Fathers and their 'shotgun' jokes

[sandfish]

Men with daughters, can we retire the shotguns? It is getting tiresome.

I keep hearing the 'old chestnut' jest from men with young daughters, where they get a laugh from making comments about imagining threatening future boyfriends with a shotgun, presumably to make sure they get 'treated right'.

Last heard in the queue to pick my son up from reception class.

This annoys me on a profound level. Here's why.

My Dad taught me to make decisions, assess character and make choices, respect myself and have high standards. Granted, teenagers don't always have great judgement but need to be allowed to make some mistakes in order to learn. My dad didn't own me, when I got married he didn't give me away and he never gave my boyfriend crap and thank goodness for that, since I married him. I would have been furious if my Dad had tried to interfere in my life in that way.

She may be your little girl now but she's going to grow up to be an independent, strong and wise woman - don't you want that?

Secondly how does this work if we reverse things. So as a mother of small boys is it OK for me to say in the queue to pick up 5 year olds - "His first girlfriend better not break his heart or she will have me and my shotgun to deal with. See how she likes that - BITCH. Hahaha!" Do these guys want to hear me threaten their daughter in future? Would that be even remotely acceptable?!

Most parents feel very protective of their children especially when small. I get that. I do too. I feel pretty protective of my sons who through no fault of their own may meet one of these dickhead fathers in future and I hope to God none of them actually own a shotgun. I'm working on bringing my boys up to respect girls and women, and treat all people equally and well, with kindness and consideration, all without the use of threats of violence, humourous, passive-aggressive or otherwise.

I don't think threatening teen children with violence and fear is funny. But my sense of humour has always been a little mainstream, my personality bordering on the earnest. So what do you all think? Is it just 'banter' or a pile of crap that needs challenging? If you don't like it, can you think of a witty or blunt rejoiner for next time?

[Tummyclutter]

I don't hold the licence, and accordingly with the rules they are in a locked cupboard with 2 keys neither of which I know where they are kept.
I'm sure a quick forensics exam by the police would show that it was me that had written the message.

[DuckAndPancakes]

No, no, Tummy
Obviously a proper threat of violence. Not like gun laws and owning a gun in this country is SERIOUSLY governed and policed or anything.

[Tummyclutter]

Plus, my daughter saw it NOT her boyfriend.

[Tummyclutter]

Glad I'm not the only bad one on here DuckAndPancakes.
Now you've made me fancy Chinese, is it OK to have a takeaway on a Tuesday, or will that make me a bad parent too

[DuckAndPancakes]

Not at all! Especially when it's duck and pancakes, maybe some shredded chilli beef... Let me live vicariously.

also, at least if people know you've got the shotguns they'll know where to come when the zombie apocalypse happens.

[mygorgeousmilo]

YANBU I find this type of talk tedious beyond belief. The worst of it is, that I find these dads to be the ones who treat their wives like dirt. It's all bravado and bullsh*#

[AHellOfABird]

YANBU. A daughter's sexuality is not some kind of possession of her parent.

[camelfinger]

Yeah, it's boring. And not funny. I assume people who go on about this are a bit dim. Most daughters will shag someone eventually, irrespective of what their parents think.

[araiba]

A daughter's sexuality is not some kind of possession of her parent.

in some strange groups in usa it is! so strange

[AnyFucker]

Typical AIBU response "get over yourself it's just a joke..."

Seriously do some of you people have no analytical skills at all ?

and yes, women who make or go along with these "jokes" are promoting sexism too

[Tummyclutter]

Love a bit of crispy chilli beef.
All set up for the apocalypse. DH and DS are really good shots, so will have lots of food to live off - maybe the odd boyfriend or girlfriend too if resources get low

[justdontevenfuckingstart]

My oh doesn't view my daughter as a possession. He's a very good shot. Told her bf he would shoot him. Nothing to do with possession and sex. Just if you hurt my daughter I will be pretty pissed off. I have a gun too and told him the same. Obviously neither of us are going to shoot someone. Are you not allowed to have a joke anymore?

[AnyFucker]

People who talk like this remind me of those who have "future porn star" printed on little girls babygros

[Onlyicanclean10]

Actually I have heard far more women saying similar about girls and their precious sons.

Always assumed it was a feeble joke.

I did once slap a very large guy who made a disgusting remark to my then 14 year old dd in the apple shop. He hadn't realised I was with her. Serve the bastard right.

Can't see the police rushing over a clearly jokey shot gun note. And to call them would make anyone look unhinged.

[cbigs]

The thing is I've said to my eldest when he had a girl friend, 'she better not break your heart or she'll have me to answer too!' ( he's 17 )
It's about being mummy bear to my 'baby' boy . Just as I would feel about my daughter and I'm sure their dad would agree.

I do feel we're back in the arena where those that don't see the issue with this never will and those that do won't be swayed and feel everyone else is missing the hidden agenda and etc
Honestly to me it feels waring and hard work like I often feel on the feminism chat .
I'm sorry to say

[Tummyclutter]

Maybe I don't Frequent the same circles as you Anyfucker, because I have never seen such a vile statement on a babygro.

[Tummyclutter]

A quick google pics search brings up Future Welsh Star, and secondly Future Starship Captain.
But then maybe as I'm a responsible parent and have filters.

[LentilAsAnything]

This is a much better viewpoint: goodmenproject.com/ethics-values/brand-dear-daughter-i-hope-you-have-awesome-sex/.
YANBU.

[curren]

My mum once told a boyfriend that she could fit a body in her boot. She was joking, though it was a big boot. Is it still sexist if a woman says it?

Neither my mum or dad thought they owned me.

I have axes, throwing knives and swords in my house. All for my hobbies. I'll make sure I never mention my hobbies to dds future boyfriends. Don't want to scare them

[Onlyicanclean10]

curren

Your hobbies sound amazing.

[joangray38]

The men I know who say/ post stuff like this have treated women terribly in their younger days - now realising maybe they shouldn't have and in the near future some one may do the same to their DD.

[Tummyclutter]

Curren, I take it you are a man.
Women wouldn't have a hobby that involved those weapons, unless of course you are a magicians assistant

[ghostyslovesheep]

but your daughter WILL get hurt - didn't you get hurt/heart broken etc when young? Is that cause to wish to hurt other people

Lock her in a basement - what like Fritzl

you do not have a say in this - it's her life - you job is to help her navigate it not to act like you own her

I have 3 daughters - I wont be threatening any of their boy friends or girl friends - it's non of my business