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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To say no to daughters opportunity

63 replies

LittleReindeerwithcloggson · 31/05/2016 23:47

I have a 7 year old DD who is very sporty. She has already completed the 7 main swimming stages and is on level 9. There was a talent scout from a local swim club (very very successful ) at their lesson last week and I received an email today inviting her to train with their performance squad so she can compete when she's 8.
BUT - she doesn't want to. She enjoys swimming but really only does it because I say she has to go weekly (I can hardly swim myself and want better for both my children) She's also not 8 until next year. The main concern is that she will have to train 4 times a week and - due to the times - will have to give up Brownies and gymnastics. She also has a pony that she rides evenings and weekends and will have to cut back on that. She doesn't want to give up the things she loves.
AIBU to agree that she needn't take this swimming opportunity? She is so young and I would rather she had enjoyment and fun in her activities. Or am I ruining chances of her progressing a long way in the future by turning this down and will she resent me later??

OP posts:

MadisonMontgomery · 01/06/2016 10:45

I did competitive swimming when I didn't want to. It was grim, and tbh I haven't swum for years now as it just sucked all the fun out of it.

Ameliablue · 01/06/2016 10:49

Coming from a swimming mum, there's no point if she doesn't want to. Also she may change her mind but is young enough to pick it up again later if she does.

heron98 · 01/06/2016 10:51

I have a friend who swam competitively throughout her childhood and teens.

Her brother almost made the Olympics (but didn't) and she came nowhere near.

She now, at 35, says she thinks she missed out on so much because of swimming when she realistically had no chance of making a career out of it.

Her brother, who was an even better swimmer, now works in Asda.

DumbDailyMail · 01/06/2016 10:52

The main concern is that she will have to train 4 times a week

No, the main concern is that she doesn't want to.

This is a no brainer. She sounds like she already does an awful lot.

alltouchedout · 01/06/2016 10:57

I can only imagine the sort of parent who would make their child do this, and I really would not want to know them.

She does not want to do it. She'd have to give up activities she does want to do. It would disrupt family life (so very very much, more and more as time passed). She's seven. Why in earth would anyone say "yes, sounds like a good idea?"

wannabehippyandcrazycatlover · 01/06/2016 10:58

I used to swim competitively and I loved it. The training was brutal though, I trained 6 times a week, including mornings and then competing all weekend. It's a big commitment.

I would speak to her about her talent and that she could do well. If she doesn't want to then don't.

She can always pick it up later on if she's talented and the club really want her to tRain.

EponasWildDaughter · 01/06/2016 11:04

DD3 is a fantastic dancer. She was doing ballet, tap and modern from the age of 3 as she saw her older sisters doing it and adored it all. She was better than her sisters, she excelled at it and flew through all her exams with top grades and was the apple of the eyes of the teachers.

Fast forward to age 9 and she announces she couldn't be arsed with it all any more. (not in those words but you know what i mean). So i told her teachers she was giving up and they were horrified. Asked me to get her to reconsider, asked her themselves, ect. Nope - she'd just had enough.

A year later she says she misses it all and wants to go back. Teachers all totally delighted; bend over backwards getting her into appropriate classes, ect. She does it for another year, flies through another set of exams ... and leaves again!

Embarrassing for me, more hand wringing from the teachers. One of them seemed to think i should be forcing her to carry on. God knows how? She wanted to have a lie in in the mornings at the weekends and see her mates more often after school. What can you do? There's no point in forcing a child to do anything.

Micah · 01/06/2016 11:14

She's 7 and they want 4 times a week?

Swimming is not an "early start"'sport. She has plenty of time, keep her in it, and if she changes her mind later it won't affect her goals in the sport.

Look up asa long term athlete development. They prefer lots of different activities, focussing on swimming later on.

When you say the club is very successful, do they take them from 8 all the way to 16+? Or do the younger ones burn out about 12 and older ones transfer in from other clubs? Success isn't always what it seems...

DumbDailyMail · 01/06/2016 11:40

One of my DCs was national level at chess when he was young and had an offer to be mentored by one of the top players in the country who presumably thought my DC had potential. We had a meeting where the guy explained how much my DC would have to practice - well, it was a short meeting. DC thanked the guy and said it wasn't for him. He wanted to stick to spending his time playing sport even though he is decidedly average at sport. I backed my son 100% with his decision.

Janecc · 01/06/2016 11:45

She is still young, there will undoubtedly be another chance to join the club 2/3 yrs along.

Dh wanted to be a Pro footballer but gave up intensive training around 12/13 to hang with friends and importantly, girls. At this stage, I think his parents should have helped him to follow his dream as they didn't even try and stop him from dropping out - he still really loves football. Pushing a child to do what they don't want to do is of course wrong.

FreshHorizons · 01/06/2016 11:53

There is nothing to discuss - she doesn't want to do it.

Original poster

LittleReindeerwithcloggson · 01/06/2016 20:31

Thanks everyone for your help.
I agree with all of your opinions and shouldn't have questioned myself. However I was just having a big wobble as to whether I was ruining her future! (DH said he'd leave the decision to me)
I have emailed to say thanks but no thanks. Good advice not to mention it any more to her so I won't!

OP posts:

AgeingArtemis · 03/06/2016 12:18

I was an excellent golfer as a child, but I found it so terribly DULL. I'm really glad my parents never pushed me into continuing, even though I think my dad was pretty disappointed (he loves golf)

Whilst occasionally I do think about how I could maybe be living in a big house in America, making a living off playing golf in the sunshine, realistically the chances of getting there are slim. As it happens I'm training for my dream job, I have a wide range of hobbies (more exciting sports like ice hockey and rock climbing- I still think golf is boring!) and I am very happy. I have absolutely no regrets.

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