Over Christmas?

[Fpmd1710]

Ex DP said today that he wants DS on Christmas day and I can have him Boxing Day. I told him that would not be happening, I explained he would get the same offerings he got last year, which was to have DS Christmas Eve until 6pm and then he could pick DS up from 2pm onwards Christmas Day and keep him overnight and have him all of Boxing Day. I also said he was welcome to drive up in the morning to watch DS open presents. He chose not to come up in the morning due to too much faffing about (completely agree but I wanted to let him at least have the option), he also chose not to pick DS up Christmas afternoon because he wanted a drink (that was fine, again I just wanted to give him the choice), so he ended up having him from Boxing Day morning until the following morning. This year he is insisting he will pick DS up Christmas Eve morning to avoid traffic later in the day and then have him until Boxing Day.

My DM tells me I'm being a bit of a bitch, but I can't see how. The ex is supposed to have DS every week as it is but he cancels or changes plans constantly as and when it suits, that I don't think he should be able to dictate a day that has always been a big deal to me, even before I had DS.

AIBU in saying no to him and offering him the same times as I did last year?

[bibbitybobbityyhat]

Oh God, argh, apart from the fact that it is seven fucking months until Christmas, I hate the way this little boy's Christmas is discussed in this op.

OP, you clearly loathe your ex and you might have good reason for doing so. But you are playing a pretty low game here.

[SquinkiesRule]

Taking him Christmas eve morning until boxing day is hardly fair.
Sounds like he wants to drink both days and then give Ds back before the drinking starts on boxing day.
One gets Christmas eve and Christmas morning and one gets Christmas day from lunchtime and all Boxing day. He can't have it all.
It does need to alternate though. And he'd have to refrain from drinking to either pick up or drip off, or however you transport Ds.

[LunaLoveg00d]

You do realise it's May, don't you?

I do think it's very unfair for resident parents to refuse to let the other parent ever have Christmas morning.

[Sallygoroundthemoon]

YABU. He is also his parent. Plus...seriously, it's May!

[BackforGood]

YABU.
Your dc has 2 parents, both of whom want their child with them on Christmas Day. It is fair if you take turns.

[StrawberrytallCake]

Sorry ExtraHot you're right - that was shit advice to ask ds from me.

I think YANBU though just because he constantly lets your ds down and cancels.

[Keely93]

My daughter had Christmas with her dad(my ex)last Christmas because I had her Christmas the year before, it broke my heart but she's his daughter too...

[bibbitybobbityyhat]

Why are you arguing about this already op? Too much drama!!

And "get on the social"? where do you live?

Also you have "full parental responsibility" but ex has him every weekend?

I hope your son isn't aware of the hatred between you.

[Oooblimey]

So you feel he's unreasonable for wanting some weekends to himself to socialise but you work weekends so he has DS (or you expect him to have DS) every weekend? I have to say that I don't think he is being unreasonable wanting a few weekends to himself, I assume that your days off are midweek when DS is at school so you get time to yourself then? Why don't you each do something like Wednesday to Wednesday and during your respective weeks it's your responsiblity to sort out child care.
I also do think that you should take it in turns having christmas mornings.
I know it's tough but he's the parent too and should have as much rights
as you to make decisions.

[starry0ne]

I see this equality for NRP banded about a lot..When 2 parents make a commitment and support a child yes they are entitled to share Christmas..

When you constantly let child down over and over again and chose to drink rather than collect your child when you have time no it isn't equal and in your circumstances I wouldn't ...However that is what I feel morally courts tend to share xmas no matter what commitment NRP makes.

[ExtraHotLatteToGo]

Jesus wept.

I can't believe what I'm reading! Have you not read the OP's posts at all?

Last year he chose to DRINK rather than see his son. His son is pre school age and he wants the op to work Monday to Friday so he doesn't have to look after his son on the weekends EHEN SHE WORKS, so he can drink with his mates. He doesn't have his son when he can - he prefers to drink

Why the fuck should the OP hand over her pre school child to this numb nuts because he shares DNA but fuck all else with her son!?

[Purplepicnic]

He chose not to come up in the morning due to too much faffing about (completely agree but I wanted to let him at least have the option), he also chose not to pick DS up Christmas afternoon because he wanted a drink (that was fine, again I just wanted to give him the choice)

There's a lot of people taking offence at him choosing to drink last year but the OP doesn't seem to have a problem with it.

Messing around the rest of the year is a different matter.

[ExtraHotLatteToGo]

ooohblimey.

Her son isn't even at school yet.

[bibbitybobbityyhat]

You are posting like a loon ExtraHot. Sorry, but if there's any kind of serious message in there you are doing a very good job of detracting from it.

[NoCapes]

JeremyCorbyn wtf?!

Have a - and yes I baked it myself!

[wonderingsoul]

Hang on people.... this dad diesnt bither with him most if the year.... why should the chuld have to spend their christmas with some one who cant be assed with him the other days of the year.

Why should she miss out on the special day when she is doing 90 percent if the parenting all yeat round.

Ynbu op.

[CauliflowerBalti]

Me and my ex are divorced, we have a son, he spends every christmas with me and has done since the split 5 years ago. It wasn't something I was willing to negotiate on. Having half the Christmases would happen if he had half the shitty stuff too - half the homework, half the tantrums, half the school runs, half the disciplining. He doesn't. He sees his son one night in 14 (his choice - the original agreement was lots more but he never upheld it). I might - might, mind you - therefore grant him one Christmas in 14.

I am probably BU, but I don't really care. I feel very strongly that Christmas is about traditions and being at home. The rituals, the comfort. This is my son's home. We do Christmas here.

He wouldn't want to go to his Dad's anyway, so the point is moot.

I think you are perfectly reasonable.

[Janeymoo50]

I'm with JeremyCorbyn, we see the same posts every year (albeit not usually in May).

[ExtraHotLatteToGo]

jc. It has NOTHING to do with it being the mother and EVERYTHING to do with the parent actually doing the parenting. IE the one looking after her son not the one choosing to drink instead.

[nonladyofleisure]

Did you have a child with my ex??

I believe both parents should have the opportunity to spend some or all of Christmas with their children.

Last year my son didn't end up seeing his dad until New Year's Eve as he fucked Access so much over.

Like op I gave him the option of this or that.

I would offer Christmas morning or anytime after 4...

12-4 is the important time in my house as they aren't allowed their presents till the after noon ( they get a stocking in the morning)

But like the others say if there was a joint parenting and a good relationship you should both be able to spend Christmas as a family... If other partners don't like it. Piss off or make it work and all spend time / some time together.

Not everyone has reasonable ex's that are proper parents. Sometimes they are just drains on society and purely and simply the only reason they have any input in their child's life is because of some twat that changed the law in 2003. X

[wheresthel1ght]

Sorry but yes yabu.

My dsc's mum refuses to let the kids spend Xmas day with us and it breaks dp's heart. They have a right to have those memories with BOTH parents.

[bibbitybobbityyhat]

wonderingsoul

Did you miss the part where the ex has him every weekend?

[ExtraHotLatteToGo]

Whatever bibbity