To think he shouldn't have been allowed more food?

[FedupofbeingtoldIcantusemyname]

Round at the in laws for dinner with Dss and DP.

Dss refused to eat all his dinner so was told he couldn't have pudding. He made a half hearted attempt to eat more, when told this, but eventually gave up due to being 'too full'.

Was allowed to have pudding anyway as he did attempt to eat more but was told he could not have anything later as he did not finish his dinner.

Come almost bedtime, Dss starts asking for more food. DP told him no as he hadn't eaten all his dinner but he was overuled by DGM who said he couldn't be allowed to go to bed hungry.

Aibu to think she should have gone with what DP said or was she right?

[Schwabischeweihnachtskanne]

Although on the other hand I agree that the grandparents should not have overruled his father! Once one adult with parental level authority has said yes or no, other adults shouldn't over rule them unless its a proper safety issue!

[Muddlingthroughtoo]

It depends, I have a really fussy 8 year old and as long as I have seen she has made an effort to eat then she gets pudding and a shit load of vitamins**
I wouldn't let her go to bed hungry either.

[Hawkmoth]

I like to offer a slice of bread when DS is constantly nagging for food. If he eats it I know he's genuinely hungry and not fishing for sweets!

[WorraLiberty]

Dss seems to have very few rules at his house and no consequences for not doing as he is told as this seems to be an extension of that.

I think it's probably completely separate and should be kept that way.

Eating is a very personal thing and if the people in charge of you make an issue out of it, that alone can kill your appetite stone dead, because the stress alone can be an appetite killer.

His Gran shouldn't have overridden his Dad, but his Dad was wrong imo.

[insan1tyscartching]

You don't have food battles when one side refuses to fight though. If he's regularly offered food he will not starve and so the battle is pointless.It just brings anxiety and bad feeling to the table.

[MangoIsTheNewApple]

I think lots of people find it very hard, emotionally, to let a child go to bed possibly hungry. I know that friends have been very surprised (but polite enough not to argue) when I've done it with my kids. Just as I have been surprised (but polite enough not to say anything) when friends give toast etc to a child who says they're hungry but has refused a meal.

I think it's fine, personally, as it's not like they'll starve in the night. IME, kids don't even eat a particularly large breakfast after refusing supper / tea / dinner / whatever you call your evening meal. But I do think that everyone has to find their own path on that issue, and it will be different for different children.

What isn't OK, IMO, is to over-rule a parent.

[Batteriesallgone]

If he is trying to turn food into a power struggle, why rise to it? Kids try and 'push' adults with all sorts of things don't they - isn't that a 'need' for them, so they can see us modelling adult behaviour? Descending into food power games and saying he has to go to bed hungry as a way of demonstrating the power to control his food intake seems, as well as totally unnecessary, a bit of a failing to just be the adult and see that it doesn't really matter as long as he's fed.

[rookiemere]

He's at his GPs . That's what they do. I got overridden at lunch time when DS was allowed to have another croissant by DGM ( I would have preferred that he had some bread instead). But really it's not that big a deal.

Did your DP seem bothered ?

[Liiinoo]

My DM was very rigid and controlling over food (and everything else) She actually followed through on the 'if you don't eat it now you will have it again for lunch/dinner/tomorrow's breakfast' threat (until my DS sat in front of the same bowl of porridge until the milk went sour). It gave us many hungry days and nights.

I can clearly remember the time we stayed at my GMs home overseas when I was about 7 and she overruled my mum and insisted we shouldn't go to bed hungry. It was a revelation to me - someone cared about how I felt and wanted me to be happy. I am so glad I had that little oasis in my life.
I am not suggesting that the OP and her DP are as bad as my mum was but I am speaking up for a little spoiling by GPs. It won't destroy the child's moral fibre to know that rules can be bent sometime.

[FedupofbeingtoldIcantusemyname]

I'm 99% sure that he didn't dislike the food or was actually full.

He just wanted the pudding without having to eat the dinner which, essentially, is what he got.

I think it's about control TBH. He doesn't want to eat what he is given, he wants something else so he refuses to eat and he knows he won't be forced so he gets what he wants.

Either way it is up to his parents to decide how to handle it I guess.

[PumpkinPies38]

I live by the rule " there's a separate compartment for pudding!" Maybe your DSS does too?

I also prefer to eat little and often. You can feel full after a small meal and two hours later need another snack. Everyone's different.

[CustardOmlet]

I feel the point to this is YANBU to be annoyed with DGM over ruling your DPs parenting decition.

I also have a child who is hit and miss with meal and will tell me he's full if he doesn't like it then ask for treats. This is not allowed as he gets constipated and the only way I can get him to eat veg is with the offer of a pudding. Plus on days when he's gone to bed with very little to eat he doesn't suffer for it.

[Somerville]

Grandparents spoil their grandchildren. It's what happens. It's barely worth noticing, let alone getting stressed about.

[honeylulu]

I have only experience with my own children to draw on but mine will often claim to be "hungry" or even "starving" if they think they might be able to wangle some biscuits, crisps etc. I'm generally not sympathetic if they've just picked at their last meal. They never have to finish it but if I think they're trying it on, they have to wait for the next meal even if the next meal is breakfast. They have never woken in the night roaring with hunger btw.

[FedupofbeingtoldIcantusemyname]

Just out of curiousity, why do people think that pudding should be considered part of the meal? I always thought it was a special treat.

Then again, I very very rarely had pudding as a child, only on special occasions and it would certainly not be considered part of the meal.

[AnecdotalEvidence]

I've never understood the idea of withholding pudding. What's it supposed to achieve?
If a meal consists of a main course and a pudding, then that's what is served.
Why would anyone reward a child for eating?

[AnecdotalEvidence]

Even if pudding is a special treat, why is it only given as a reward for eating most of a main meal?

[insan1tyscartching]

Because pudding is just food and part of the meal. We don't regularly have puddings but that's because I don't often make them. When I do it's not a treat it's just another bit of the meal that they can eat or not if that's what they want to do.

[RabbitSaysWoof]

I don't think children should approach sweet food with an appetite, since the death of clean plate club no one is actually getting any smaller are they?
If anything the obesity problem is becoming evident at younger ages. They get to greet the more calorie dense treats and snacks with more enthusiasm.
That said I've never asked my DC or anyone else's to eat everything on their plate but you can tell when someone eats until they have had enough and when they are taking the piss trying to have pudding instead of dinner.

[DeathStare]

How old is he?

[FedupofbeingtoldIcantusemyname]

Well I can only speak for myself anecdotal but my own Ds is disabled and often needs encouragement to eat certain foods (or any foods on bad days). He would quite happily eat nothing but potatoes all day every day or just eat nothing for days.

I do use pudding as a reward for eating but that is because it is the only thing that motivates him and since his diet is pretty restricted anyway I'm happy to use pudding as a way to get him to eat. It works well for us.