Kits, this is what you said:
My mum was a SENCo in a school for several years, and also a class teacher and a head teacher in her time. She met the parents of several adopted children over her career and it always saddened her whenever the parent of an adopted child who wasn't doing well academically would have to point out they were the child's adoptive parent. As if to say they couldn't possibly be their biological child or they would be doing much better. One of her all time favourite parents was the mother of a little boy who was quite behind at school who never mentioned he was adopted. My mum knew as it was on his records but the mother of the boy never said it.
My mum has said that over the years when out and about she has got chatting with a few parents of children with down syndrome and these perfect strangers have all felt it necessary to tell her their child is adopted as if to say they themselves could not have produced a child with down syndrome. My mum always feels sad they feel the need to tell her.
You are stating that your mother, a SENCO, class teacher and Head, appears to have believed that every time the parents of a child who was struggling brought to her attention the fact that their child was adopted, they were attempting to distance themselves from the 'shortcomings' of their child, rather than to draw her attention to the fact that their child might have specific needs related to early experiences.
You then make an explicit correlation with the 'fact' that apparently your mother also encountered multiple parents of adopted children with Down's Syndrome who have also made a point of telling her, a total stranger, that their children were adopted in order, she believes, to distance themselves from the assumption they had given birth to a child with special needs. This, frankly, I find difficult to believe.
In either case, our mother sounds as though she has serious issues of her own surrounding adoption, and has allowed it to cloud her judgement in extremely unpleasant ways which potentially made the lives of the adopted children she dealt with professionally much more difficult.
Sorry, I'm not buying the claim that she 'helped' parents understand their own adopted children's difficulties at the same time as she was busy placing the most ignorant possible interpretation of their attempts to flag up the possible adoption-related educational needs of their children.