AIBU shall i call socil services??

[cookiemama14]

Hi I am newbie here, just want some advice about what I do. I know someone who pregnant due in December, she got special needs ,emotional behaviour problems, she is 29 but act like 17yr old, her dog was taken away from her by her family as she was not capable of looking after it, her family are concerned because they say she can't look after her self let alone a baby. I have tried to help give advice and she said "I don't care, I don't want to know". She had a stillborn 3yrs ago and last pregnancy ss was involved, but not this one ,idk why. She was smoking last ,pregnancy and doing with this one, she got type 1 diabetes, autoimmune hepatitis B, I am worried what affect she having on her unborn, and lack capacity to Understand this and to look after baby, but she seems to think she knows everything about babies, when she clearly don't understand, she did not know what swaddling is, even saying she very experienced with many different babies, I know she had 3yr over for two hrs while mother at dentist , she ended up hitting the 3yr old, also her sister don't trust her with ds who is two, when he was new born she let him bang his head and not tell her sister, but sister found out. Do you think I shall call ss , I know if I am posting this in the right bit, but any advice would be much appreciated,Ty.

[mrgrouper]

Not engaging with SS is a bad idea. If she slams the door in their face they will be back with the police.
Irrespective of whether or not she has special needs, going out getting drunk while pregnant is totally irresponsible and selfish.

[CarrotVan]

What she does if and when Social Services contact her is irrelevant to you making the decision to report her behaviour.

You report and leave it to the professionals to deal with refusing to engage or any other issues.

[LadyStarkOfWinterfell]

Not worried cookie - I'm a SW and I was saying that the previous poster's advice to 'beak out' (keep your nose out of it) was stupid advice.
If she shuts the door on social services they will not just walk away, don't worry.
And to pp assuming midwives will always spot a potential child at risk - sadly not. Most are fantastic but we still get referrals at the point of due date or after baby is born when mother has seen midwives all through but a new professional has seen her and gone and made a referral pronto. Never assume someone else has raised it.

[cookiemama14]

What would u do in my shoes, ladystark i have offered support and told her if she needs help pick the phone and ring me, but i don't think she heard (busy shouting at neighbours) repeated in txt also told her I drive down to help her for, my sister will look after lb for the day , her family been telling me do it cos they don't won't to fall out with her, which put me in tight spot, she been ringing me telling me things do u think it wroth wait and see how she holds out, then any concerns, I would call. I know baby will be kept in for aweek due the diabetes and she stay with baby as well.

[spornersunited]

Anyone with genuine concerns should of course call SS, but TBH I find it hard to believe they are going to be interested in someone based on the OP.

Smoking when pregnant is obviously not good .but is hardly illegal, nor is being immature (I'm 48 and still act 17 !) and as for not knowing what swaddling is.

The only thing concerning in the OP is that she allegedly hit a 3 year old whilst in her care and TBH that could mean a tap on the hand for going near something hot !!!

[MatildaTheCat]

As a former midwife working with vulnerable women I would be very surly if this woman hadn't been flagged up as a concern. SS often have a very heavy workload so may be intending to visit.

Jot down your major points and call SS and give them the information then you have done your bit.

If your god daughter is able to manage her illnesses, especially type 1 diabetes through her pregnancy then she definitely does have ability. If she is not managing and neglecting her health then that will be flagged at the hospital.

[MatildaTheCat]

Surprised, not surly.

Also OP, a bit strange to mention the vodka drinking so late in the discussion?

[2yummymummy2]

I would write everything down and call social services anon

People do fall through the cracks in the ss system

Report it ASAP as you said her hep b medical condition could require treatment which she doesn't understand the importance of

Write it all down first so that you don't forget anything and don't feel bad. You are protecting an unborn baby from someone who isn't capable of understanding prenatal care

[glasgowlass]

If you have serious concerns you must call SS. They won't pass on any details as to who called. They are there to help & support your friend.
To echo pps, I'd be surprised if your friend wasn't already on SS radar.

[2yummymummy2]

Lots of social workers don't do their job properly and fail children so even if she is on the system, it's best to have another social worker or team leader look into what's going on

Please call them today!

[BeautyGoesToBenidorm]

All other concerns aside for the minute, the hepatitis B is a worry in itself. Has she received treatment to kill or at least drastically reduce the viral load present in her body? The baby will need shots after birth to prevent it developing the virus itself, and if your friend still has active hep B, this will be putting extra strain on her liver and the rest of her body during pregnancy.

Any idea how she contracted it? It's bloodborne, so it could've been picked up from an infected needle, or through unprotected sex.

[alohaimnew]

Beak Out? What an awful thing to say especially as the poster is concerned for the welfare of a child! Who will take resposibility when the baby is here and is not cared for properly by the mother - you @Houseconfusion? or do we all wait to read about it in the Daily Mail after somethign awful happens??!

OP - absolutely speak to someone about concerns and kudos for being so caring.

[2nds]

What job does the baby's daddy do that goes on from 5am to 8.30am and does he work five days a week?

[cookiemama14]

It is autoimmune hepatitis B linked type one diabetes( means body is attacking liver), she on meds for that She had since after the Frist pregnancy after going jaundiced. my friend ask me to be god mother, Baby dad works on the farm , she said he going fo night shifts with baby so she can sleep, I am going ring to ss later today , maybe they can speak to her what she is doing when she goes put drinking but her excuse is I don't do it everyday just every three days she has what called a mad night out, her mother and father have disabled adult dd who needs 24 hours of care a day seven days aweek, baby father, parents don't on and live on other side of UK .

[cookiemama14]

As far as support goes , she not got much, I have offered and will still keep offering, but she not that keen or just not listening to me much. Idk

[cookiemama14]

Do u know ,if there is an out of hours number I can call, by time I pick lb up from nursery and put him to bedit might be too late to ring on normal hours. Ty

[BeautyGoesToBenidorm]

Autoimmune hepatitis is different to hep B, but if she's already experienced jaundice because of it, she really shouldn't be going out and getting drunk, pregnant or not.

There should be a local out of hours number for SS - you can find it online. I know you're concerned, you'd be doing the right thing by telling them

[cookiemama14]

Ty beauty goes, just did not know who I could talk about this, did not mean to get people back up, sorry, I just want to help , cos I care, did not think was being nosey, just from what family saying and she telling me, hoping she will give up the cigarettes as well, I don't want her to go through what she been through, I thought she give up as this was a planed pregnancy.

[branofthemist]

I would ring SS. Then you have done all you can.

You have already offered support. You can't make her take you up on it.

She should already be on SS radar, however some people slip through the cracks.

Personally I would want to know I had done all I can.

[blueskyinmarch]

Most SS will take referrals/calls from 9-5 and then and Out of Hours service kicks in.The out of hours service is generally only for emergency things and they would probably not take your call. This is not an emergency or even a quick response issue. It can wait until you have time during the day when you can make the call, even if that if a few days or weeks. Alternatively you can call the NSPPC and they can pass on your concerns for you?

[PixieGio]

The Beak Out comment saddens me. I bet the neighbours to those horrid women sentenced today thought they should keep their beak out too. Speak up. For the sake of that unborn child.

[awkward91]

I think calling social services sounds like a sensible thing to do. It seems as though she may have fallen off their radar and your concerns regarding her ability to care for a baby sound legitimate

[spornersunited]

So I'm risking a right Mnet flaming here.

BUT No wonder SS are so over stretched that children (& other vulnerable people) slip through the net and end up seriously abused or neglected (or worse)
Every single Social worker I know has a case load so large that they are drowning and TBH a bunch of people on an internet forum urging a poster to contact and report based on the facts that a pregnant woman is drinking and smoking is taking valuable resources away from those that really warrant it - TBH its like advising someone to go to A&E with a splinter !
The OP Stated that
a) the mother to be smokes - you only have to stand outside the local maternity hospital to seen how common this is.
b) MTB is drinking - ok again not great .but wtf do you think SS will do ? its not against the law to drink when pregnant
C) mother is apparently immature - a matter of opinion and I know plenty of 30 year olds that act 15.
D) she doesn't know what swaddling is - I'm sure the baby will survive in a gro bag
e ) she has 2 serious health conditions - she's obviously under the care of professionals who are managing them and she is receiving adequate care.
f) she has a learning disability - again that could be anything,and lets face it if she has the apparent maturity of a 17 year old ,its probably mild and bears no impact on how good a mother she'll be .

I'm all for concerns being reported but FFS get a grip.

[ILostItInTheEarlyNineties]

Social Services are overstretched because of government cuts and a lack of funding.