AIBU shall i call socil services??

[cookiemama14]

Hi I am newbie here, just want some advice about what I do. I know someone who pregnant due in December, she got special needs ,emotional behaviour problems, she is 29 but act like 17yr old, her dog was taken away from her by her family as she was not capable of looking after it, her family are concerned because they say she can't look after her self let alone a baby. I have tried to help give advice and she said "I don't care, I don't want to know". She had a stillborn 3yrs ago and last pregnancy ss was involved, but not this one ,idk why. She was smoking last ,pregnancy and doing with this one, she got type 1 diabetes, autoimmune hepatitis B, I am worried what affect she having on her unborn, and lack capacity to Understand this and to look after baby, but she seems to think she knows everything about babies, when she clearly don't understand, she did not know what swaddling is, even saying she very experienced with many different babies, I know she had 3yr over for two hrs while mother at dentist , she ended up hitting the 3yr old, also her sister don't trust her with ds who is two, when he was new born she let him bang his head and not tell her sister, but sister found out. Do you think I shall call ss , I know if I am posting this in the right bit, but any advice would be much appreciated,Ty.

[ILostItInTheEarlyNineties]

Is it possible to voice your concerns with her family first? You say her mum and sister are aware of her limitations, perhaps a member of the family are planning on taking on her baby? It is a concern if she's not under ante natal care.
I wouldn't tell her you have informed social services, an anonymous call would be enough.

[Passmethecrisps]

Given what you have told us here there is a very strong chance that SS will be aware of the situation. She may be saying she won't let them be involved but she actually has limited choice if she is actually causing harm or likely to do so.

You are doing the best you can at the moment by being close by and offering support even if it falls on deaf ears. When the baby is born you can make your decision on what to do then if SS appear genuinely not to know.

[cookiemama14]

She has midwife, but they are not worried, but I do talk to her family and they do worry.

[CarrotVan]

If she's having a section then she'll be in hospital for a couple of days afterwards and will see a midwife or health visitor every 3-4 days for a couple of weeks afterwards so they will also be able to monitor if she's coping.

Lots of men don't take paternity leave if it reduces their pay to nothing or statutory and they are the main earner. They may not be able to afford it

[Letmehaveausername]

Just to point out, even 17 year olds can make good mothers. I'd have been pretty careless and blasé about other folks kids too before mine.

Maybe she doesn't trust anyone in her family, therefore doesn't want their help. You seem to have no factual evidence on why she is going to need help, none at all. She's never been a parent before and you can't judge her on how she is with other people's children. I don't give a damn about other folks kids but would walk over burning, broken glass for my two

[CarrotVan]

The MW may appear not to be worried but actually making all the referrals. They will want her to carry on with antenatal care so will be very cautious about what they say to her and how they express any concerns in case they scare her off

[cookiemama14]

She saying that they are not, but does this mean she on radar but not doing anything yet.

[Letmehaveausername]

Also, if the midwife isn't worried YABU and really should mind your own business. Midwives and health visitors are fantastic about spotting when someone needs help, and it's possible the midwives and social work etc have already had a safeguarding meeting and decided not to take any action.

[ILostItInTheEarlyNineties]

Yes, call Social Services. They will try to help your friend all they can and will make sure she has the extra support she needs with a baby, possibly awarding sole care to another family member. They won't just immediately whisk her child into care.

[KitKat1985]

If you are worried then yes I'd let social services know, although like other posters have said I suspect she may already be on their radar.

[mrgrouper]

If you call SS you need to be prepared for the worst. I did this regarding a new mum with learning difficulties and her persistently drunk/stoned boyfriend. Seven weeks later the child was gone on an ICO and she has now been adopted.
I still feel very guilty about it. I wanted the new mum to have some support, not her baby taken away.

[CarrotVan]

Nobody can tell you IF Social Services are definitely involved. The most you can do is call Social Services and tell them your concerns and then continue to offer support to your friend.

It's impossible to tell what's going on behind the scenes

[cookiemama14]

I know an 17yr mother, she good friend of mine and she very good mum, other one I am talking about is 29yrs old, u know how some 17 yrs can be impulsive and don't think about what are the consequences of doing and act irresponsible? Yh she that one.

[cookiemama14]

29 going 17yrs

[Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost]

What a stupid bloody reply, Confusion.
This is about a future child possibly at RISK!!!!!!!.
Not about someone's DH shagging the neighbour.
YNBU, OP. I would however imagine like others have said. That she's already on their radar. Nothing wrong with calling yourself though

[cookiemama14]

Letmehavesome, would say that telling to me to mind, her family are asking me to the dirty on her, I want to help her insure that she surrported , I respect.her .that why i just want advice.

[KittiesInsane]

If she's not due for 5 months, there's plenty of time for the father to change his mind about paternity leave, and for her birth plan to change.

Is there some definite reason for CS, because of the earlier stillbirth? Must be very hard on all concerned.

[cookiemama14]

Also I could get in to trouble if something happens, dam if I do dam if I don't.

[blueskyinmarch]

If you are worried just call SS. One quick call then you can know you have passed on your concerns. They will probably check things out with the midwife. It depends what she says on what they will or won't do.

[mrgrouper]

If you phone them they will not pass on your name, however they will pass on the details of the report, so if there is something only you have witnessed, you need to be aware this will be told to her and she may be able to work out who called.

[EveOnline2016]

Was SS concerned last time regarding her SN and behaviour issues.

[cookiemama14]

Letmehavesome not saying that ,I have playdates with 17 yr old mother she is a good mum, but my friend she immature for her age, she still go out every 3 days to go clubbing drinking and smoking and she pregnant t she going to 30yrs old soon

[cookiemama14]

She dont care how much vodka she drinks on her night out. When though she has liver problems and is pregnant .

[CarrotVan]

Cookie - the advice is pretty clear. Call Social Services, make a report.

They won't pass on your name to her although she may be able to work it out.

[cookiemama14]

I know she said she refused talk to them would slam door on ss face, she had stillborn at 36 weeks ,case drop by ss.