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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU about DD at baby ballet?

130 replies

justnotaballetmum · 03/06/2016 13:49

DD goes to baby ballet. She concentrates for the first part of the session but then loses focus, wanders off and just dances (after a fashion) by herself. She's not in anyone's way and she's happy (likes the mirrors.)

One of the mums commented to me in quite a pointed manner last week and I'm a bit about going back now!

AIBU to think she's fine?

OP posts:

wheresthel1ght · 03/06/2016 15:42

The other mum was being a cow but it does seem like the class is a bit too advanced for her attention span. Do they do a younger class that she might be better suited to?

Dd is a bit older than yours (2.10) but has done ballet for about 8 weeks and adores it - she is the youngest in her class and her attention span is ok for it but there is an older kid who refuses to join in, causes all sites of issues and basically takes up all the teaching assistants time in getting her not to disrupt the others. As long as your dd isn't like that child then she is probably fine although it is really annoying to pay for a class that is so horrendously disrupted. However in the case at my dd's class I do blame the parents for sending her to class with a bag of toys as she is far more interested in playing than the class.

I never forced dd into ballet, it's not something I ever had an interest in but she was playing with her older cousin who has done it since age 3 and showed her some ballet moves. Dd spent weeks harping on about doing ballet! So info totally get the part about her doing something she enjoys!

whyayepetal · 03/06/2016 16:33

OP - if your dd and her teacher are happy and you can see that dd is enjoying the class, why stop because of some judgey mother? Sounds like you are already working well with the teacher, so I'm sure she would be honest with you if there was a problem from her perspective.

At this age, most good teachers are focussing on building good relationships with the children and their parents before the children move on to classes without parents present, and eventually more formal classes that you would walk in to and think - "ah - this is ballet!"

Carry on OP - you are doing fine

Janecc · 03/06/2016 16:37

At dds ballet show there was one of the little girls in the baby ballet class, who did her own thing for every single dance. It was so cute. I really shouldn't worry about it. She's a competitive mum or a mean mum. If the teacher is fine with it, then all is ok. I'm sure she would talk to you if she were concerned.

Hockeydude · 03/06/2016 16:45

The teacher would say if it's a problem. When my dd did ballet a mum was told to not bring their kid amymore for this reason.

WindPowerRanger · 03/06/2016 16:53

In my experience, this happens a lot at all ages. DS' karate group has a back row that gets pretty ragged and chatty by the end of the class, and they're the adults!

She likes the class and the teacher likes her, so all is fine.

katemiddletonsnudeheels · 03/06/2016 16:56

I don't think there is anything wrong with a toddler messing around a bit as long as it's harming no one, but doesn't your view count for as much as your DHs? If you think she's too young can't you say so and revisit ballet in twelve months?

MiaowTheCat · 03/06/2016 17:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Costacoffeeplease · 03/06/2016 17:11

I am about you taking her because your husband wants her to go but won't take her! That is awful!

Me too, what a dick

Tanito279 · 03/06/2016 17:18

Are you another mum at my daughters class? You've just described her behaviour to a T. But she loves it and talks about it all week so I'm not going to stop taking her.
How is she going to learn to behave in a class situation if she's at home?

TormundGiantsbabe · 03/06/2016 17:23

I took my tazmanian devil son to Baby Ballet once. Just once was enough for a lifetime of flashbacks though.

He got on much better at Tumble Tots, much more freedom, far less pressure. Maybe that would be better for your daughter?

Witchend · 03/06/2016 17:38

There are two issues with allowing your dd to wander round.
One is other parents having to say to their dc "yes, I know she doesn't do it, but you need to do it." If other dc join her in wandering round the class can very quickly, even with an experienced and wonderful teacher, descend into no one doing it and chaos. I've changed classes before now because of a child doing their own sweet thing and it just getting stressful having to say to mine week after week "yes, she doesn't do it, but you are capable of doing it and there's no point going if all you want to do is pull silly faces in the mirror" when they'd loved doing it and had no problems doing it before said child joined.

Other issue is she's little and cute now and it's no problem. However you're saying there's a couple of younger ones who do join in. So at what point does she magically become old enough that she can't do that? I can assure you that you'll never look at her and suddenly think "actually she's old enough now." And if you do she'll probably hate it because she will be used to her way by then.
Ime that more often than not children who are allowed to do that at 2yo, are still doing it well after the age where if they'd started then you would have expected her to join in totally. Often with patents hissing instructions from the side.

I'd take her out. The teacher will only ask you yo remove her if it gets extreme because not only will she lose your fees, but you may also pass round that she was unwelcoming to little ones and she'll lose custom. This is true even if you ask her directly and want her to be honest.

SilverDragonfly1 · 03/06/2016 18:03

Can you not just take her home when she loses focus, or maybe let her run around in a corridor outside for a few minutes then go back in? Whichever is least likely to upset her.

Iguessyourestuckwithme · 03/06/2016 18:07

I am a nanny. DC 2 goes to music class. When it's just me and her, she sits and engages for the full 45 minutes HOWEVER when her Mum is there she gets bored, wanders off, doesn't really listen etc. I have strong expectations of what she's meant to be doing as it's a paid class and I know that she can and does behave. Do you notice when she's getting bored/antsy and get her to refocus or does she suddenly get up and you leave her to it. It is distracting when other toddlers are allowed to pull the curtains, have a snack, wander around when your toddler is being asked to sit and behave

MadamDeathstare · 03/06/2016 18:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PirateFairy45 · 03/06/2016 18:32

This is why I didn't take my DD for a second lesson.

It was the teacher who commented on lack of focus. She was 18months.

Catmuffin · 03/06/2016 18:39

Other Mum commented that she'd watched her in BB and "she doesn't do as she's told, does she?

Could you get in first next time with the other mum and say "Oh dear, your dd's a bit docile isn't she. Hopefully she'll develop more of a personality as she grows older."

Ifiwasabadger · 03/06/2016 18:51

Of course the teacher loves her, you pay her wages. I did ballet all through my childhood, but 2 is far too young.

YABU.

Original poster

justnotaballetmum · 03/06/2016 19:02

Thanks for answers. I don't think dh would take her, he isn't great with toddlers!

OP posts:

FoggyBottom · 03/06/2016 19:04

If she's enjoying herself & her teacher is nice, then keep going. Serious training in dance, especially ballet, doesn't start till children are around 8 or 9 (all this "I've been dancing since I was three" is rubbish).

apivita · 03/06/2016 19:12

I would ask the teacher for their honest opinion. My children have v good public faces and behave impeccably in classes and outside (at home it's a totally different story!!).

Dd who is 5 had a ballet classmate who was really off in her own world. Her mother tried for a year and she made it to the ballet show. The video is hilarious with the kid (she was 4, my dd was maybe 3.5) just doing her own moves. There were teachers on stage as well.

The mother admitted defeat and she no longer does ballet.

Original poster

justnotaballetmum · 03/06/2016 19:17

I'm not sure, really - perhaps I should ask DH if we can take her out. I definitely don't want her being a problem behaviour-wise.

OP posts:

starry0ne · 03/06/2016 19:20

I think that 2 is far too young for baby Ballet..Don't all 2 year olds want to plan to spin and twirl around like a ballerina.

2 year olds need rules but lots of directions how to dance.

The people running baby ballet are making money entertaining kids not training ballerinas of the future.

BoGrainger · 03/06/2016 19:22

Why do you have to ASK him? If you want to do it, do it. If dp wanted the dds to do something , he would take them. It would never occur to him to get me to do it! Your dh wants her to do an early Saturday ballet class, then he takes her! Sod that.

Original poster

justnotaballetmum · 03/06/2016 19:42

Because he paid for it

OP posts:

Costacoffeeplease · 03/06/2016 19:51

HE wants her to go and HE pays for it, so he takes her

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