AIBU shall i call socil services??

[cookiemama14]

Hi I am newbie here, just want some advice about what I do. I know someone who pregnant due in December, she got special needs ,emotional behaviour problems, she is 29 but act like 17yr old, her dog was taken away from her by her family as she was not capable of looking after it, her family are concerned because they say she can't look after her self let alone a baby. I have tried to help give advice and she said "I don't care, I don't want to know". She had a stillborn 3yrs ago and last pregnancy ss was involved, but not this one ,idk why. She was smoking last ,pregnancy and doing with this one, she got type 1 diabetes, autoimmune hepatitis B, I am worried what affect she having on her unborn, and lack capacity to Understand this and to look after baby, but she seems to think she knows everything about babies, when she clearly don't understand, she did not know what swaddling is, even saying she very experienced with many different babies, I know she had 3yr over for two hrs while mother at dentist , she ended up hitting the 3yr old, also her sister don't trust her with ds who is two, when he was new born she let him bang his head and not tell her sister, but sister found out. Do you think I shall call ss , I know if I am posting this in the right bit, but any advice would be much appreciated,Ty.

[NeedsAsockamnesty]

I agree that beak out is very bad advice and erring on the side of caution is not a bad thing however.

It may be usual for unborn children safeguarding not to kick in until a fair few weeks AFTER 24 weeks gestation.

It is also not normal for family or friends to decide someone lacks capacity that is not a phrase you can bandy about willy nilly it's a quite precise formal term and something that would be assesed by a professional and would produce very precise results and these would be very apparent during any medical intervention assesment or treatment she had.

She is also fully entitled to smoke and drink and it would not be unusual at all for any safeguarding for fas or other issues to be death with at birth.

[CarrotVan]

There is no recommended 'safe' amount to drink in pregnancy. There isn't enough clinical evidence to determine a safe amount so HCPs recommend none at all.

[MLGs]

I agree. Make the call. Its likely they already are aware but just in case.

"Beak out" comment above has given me the rage. Terrible advice.

[Andbabymakesthree]

Qualified SW. Make the call. Dont use out of hours either!

[LagunaBubbles]

Houseconfusion well telling OP to keep their "beak out" isn't very helpful is it? How many times after a tragedy where a child has lost its life do people do the "what if I had only reported my concerns"?

[alohaimnew]

@sporner - you going to take responsibility IF something happens to that child? so your wouldnt err on the side of caution? You sound nice and caring.

[NeedsAsockamnesty]

Is she even past 24 weeks?

[MiscellaneousAssortment]

I'd phone ss just to be sure.

But I'd also be very clear that having mild learning difficulties is NOT a reason by itself for anyone to decide an adult cannot have a baby, which I think can get forgotten.

[redexpat]

OP. Ring social services and tell them what you know first hand, not what others have told you. As pps have said she probably will be on their radar, but mistakes do happen, and the more info ss have, the better the picture they have, and the most appropriate action can be taken.

What exactly are the uk guidelines wrt alcohol consumption whilst pg? Is it something along the lines of one small glass of wine a week is ok? But if she is drinking more than that then she could well be damaging the baby.

[ILostItInTheEarlyNineties]

I think you are slightly missing the point, Sporner it's not just a case of smoking during pregnancy, it's more the fact that the op has been under pressure from this woman's family to contact social services because they don't feel she is capable of caring for a pet dog let alone a child. She is also behaving erratically during pregnancy and binge drinking which displays warning signs that she is not responsible for her own health, or that of her baby.

It's likely that SS are aware of her and have her on file already. There's nothing wrong with the Op checking that is the case.

I understand your point but it's a dangerous attitude to have. Turning a blind eye to possible child neglect because you don't want to burden SS with more work is not justifiable.

[spornersunited]

navy no I'm not a SW ,but I do have daily contact with numerous SW and know that they are overstretched (understatement) and whilst they investigating reports such as the above there is every chance that there is a referral sat on someone's desk of a child in need that really needs immediate help.

Mnetters are generally very anti people attending A&E and wasting NHS resources unnecessarily - so why not SS ?

Judging by this thread perhaps they should have a SW outside of every hospital maternity dept just so they can add every pregnant woman caught lighting up after their scan appointments to their case load (NOT that I agree with smoking whilst pregnant)

[PixieGio]

We know they are stretched. As all government organisations are and private companies too.

[ILostItInTheEarlyNineties]

Social Services are overstretched because of government cuts and a lack of funding.

[spornersunited]

So I'm risking a right Mnet flaming here.

BUT No wonder SS are so over stretched that children (& other vulnerable people) slip through the net and end up seriously abused or neglected (or worse)
Every single Social worker I know has a case load so large that they are drowning and TBH a bunch of people on an internet forum urging a poster to contact and report based on the facts that a pregnant woman is drinking and smoking is taking valuable resources away from those that really warrant it - TBH its like advising someone to go to A&E with a splinter !
The OP Stated that
a) the mother to be smokes - you only have to stand outside the local maternity hospital to seen how common this is.
b) MTB is drinking - ok again not great .but wtf do you think SS will do ? its not against the law to drink when pregnant
C) mother is apparently immature - a matter of opinion and I know plenty of 30 year olds that act 15.
D) she doesn't know what swaddling is - I'm sure the baby will survive in a gro bag
e ) she has 2 serious health conditions - she's obviously under the care of professionals who are managing them and she is receiving adequate care.
f) she has a learning disability - again that could be anything,and lets face it if she has the apparent maturity of a 17 year old ,its probably mild and bears no impact on how good a mother she'll be .

I'm all for concerns being reported but FFS get a grip.

[awkward91]

I think calling social services sounds like a sensible thing to do. It seems as though she may have fallen off their radar and your concerns regarding her ability to care for a baby sound legitimate

[PixieGio]

The Beak Out comment saddens me. I bet the neighbours to those horrid women sentenced today thought they should keep their beak out too. Speak up. For the sake of that unborn child.

[blueskyinmarch]

Most SS will take referrals/calls from 9-5 and then and Out of Hours service kicks in.The out of hours service is generally only for emergency things and they would probably not take your call. This is not an emergency or even a quick response issue. It can wait until you have time during the day when you can make the call, even if that if a few days or weeks. Alternatively you can call the NSPPC and they can pass on your concerns for you?

[branofthemist]

I would ring SS. Then you have done all you can.

You have already offered support. You can't make her take you up on it.

She should already be on SS radar, however some people slip through the cracks.

Personally I would want to know I had done all I can.

[cookiemama14]

Ty beauty goes, just did not know who I could talk about this, did not mean to get people back up, sorry, I just want to help , cos I care, did not think was being nosey, just from what family saying and she telling me, hoping she will give up the cigarettes as well, I don't want her to go through what she been through, I thought she give up as this was a planed pregnancy.

[BeautyGoesToBenidorm]

Autoimmune hepatitis is different to hep B, but if she's already experienced jaundice because of it, she really shouldn't be going out and getting drunk, pregnant or not.

There should be a local out of hours number for SS - you can find it online. I know you're concerned, you'd be doing the right thing by telling them

[cookiemama14]

Do u know ,if there is an out of hours number I can call, by time I pick lb up from nursery and put him to bedit might be too late to ring on normal hours. Ty

[cookiemama14]

As far as support goes , she not got much, I have offered and will still keep offering, but she not that keen or just not listening to me much. Idk