son who is 9's diary entry. advice pls

[StephoooH]

Hi. Sorry if this is the wrong place to post this. I was googling and came across a post on here about bullying and seemed to be in the right spot but then I saw what the site was about and thought it would actually be good to ask about the actual situation.

My son is 9 sorry about the writing far too lazy to type all out!

I found this on his draw next to his bed which is where all his current stuff he uses is and he has denied all knowledge! But his face was like an absolute tomato. I have promised that I'm always here for him etc etc but he still denies. It's sad to se my little man wrote that :( I can't just leave it, surely?? Help

[PirateFairy45]

That's awful!

[EatinAintCheatin]

oh op this made me cry ...my middle dc has had bullying episodes, its heartbreaking

I really hope the school sort it

for you x

[StarUtopia]

Kids are really mean! No! They are! If he wasn't ginger, it would be because he wore glasses. If it wasn't that, it would be because he was small/tall/fat/thin/big nose etc etc etc

I try to stress this to all parents. All kids need a coping mechanism because sadly, bullying is still common (although I've actually found kids are not as 'anti' ginger as they used to be!) A school without bullying is a school with one child.

See the school asap. A decent teacher will get this nipped in the bud now. However, also get your child to karate (or similar) asap. Primary can be horrid. Secondary is just horrendous :( He needs to make sure he's untouchable (if that makes sense)

I hate to say it, but as a teacher I've seen it all. I've had my two in self defence classes since they were 2!

ps I think his hair is bloody gorgeous!!!!

[PregnantAndEngaged]

Aww poor thing, brought tears to my eyes reading that.

Speak to the school ASAP. You definitely can't just leave it there. He's clearly ashamed of being bullied and too scared to admit that he is/ask for help, but that note in itself is a cry for help.

His hair is lovely!

[Scaredycat3000]

Kids are really mean! No! They are! If he wasn't ginger, it would be because he wore glasses. If it wasn't that, it would be because he was small/tall/fat/thin/big nose etc etc etc
Whilst I wholly agree children will find anyway to bully the ginger bullying comes from parents and society. I'm a redhead, my sons are redheads, MIL told me not to worry their hair would probably change colour.

[Knockmesideways]

I agree with everyone who has said you should see the teacher - pleased to see you're going to.

But you also need to give him some help in dealing with this sort of thing himself. Bullying takes hold gradually sometimes and he needs to learn to nip it in the bud. I knew people at school who were never bullied and others who were endlessly being picked on and there was nothing between them except the first just didn't bow to anyone or shrugged it off somehow.

Whether it's learning a stock retort, thinking how to handle it or learning to 'get the laugh in first' even, talking through a strategy may help him.

My DS (year4) has a heart condition which means he is always the slowest at running. He always will be. Nothing is going to change that. And we know he will be the last kid to be picked for team games (who wants the slow runner on their team?)

He was very upset after his first sports day as he was only halfway down the track when the others had finished. The parents at the school all know him so they were cheering him on - not one bad taunt from another child in reception at the time. However, we spoke to the consultant at his next heart check up who said 'You just being on the track is a greater achievement than the kid who wins the medal easily - remember that'. After that DS adopted 'Waterloo by Abba as his anthem - because it has the line "I feel like I win when I lose" and we sing it before every sports day to psych him up. Last year he came second to last in the obstacle course! Atta boy! He was so proud and so were we.

We also make sure we point out that it's his brain power which is going to help him in future - not the ability to run fast. Not many people get a job involving fast running - most people need a fast brain rather than fast feet in their work. He came top in his year for his spelling test (100% correct) and got an award from the head. That's helped him secure his place in the class eyes. He now gets asked how to spell words and people want him on their table because of his ability - so he's not the athlete but he's the kid who knows ' stuff' and is willing to share that knowledge and that's made him popular.

A few years ago one kid taunted him about being slow during the sports day trials. DS turned to him and in a loud voice said 'I have a heart condition, I'm a slow runner. Get over it - I have to'. DS's friends cheered, bully went away sheepish and taunts stopped.

We try out different retorts or roleplays with DS if there's a hint of 'nastiness' going on, even if it doesn't involve him. So we'll say something like "so if that happened to you what would you do?" Sometimes it's go and find a grown up, sometimes it's ignore it, sometimes it's laugh along (that can be powerful too - I learned that at school, getting in first with the laugh defuses the bully sometimes. Seeing you upset is what gives them power - gives them a kick. Seeing you smile and say 'yeah, you're right, oh well' doesn't give them a way in and they'll pick on someone who gives them the satisfaction they crave) sometimes just a quick 'that's really mean did you realise that?" can be enough at that age.

It's just giving DS an arsenal of ammunition to a) send the bully packing at an early stage and b) give him the self esteem to shrug it off and forget it.

I hope you get things sorted out. I'm from a family of gingers and had a ginger friend at school who was the most popular girl. And think of all the 'would be' brides lining up for Prince Harry! Ginger makes you stand out in a room - get the personality behind it and you can blow away the opposition!

[liquidrevolution]

Another poster who was slightly disappointed with a non-ginger baby. I still look for signs of red in the sun but no joy

He is gorgeous. Definitely say something to the school, this needs sorting now.

Also not sure if anyone has mentioned but when Dr Who regenerates he has been a bit annoyed that he hasn't got ginger hair yet. That might highlight how cool red hair is.

[Moonlightceleste]

Oh bless him :( I don't get what it is about ginger hair that inspires so much bullying. My mum used to tell me when I was about his age that ginger hair is a mark of royaltyand people make nasty comments because they're jealous, could you tell him something like that?

[Primaryteach87]

He's probably embarrassed to talk about it but really wants you to know. I would start writing notes back to him. You don't need to mention them in person.

Obviously as others have said, the school need to be made aware and asked what steps they will take to dealing with it. As a teacher, I found bullying the hardest thing to stamp out but they should be 100% trying and your son should know they will listen properly.

[StephoooH]

Hello all.

Sorry, but I don't understand how that picture makes him identifiable? his whole face is taken out... He doesn't know I have posted this on here and the reality is that by the time he would start getting on the internet, this will be with all the other threads that haven't been looked at in years! Personally, I don't have an issue with it... I would if his face was showing, but it isn't.

He struggles to write with his letters joined. It becomes unreadable... They are working on practicing at school and we do some at home too for homework. However, he keeps writing his natural way until it becomes naturally, I guess? That's what his teacher has said. Can I just ask though, why on earth was that the first thing you noticed? he's doing just fine with his writing, thanks for your concern.

I went in this morning. Asked at reception if I could see his teacher. They told me it was by appointment only, so no. I saw the head in their office and asked if I could see them, she also said that it was by appointment only, so no. So I said that when there is an appointment available, give me a call and my son will be back in to school. She went and got the head.

Who was absolutely fantastic. He was showing my son lots of ginger people online, videos, etc. He also gave him a little book and told him to just write how his day has been and give it to him, so he can see if it's going better. The head said they take it very seriously and will 'be solving it in a matter of urgency'. My son is sitting with him for this morning, until he has spoken to the kids.

Very pleased

[SoGodhelpme]

What a clever little boy you've go! to have known if he cant talk about it, write mum a letter and she will sort it out

[LavenderRains]

That sounds promising. I bet it's a relief off his little shoulders. Good for you for not taking no for an answer.
oh, and his writing looks fine. My DS is 18 & still doesn't join up his writing. Nobody cares!

[ophiotaurus]

What the heck has his writing got to do with anything?! That's not what the post was about!
Glad he is getting help Steph. It must be a relief that they are taking it seriously

[Stanky]

Well done for standing your ground, and the meeting sounded very positive. :)

The other thing I was going to say is perhaps do consider enrolling him in some sort of self defence class. The right one could do wonders for his confidence. My ds went about 4 times, and although he lost interest and felt he had better things to do on a Saturday mornings (he helps family at a local market, kind of a little job he enjoys), I could see that he felt more confident after just 4 sessions. Good luck to you and your ds.

[Naughty1205]

Well done mamma for fighting your little boys corner. He has gorgeous hair!

[Baconyum]

We'll done.

So glad it went well with the head, I have a thread running re schools not dealing with bullying well and this is one example of how it SHOULD be handled.

[smokeybandit]

Well done, nice to see the head being proactive about it. Figers crossed your son feels comfortable enough to be honest about how people are treating him so it can be stopped quickly and appropriately.

[NeededANameChangeAnyway]

That is such a good outcome, so pleased! I was bullied at primary school and couldn't find a way to tell anyone, very clever of him to broach the subject in a way he was comfortable with.

[ThumbWitchesAbroad]

Good response by the head; well done for getting to see him!

[Scaredycat3000]

So I said that when there is an appointment available, give me a call and my son will be back in to school.
Brilliant, well done That attendance is sooooooooo important them. Pointing out they're breaking their own polices (if they are, and quote the policy) and if they continue to do so the Governors will be informed are other ways to get things moving fast.

[NotGonnaAnswerThePhone]

Whoever is having a go at this little lads writing, is an aboslute twat.

Get to the back with the other bullies

[BreakfastLunchPasta]

OP, you are brilliant. I hope your ds has inherited your negotiation skills :o
The head sounds ace.

[Beefles]

I'm on my phone and reading all the comments would take too long but can you remind your son that Ed Sheeran is ginger and liked by far more people than the vile kids telling him "nobody likes gingers". He's got beautiful hair. I have brown and consider my hair boring. I often dye my hair red (and purple/silver etc) just to look more interesting than my own hair makes me. DP hasn't seen me with natural hair in the whole time we've been together. As much as I put a lot of effort into my own hair, my hair isn't what's going to control my life. Nobody cares about it at all (except my hairdresser). I hope his school life improves and people realise his hair isn't what they should be focusing on

[BeckyWithTheMediocreHair]

I think the poster who commented on the writing thought that they were doing subtle troll-hunting. S/he also commented that the handwriting was neat for a nine-year-old - I suspect to imply that it wasn't written by a child at all.

[StephoooH]

How odd.