I tried too swallow my pride...

[Kungfupandaworksout16]

Yesterday I posted how I acted a bit of a twat in the heat of the moment in regards to my wedding. My sister had originally agreed to attend my wedding by herself , and her partner and baby and children will arrive at the end for photos [my sister asked for this as she likes the view at the venue] then all go to the party. Her partner had a controlling bitch fit and she pulled out of the ceremony but agreed to the party , I being a Mard arse told her you don't come to the wedding no party. So that's my old post in a shortened version.

I texted her today to apologise on my twattish behaviour and of course she can still attend all parts of the wedding like how the original plan was. I explained how nobody else's partner was there and it will literally be 40 minutes and if leaving baby is her problem she can bring baby as they don't count as a person as they'd be on somebody's lap [shes not allowed to take baby anywhere without him anyways so I knew this wasn't her problem] and no hard feelings if she doesn't attend the ceremony but it would break my heart if she didn't.

Her response was basically [I'm not sure it was her]
I should of considered her partner when I booked the room because he wants to attend desperately and I was out of order not to make room for him when we opted for the smaller room. She no longer is a single person and doesn't do activities by herself anymore where she goes he goes. So unless I can remove someone from the wedding to make room for him she will not be attending the ceremony. And if I want her to attend the party I must apologise to HIM and mean it as ive "upset him greatly"

I honestly tried , but I don't know where to go from here. In my opinion it wasn't my sister who sent that text but she'll know what his stipulations are for her agreeing to the party. Seeing as you all snapped me out of being a prat yesterday I was wondering What do I do now?

please read my previous thread before making hasty comments. I explained the situation multiple times

[StrictlyMumDancing]

Well done for apologising kungfu. You've been the bigger person. Its sad he's involved in this way but there isn't anything you can do for her right now. I think the only thing you can do re the wedding is responding that its a shame she feels this way now and the invite for her and/or the baby still stands if she changes her mind, but you'll respect her decision if she doesn't.

[LaContessaDiPlump]

I'd think that he's likely to ban her from seeing you at all until you apologise, op. You'd be better off arranging an outing for your sister with some other family member - you can then call their phone and they can pass it to her. No evidence on her phone that you've been in touch, and he won't see you in the area if he's watching - plausible deniability.

[kittybiscuits]

Your wedding plans were bound to cause upset in the first place. If your siblings are saying that no one minds their partners and children not being invited, they are not being honest with you. It's intrinsically disrespectful not to invite their partners and children. My ex declined his sister's wedding invitation for the same reason. However, with that as the backdrop, it's good that you have apologised for your behaviour and reinstated the original offer. I hope that this wedding makes all your dreams come true - then it might be worth the fallout generated. Your sister's partner is a separate issue really.

[ChangedDays]

Kitty I think that is extremely unfair to the op. Everyone is entitled to have the wedding they wish. My sister had a very similar set up & neither me nor DP genuinely had a problem with only me, my brothers & parents being at the ceremony. It is the bride & grooms day & not for anyone to dictate how it should be.
Plus, not everyone can accommodate the financial cost included with a bigger room/venue.

Do send the text, hope you & your sister are able to meet up & hopefully she won't have been so brainwashed by this fucker that she'll be able to take on board your concerns

[Snoringlittlemonkey]

Don't talk tripe Kitty it's not disrespectful at all. It's their wedding, their choice.

Send Star's text. Best response.

It's your wedding not control freak's. He's trying to make it all about him and be the centre of attention. He'll probably have a tantrum but so what! He's going to try to create drama whatever so do what you originally planned and forget him.

[RaeSkywalker]

I'd be prepared for drama on the day caused by him. Think about how you'll handle it if he turns up at the ceremony, etc.

I think sending a text to your sister along the lines of "I'm sorry you feel that way. We will keep a space at the ceremony reserved for you and the baby incase you change your mind. If not it would be lovely to see you all at the party".

[Kungfupandaworksout16]

I texted hours ago what star said and no response doubt she even seen it. Not much more I can do apart from kidnap her on the wedding day and keep her hostage. Hopefully she'll attend the ceremony and party but I doubt she'll do any now.

[UnderTheGreenwoodTree]

Oh love - just remember, this is not your doing, or your fault. If it wasn't this, it would be something else. That's how these controlling-type men roll

Have a wonderful wedding and try not to dwell on it - it's him, not you

[Homemadearmy]

I would send shooting stars response too
I agree with everyone and it looks like your sister is in a abusive controlling relationship. I would be prepared for him to isolate her completely from family and friends and unfortunately your wedding is just something he is using as a excuse.
It really depends on how much your sister is aware of his behaviour and if she is ready to accept help. I would try to not take offence and wait for her to come to her senses.

[MissPunnyMany]

This makes for such sad reading. It really does seem that your sister is in a very emotionally abusive relationship. The saddest thing is if she misses your wedding because of this she'll be devastated, but her only option is to stand up to him....and I imagine having three kids and the youngest being a newborn makes this an incredibly hard option for her. Sleep deprivation, hormones and new babies are tricky enough in a 'normal' relationship.

If it were my sister I would simply text 'I love you and I'd beg you to reconsider and be at my wedding. As I've explained, there is only room for 10 guests being mine and

[StrictlyMumDancing]

under put it better than I could. Try not to take it too personally, its not about you, you just happen to be the easy target right now. And its not really her either. I hope your wedding goes phenomenally whether she attends or not

[Kungfupandaworksout16]

I tried that's all I can do. Hopefully she'll make an appearance. Thankyou all so much for the advice it's been really helpful

[Liska]

I've read the original thread and just skimmed this one so apologies if I am repeating anything. You've done really really well kungfu in swallowing your pride. It's a shame that your sister is unlikely to be at your wedding but there is a bigger issue here. It sounds extremely likely that your sister's relationship is abusive. He's not just a dick, he's potentially dangerous, and your sister is likely modifying her own behaviour to keep him calm and herself safe. Don't push on this - let it go if you can - but be aware that this is probably just the beginning of him trying to isolate her from her family. You need to let her know that you will always be there if she needs a chat. Keep texting her, but assume that he is reading them too, and don't worry if she doesn't reply. I'm sorry if this all sounds over dramatic, and I'm sorry to add this extra crap to your troubles, but I've worked in this area and he sounds absolutely classic. I'd feel neglectful if I didn't say all this. Take care and remember this is not your fault.

[UnderTheGreenwoodTree]

I agree with the 'let it go' advice. The invitation is there for her, you are there for her, you love her -is the only message you can send to her at this time.

You can't push for them to attend - if you let it go, tell them it's their decision, in fact, they are more likely to attend the party You have issued an invitation, not a summons. He will probably not want to miss out

Don't get mixed up in his power & control games, that would be bad.

[AcrossthePond55]

Best wishes, Kungfu, and a prayer for your sister to come to her senses and leave this abusive man.

[ThumbWitchesAbroad]

Very sorry, Kungfu, especially with your update re. the home situation. This man has her trapped and guarded 24h a day, by the sound of it, and the fact that he is monitoring her calls and refusing to let her answer her own phone tells its own story :(

I think you should let your Mum know about this situation, if she doesn't already, and maybe she could go round and talk to your sister about it? Or take her out shopping, or for coffee (if she's allowed, that is) so that ControllingTwat isn't listening in.

I'm quite worried for your sister, tbh. :(