To say no to daughters opportunity

[LittleReindeerwithcloggson]

I have a 7 year old DD who is very sporty. She has already completed the 7 main swimming stages and is on level 9. There was a talent scout from a local swim club (very very successful ) at their lesson last week and I received an email today inviting her to train with their performance squad so she can compete when she's 8.
BUT - she doesn't want to. She enjoys swimming but really only does it because I say she has to go weekly (I can hardly swim myself and want better for both my children) She's also not 8 until next year. The main concern is that she will have to train 4 times a week and - due to the times - will have to give up Brownies and gymnastics. She also has a pony that she rides evenings and weekends and will have to cut back on that. She doesn't want to give up the things she loves.
AIBU to agree that she needn't take this swimming opportunity? She is so young and I would rather she had enjoyment and fun in her activities. Or am I ruining chances of her progressing a long way in the future by turning this down and will she resent me later??

[mnistooaddictive]

My dd started training for elite sport at 8. It is a sport she is absolutely passionate about and is something she would happily do all the time. BUT there are times she just wants a break, and does miss out on lots of other stuff. She had to give up brownies and swimming to do it, although she was happy to do this. It is a huge commitment for our family in terms of time and money and travel for competitions. It takes over all our lives including my other dd at some points of the year. She is now 9 and doing really well in national competitions but does this matter at such a young age? Every few months I ask her if she wants to continue, and she always does so we continue to support her. We always said we would do everything we reasonably could to support her if she wants to do it. You can't do that to a child though that doesn't really want it.

[BikeRunSki]

I have a 7 year old and I can't imagine him being so good at anything to be scouted, so I understand that element of wanting to take the opportunity. Having said that, I also have a friend whose DD (17) is a competitive swimmer, who is part of the team GB team going to Rio. In their case the hard work is beginning to pay off - not just in terms of medals/glory but sponsorship too (Several £k a year from Speedo, weekly vouchers from Aldi). But - it's a massive commitment- she trains before and after school 5 days a week and at the weekend. Also in the school gym at lunchtimes. She took many of her gcse (and now AS) level exams in hotel rooms around the world whilst at competitions (often without her parents). She rarely goes out with friends or to eat. But - she loves it and is incredibly driven. Everything has been driven by her. She was first scouted at 7, and her parents had the same reservations as you. She was scouted again at 9, and went straight into competition. Parents have made big changes to their jobs etc to accommodate this, and their other 2 Dc.

Based on watching this family, I'd be inclined to explain the level of commitment to your DD and see what she says. If she doesn't want to make the sacrifices required, I wouldn't push it. I'd just appreciate my bed at 4am!

[grannytomine]

One of my sons had a similar opportunity at 7. We gave it a try, the second session he got out of the pool at the end of the session and looked at the coach and said, "I love swimming but you spoil it." We never went back.

[HeteronormativeHaybales]

No way should you be making a 7yo undertake a regime like this, giving up other things she loves, if she doesn't want it herself (and tbh even if she was desperate to do it I would be cautious).

I made my kids, at similar ages, carry on with music lessons, so they could reap the benefits later on. But that's one music lesson a week plus a short daily practice session. I certainly wouldn't have pushed them into hours of practice and competitions (had they proved prodigies, which they haven't, perhaps fortunately).

[EponasWildDaughter]

7 is very young. Serious competitive training in any sport is a huge commitment.

If she is still fantastic at swimming in a few years and wants to take it further you can all think again.

[EponasWildDaughter]

Just wanted to add: when my DH was in his early teens he was talent scouted for running for his County. He was very keen on his athletics and desperately wanted to do it - however his parents wouldn't do the driving after school to get him to the sports club. He couldn't manage the journey on public transport by himself so the opportunity was lost.

The above is the sort of situation where you might be being unreasonable as a parent OP, but in your case your DD doesn't even want to do it, so YANBU.

[branofthemist]

If she doesn't want to do it, don't do it. She won't be missing out on anything. What good would come of forcing her to do something she doesn't want to do, while dropping things she does want to do.

You have made the right decision.

My Dd is excellent in her chosen sport and her leaders want her to compete. She doesn't want to. She trains 2/3 times a week. Competes in house and when other clubs join us.

She would be excellent in competition. I compete in the same sport. She doesn't want to, that's fine.

[Twowrongsdontmakearight]

Is she your only DC. Having seen county and national level sportspeople in the extended family, I feel sorry for the other DC. Everyone has to be equally obsessed to work around sporting commitments. Think about the impact on the whole family.

[GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER]

We had the same. Dd was an excellent swimmer and the local club wanted her to train several times a week for competitions, She didn't want to, because it would turn into a chore rather than something she enjoyed, and it would leave so little time for anything else. She never had any regrets, and still loves the water, whether pool, sea or lake.

[SparklesandBangs]

I think your instincts are correct OP, it is not what your DD wants and her current life sounds much more balanced. To devote that much time to one hobby you have to be seriously dedicated and even then the chance of making the big time is slim.

My DD took matters into her own hands and went from an excellent swimmer to looking like a beginner when her teacher invited the local swim coach to view her class.

[blitheringbuzzards1234]

It's a big sacrifice and she said that she doesn't want to do it, so I see no point in forcing her. She may resent being forced, especially if she has to give up other things which she enjoys. If she really is that brilliant at swimming I'm sure she could catch up a little later if that's her desire.

[ricketytickety]

To excel at something you have to really love it first of all. No passion, no excellence.

[Hulababy]

If she doesn't want to do t then don't make her.

It's far better imo for her to enjoy doing a variety of activities and not just focusing on one, especially at this age.

The likelihood of her making swimming her career is minimal especially when she isn't that interested anyway. So why have her do it 4/5 times a week. And as she gets older that training will get worse!

[BikeRunSki]

I like the sound of granny's dS!

[grannytomine]

BikeRunSki, I can laugh now but I was a bit embarrassed at the time. He was right though, it was a joyless experience.

[APlaceOnTheCouch]

YANBU - even if she was begging to do it, I'd still be weighing up the amount of pressure it would put on her at such a young age. But luckily she doesn't want to do it so I would graciously decline.

If she decides to focus when she is older then she can but atm she seems to have an excellent mix of activities and seems to be enjoying them. I wouldn't spoil that.

[FlyingElbows]

There's a big difference between doing a sport for leisure and doing it at a serious competitive level. The worst I've seen was a pre-teen boy who took up doing himself intentional physical harm rather than ride competitively. His entire life was spent riding ponies and being dragged to shows he didn't want to go to. He wasn't allowed to participate in school sports teams or other activities he wanted to do. He had four ponies of his own and when his mother bought a horse to add to the regime he started throwing himself off on purpose. They've got to really really want to do it and the whole family has to be on board. If your dd doesn't want to do it then I think you've got your answer.

[FreshHorizons]

I can't even see why you are thinking about it- she doesn't want to do it- the end.
Well done to your son grannytomine - you wish that more children were as wise and confident to stand up for themselves.

[80Kgirl]

I'd say no.

My DD showed a talent for dance. Her teacher wanted her to devote 14 hours a week to it at 7! We let her quit. Instead, she did brownies, swimming, and a bit of "drama." She later went on to play the violin, cricket, captain the netball team and row. I think it is best to let them be well rounded unless they have a self-driven passion for something. Childhood and youth is a time for trying things out and exploring options before the road begins to narrow on you. Narrowing her choices so much at 7 seems very unfair, unless she wants it.

[nannybeach]

Sounds like, for a 7 year old she has a huge amount of activities, if she doesnt want to swim, you cannot force her

[Onlyicanclean10]

Oh no any outside school activities should be done for fun and enjoyable. No point otherwise.

[shovetheholly]

Let her do what she loves! I think at her age, breadth of interest and skills is way more important than being amazing at one thing in terms of long-term happiness.

[GiddyOnZackHunt]

I think 7 is too young for committing to that level of training. She can plainly swim very well already so that's the life skill box ticked. She can reconsider in a few years but at this age she's surely better off doing a variety of enjoyable hobbies.
If she was obsessed and desperate it would be a trickier decision

[DoinItFine]

No way.

It's too much to ask a 7 year old to commit to and she sounds like a sensible girl wanting to keep up with her Brownies and her pony.

[scampimom]

You need talent AND desire to make it in the competitive arenas. What's wrong with doing stuff for fun? And who knows, maybe she'll find her talent and her passion in something else that she will now be free to explore?