancy

The sex is a pretty major a talking point for most people. "She had cracking kidneys" isn't.

[Porcupinetree]

There were anomalies found at my daughter's 20 week scan, I enjoyed finding out her sex because it gave us something other than anomalies to focus on.

[Mummyme1987]

I found out I was having a baby with disabilities at a scan. It was the worst moment of my life. i was told it was best to have an abortion. I didn't. I was told if I was lucky it was Downs, but it was much more likely it was something fatal. Worst day of my life. I hate hearing women talking about scans with the sex being the focus.

[bluebelle2662]

I found out at my anomaly scan that I was going to lose my baby. So yes, it upsets me when people say that. Usually people who are very naive. My friend asked "how do they know?" What do you think the scan is for?!

[nonline]

No one I know actually referred to it that way, but YANBU if people do.
I will hold my hand up to being pretty ignorant about all the 'official' stages of pregnancy and found the 20wk scan genuinely interesting and was surprised we were shown so much (luckily all ok).
Afterwards I asked about gender - rather assuming the sonographer would have asked me - only to be told she hadn't really looked and got me back on table to do so (I only really wanted to know for name choosing).

[Princesspinkgirl]

I'm booking a private gender scan but I would rather know my baby is healthy

[Farmmummy]

I agree I have had really difficult pregnancies, my first dd was a preemie with preeclampsia, placental abruption and IUGR and although there were no anomalies at 20 week scan we were told baby was already a little small however it was 28 weeks before things really began to move, so finding out gender wasn't a priority (we didn't!). Second pregnancy I lost twins and almost didn't make it myself from the haemorrhage,. Third pregnancy I had several bleeds including one at 9 weeks with cramps and clots (tmi) but made it to 20 week scan to be told she (didn't ask but sonographer said it) had irregular heartbeat and would need several heart scans and possibly an operation at 3 days old (which thankfully she didn't). Have to agree gender means nothing to us just grateful to have them

[Zuccarelli]

Farmmummy for you. I'm so sorry for your losses

[SteviebunsBottrittrundle]

Wanting to know if there are any problems and wanting to know the sex aren't mutually exclusive

^^this really. As pps have said, nobody really talks about how worried they are about the health of their baby, but it's totally acceptable to discuss the sex.

It does annoy me when people say they are going to find out the 'gender' though. I sometimes correct people as politely and light heartedly as possible - God that makes me sound like a total douche , but anyway.

We didn't find out the sex but even that was all I discussed with colleagues etc: the fact we weren't finding out and why. I didn't start telling them all the things I was actually worried about as it A) wasn't their business and B) probably wouldn't have been a socially acceptable thing to discuss.

[Dontneedausername]

Where I live, the hospital don't tell you the sex.
So most people pay privately for a sex scan, mostly after the 20 week scan.

We generally have "the 20 week scan" then the "sex scan" if you want to know and are willing to pay.

[Badders123]

The correct term is anomaly scan
Why does it bother you?
You don't want to know...that's fine
Some do...which is also fine

[ollieplimsoles]

My family were really angry that o didn't find out the sex of my baby at my anomaly scan. I really didn't care at all I just wanted my baby to be born and be held, that was all. After three miscarriages in the family the pressure was immense..

[hazeimcgee]

ElsaAintAsColdAsMe i'm so sorry 😕 xxx

[elliejjtiny]

YANBU, this really annoys me too. My anomaly scan with DS4 showed a problem that was the first indication that he was going to be born with a disability and medical issues. I find I worry a lot about other people's scans since then and anxiously wait for news.

[muddypuddled]

Completely agree. With my first we were so excited to find out the sex but we also found out that he had hydrocephalus and that he may have any number of disabilities and problems. From the. On we had to have so many scans and tests. It was scary and horrible and the rest of the pregnancy I was in such a state of worry for the unknown that I couldn't relax and enjoy it. In the end our ds was absolutely fine and still is now. He's had no lasting effects and is a happy 3 year old now. With my dd I was so anxious then for the 20 week scan to know if she was going to be ok. I cried the whole way through with worry and was relieved to find out that she had no anomalies. It was a nice bonus to find out that we were going to have a girl and although it was nice to see my son regularly up until his birth with scans, I was much happier not to see my dd that regularly!

[TractorComesFirst]

YANBU at my anomaly scan my whole world came crashing down when we were told that my babies heart was a complete mess so much so that no operation or transplant could be done. In the end the only decision to make was to have a termination. I have since has a healthy baby but their anomaly scan was awful, finding out the sex never even featured in my thoughts I was just praying for a healthy baby.

But then I feel like everyone goes in to this quite naive especially if you haven't encountered anyone who has had problems at their scans and if finding out the sex of your baby is something you want to do then it probably is quite exciting.