receptionist said i should have sent daughter into school... was i unreasonable?

[user1465932464]

hi, i have signed up to ask about this, so im sorry if i get something wrong. how do i change my username and password? i have got one given to me.

my daughter is 12. she is doing well at school. on friday we went to the doctor as her urine infection wasnt cleaning up. the doctor confirmed it was a urine infection. she was given some antibiotics. told to take for 3 days, things still arent fully cleared up so she is taking for a further 4 days, which was advised and then anytime longer i should take her back.

i was driving her to school and we stopped off at a local shop. she came in but was complaining of pain and needing to go to the toilet. it was so bad she had to go back to the car. she needed the toilet every 5 mins, even if it wasnt to pee, like a normal infection really and was saying it was painful, so i advised that she stay off as it was just going to be far too difficult for her to be at school with it. she then sat in the bath for about 3 hours which helped. i had already left a voicemail on the school phone saying she wont be going in but i got a call from the receptionist to clarify why she isnt in, i said she is on antibiotics for a urine infection and that its best that she is off as the symptoms are still bad. she told me to wait a minute, so i did. she then told me that she still should have come in as the school nurse could have given her a toilet pass, if she had a note from the doctor explaining why. i said that there were other symptoms that just that which meant it was just best she stay off but that she will catch up on work. she asked what the further symptoms were, which i said that they were a bit too personal really and that it doesnt really matter. she said it does as she needs to judge if its an unauthorised abscence or if its sickness... i said that she can decide what she would like and i basically ended the conversation there. it will go down as unauthorised. am i being the mad one here???

[WyfOfBathe]

Relating to the comments as to schools not thinking period pains are a good enough excuse to stay off, the "welfare officer" at the school I teach at has a policy that she will never send girls home with period-related pains.

A couple of weeks ago I had a girl in my class doubled over in pain and white as a sheet. She'd already gone to the WO, thrown up in the toilet off the medical room, and been told her to go back to class . I promptly marched her back to the WO and declared that she must be sent home... so the female WO started telling me how cramps are "perfectly normal" and "no excuse" . I had a few sharp words and the girl was finally sent home.

A welfare officer is, I presume, more qualified than a receptionist but I don't see why either of them should declare that a child is not ill enough when they obviously are.

[TaliZorahVasNormandy]

I had a uti couple of years ago, had antibiotics, got thrush then ended up with vulval ezcema for 8 months. It was shit.

[CoolCarrie]

Hot water bottle at small of her back and cranberry juice will help. Poor lass, i hope she is feeling better soon
. My god, that receptionist sounds like a right nosy cow. You should have a word with headteacher.

[Girliefriendlikesflowers]

Yanbu the receptionist clearly was!

I have had a UTI a couple of times and it is so painful, dd has also had one and was peeing almost constantly

Hope your dd feels better soon.

[NeverbuytheDailyMail]

FFS! Even if the receptionist is a bona fide brain surgeon - your daughter has a right to privacy. You are perfectly within your rights to say "Following a doctors appointment, I have made the decision that my daughter is too unwell to attend school today. I will write a letter to the head/class teacher with a full explanation which my daughter will bring upon her return".

[NeverbuytheDailyMail]

In saying that - our receptionists like to ask what's wrong with the kids just so that they can remind the parents that if they have vomited or have diarrhoea not to bring them back for three days - which is fair nuff!!!

[Woolyheads]

Even as an adult at work I asked GP For a sick note authorising my essential absence to avoid a discipline for genuine illness and was refused as 'you can self certify for 5 days and the law protects you that way'. Surely then the same or more applies to 12 year olds!

[youarenotkiddingme]

Yanbu. She isn't medically trained and can't make a decision if an illness is bad enough to need absense or not. Your DD is on antibiotics for a diagnosed infection. That's all the information they need to know it's genuine illness.

As an aside I'm starting to feel sorry for receptionists in the public sector. I've often been astounded at my doctor receptionist wanting details to decide if it's an emergency or I can keep ringing at 8am everyday to be told no appointments I need to make advanced appointment for 2017 a few weeks.
Now school receptionists are having to make medical decisions too.

I suspect it's more to do with pressures from above and bloody targets than them coming together from all over the nation to declare themselves the medical gods!

[youarenotkiddingme]

Can I also add as a first aider the training now purely consists of "stop bleeding" (patient should hold own pad etc), cpr, recognising and immediate treatment of conditions such as asthma attack. And call 999!

[RortyCrankle]

I don't have children, nor do I know anything about schools but I think that the receptionist was completely out of order.

I would write to the Head Teacher to complain, saying when you call the school in future if your DD is ill and has been to the GP, you do not expect to be given the third degree by the receptionist. She is your child and you will make appropriate decisions for her.

[3littlefrogs]

First aiders are NOT trained to do anything more than give basic first aid and summon appropriate qualified assistance.

I used to train, and examine, first aiders. One of the most important qualities in a good first aider is to be aware of what they don't know and what they cannot do.

The most dangerous kind of person - especially one in a position of even a little authority - is one who doesn't know what they don't know (IYSWIM) and who takes too much responsibility/gives incorrect advice.

A little knowledge is indeed a dangerous thing.

[EweAreHere]

I would have asked the Receptionist, politely of course, where she received her Nursing or Medical degree. And repeated the question if she tried to dodge it with huffiness.

[katand2kits]

I would write a strongly worded letter. One day, her overestimation of her medical knowledge could have serious or tragic consquences.

[SuburbanRhonda]

I have to say, while it seems that the receptionist overstepped her role, calling her a bitch, a cow and Hitler seems something of an over-reaction from several posters

[comfortblankie]

Lots of good advice upthread, your poor DD!

I suffered UTIs during my first 'busy season' in work- was very embarrassed the first time to be constantly up and down to the loo but I felt that I needed to be there. This backfired a few weeks later when the UTI worsened and I was up to vom every few minutes before hurriedly making my excuses and running home! my (male) managers were very understanding when I phoned in sick for the next 2 days so all my worrying was for nothing.

A lovely pharmacist recommended Optibac, a probiotic supplement to protect against future infections - it's expensive but definitely worth it. Biokult also works

[snowy508601]

In future I would not reveal the nature of your DC's illness.'She is unwell and won't be in school today', is what I tell them That is all they need to know. Your child's medical history is confidential unless it is something which would affect her in school!
And a toilet pass!! WTF?? surely it is their human right to go to the toilet when they need to? I don't think the parents at my DC's school would accept them needing a pass to go!

[sallyjane40]

It's worth generally keeping an eye on the number of absences the school thinks your child has had, if you get to see it - my kids secondary put it on end of term reports and progress checks. My DC had a LOT of absences recorded one term (I never used to look at the figure, so hadn't noticed), then they asked me to explain where he had been and provided a list of the dates; I was able to tell them which school trips they had taken him on for all but the ones where he had been ill, and I had rung in! Apparently they don't bother to check if THEY have sent the child on an outing - they didn't even seem surprised and just noted down the corrections. So it's possible the school thinks your daughter has been off ill a lot more than you do, and is (wrongly) trying to clamp down.

Not that this would excuse a receptionist asking so many intimate questions - I'd expect them to get someone with a medical background to call you and ask very politely whether you would be prepared to provide more information.

[Spudina]

YANBU. Cystitis is agonising....I used to get it all the time, and eventually had surgery just to be rid of it. As well as the pain, they can make you feel sick and shivery. If you are going to the loo that often, you need to at home. In reality, it would have been more disruptive to the class to have your daughter go out so many times, and potentially embarrassing for her too (I know I was mortified the first time it happened to me at 16). The receptionist is way out of line. I found cranberry capsules helped, and simple paracetamol or Ibuprofen will help with the pain.

[robin64]

A letter from GP can be charged for. I had to pay for one for my DD as she had 2 weeks off with glandular fever and one tutor at college said some nasty things to her which after how ill DD had been was infuriating. GP actually thought DD had done well to only have 2 weeks off.

As for the receptionist -None of her beeswax what is wrong with your DD. She is unwell and will return to school when fit to. You were totally right to keep her home. It can be very painful. Hope she feels better soon.

[mathanxiety]

Obviously the receptionist is in no position to decide how serious your DD's condition is. What a bizarre way to run a school.

However, I think you could have been more upfront about your DD's problem - having the urge to pee every five minutes, with accompanying severe pain isn't really all that 'personal'. The way you expressed it, it may have sounded as if the course of ABs was the issue. The receptionist may have stopped listening after you mentioned the ABs and may have thought taking medication is no reason to be off school.

Either upfront or just say she is too ill to attend, and if they want a good reason then you contact the doctor for a note.

(THey do bathroom passes at both of the schools my DCs have attended - you can't be found in the bathroom or in the hallways without a pass).

[robin64]

BTW I would not be happy for that to go on record as unauthorised absence and would be making appointment with a senior member of staff at the school.

[mathanxiety]

NeverBuy - same here for primary, and in secondary they keep a tab on reasons too, though without the reminder about D&V.

[plannedshock]

As a long term sufferer of cystitis and just getting over my most recent bout, you are the best mum ever! All I want to do is sit in the bath drink a billion gallons of water, wee and wince! She can't do that at school. Receptionist is being a dick.