To say "Enough is enough" with extended breast feeding.

[Writerwannabe83]

My DS was two years old recently and still breast feeds. I have managed to cut him down to twice a day: once when he wakes up in the morning and again when he wakes up after his afternoon nap. He's still always asking for it at various other times of the day too and can have a little tantrum when he's told no but he can be distracted and then it's forgotten.

I do believe in the benefits of extended breast feeding, hence why I still am, but I think I've had enough now. My DH has also been making comments that DS is too old for it now but they don't go down well with me

I know ideally we should just let the toddlers self wean, and I don't want to force him to stop by just denying it him anymore but sometimes instead my head I'm shouting, "Will you please just leave me alone" every time he lunges at my chest.

I spoke to a friend about it yesterday, who is also feeding her toddler, and she told me that she would never just stop her son from feeding and she would have no problems feeding him up until he was 5 if that's what he wanted - she also added in that she has her husband's "full support" on this matter. It was all said very smugly.

I just feel like I've done my dues now and if I don't go cold turkey on the feeds, despite knowing it will upset/confuse him, I don't see how he will ever stop of his own accord??

Has anyone else ever enforced the end of breast feeding with their toddler and how did you do it?

I know it's good for him, I know it's something he finds lots of comfort in but I really do feel like I'm ready to stop now and that it's time to put my wishes first - though I feel pretty awful and selfish even just writing that

[MintyBojingles]

Do what you want to do - I totally understand the feeling of had enough of this now. For me it's quite a relief to have a gap before new baby arrives.

[HeadTilt]

I fed my DD til 2.5y.

It was easier to stop than expected. The word "later" was used a lot, I tried to avoid saying no to feeding as she would get worked up. I cut her down to one feed at night (you could start with this?), then started de latching her early so she didn't get as much. "Luckily" I them got D&V and she didn't want to feed. So we stopped.

If you need to stop now, just stop. It will be fine and you have done amazingly. If you have the energy for it cutting back further over a few weeks might be easier.

Don't discuss it with your so called friend again!

[TheABC]

I has this a few months ago with DS (2.5). DH was always a bit funny about me bf past 6 months (probably because he wanted my boons back for himself), but I ignored the comments and kept going as it made the weaning and night wakings so much bloody easier. As DS ate more and went to nursery, the feeds were down to twice a day anyway. However, I fell pregnant with DC2 (arrival expected soon) and my milk dried up. DS's latch got incredibly sloppy and it started to hurt (a toddler with a full set of teeth chewing your nipple? Don't do it). So I gently weaned by saying 'milk all gone' and offering him a cuddle and juice instead. I also got DH to take over at the flash points (bedtime mainly) for a few weeks.

No advice on stopping the "hands down your top" issue as that still happens to me now. It's partly his way of cuddling, so I make sure I am wearing layers he can slip his hand between (e.g. camisole and cardi), instead of lunging for my bra. P

[Writerwannabe83]

witsender - "It sounds like he is using it as a way of bonding with you when you're home."

I completely agree and maybe that's why I feel more guilty at the thought of stopping.

I was pregnant earlier this year and I secretly hoped it would lead to weaning for the various reasons already mentioned but unfortunately I miscarried.

I think that if DS was content with just his two feeds a day then I would have no problem carrying on but it's just the relentless asking for it that makes it so hard. The minute he wakes up I can hear him calling out "milk" over and over again. If I walk into a room he shouts out "milk" - even if he hears my voice over the phone he starts saying, "milk, milk" in a whiney way.

I told my friend (the same one I already mentioned) that sometimes DS will come and sit on my lap, ask for milk, pull my top up and just try to help himself and she looked horrified. She explained to me they get son (who is two weeks older than mine) would ever do that as she had taught him that "breast feeding is a two way relationship and he's only allowed a feed if mommy feels like it too and so now he knows that he has to be patient and wait until his mommy is ready." This was also said rather smugly which only led me to feel like I had some unruly child and we are failing in breast feeding etiquette....

[MsBlandingsBuildsHerDreamHouse]

Blimey Writer your "friend" is a bit of 'mare. I'm not convinced she's telling the truth either - it all sounds a bit of a sophisticated concept for a toddler.

YoJesse that sounds really hard.

[Fluffycloudland77]

Your friends a smug twat.

[pictish]

but sometimes instead my head I'm shouting, "Will you please just leave me alone" every time he lunges at my chest.

Well there you go!
You are you, your friend is your friend. You are not the same, your toddlers are not the same, your husbands are not the same. What suits you won't suit her and vice versa. Stop worrying about your smug twat pal and do what suits you.

You're fed up with feeding him, so stop.

[Writerwannabe83]

She loves telling me how clever her son is too as he can do baby sign language (or whatever the official name is). It is really impressive to watch him but it can be hard listening to her talk so proudly about it all the time. He doesn't actually speak though, she admits that he barely says anything.

She had an horrendous time with breast feeding - she did brilliant really to finally hit the point where it worked - and so I just think she can be a bit OTT about things related to breast feeding sometimes, she can just come on a bit heavy. She really doesn't say things in a judgemental manner (she's a genuinely nice person) but her comments can cause feelings of inferiority....

She's a really nice person, she was fantastic when I had my miscarriage, but her perfect parenting can be hard to live up to.

She carries him round in his lovely slings during their rambles in the forest, she gave up work to be a SAHM (we worked together, that's how we met) and has sign language conversation with her son whereas I have a pushchair off eBay, I went back to work full time when DS was 10 months and now he's an unruly toddler obsessed with the word "milk"

[HappyJustToBe]

I stopped on DD's second birthday. I think I told her in advance that when she had her birthday the milk would be all gone. She had a very moments where she pushed for it but only one trying to get down my top to take matters into her own hands.

I had considered allowing her to self wean and perhaps objectively that would have been best but I was starting to get angry at her and being touched all the time which can't be best to my mind.

[Kennington]

Admittedly I struggled so badly at the begginning with breast feeding and mixed fed, that I breast fed for over 2 years in the end
It was tough to stop though

[JasperDamerel]

I breastfed my kids until they self-weaned, but although I know lots of mothers who breastfed their children past toddlerhood, I know hardly any who didn't at least nudge their children into weaning at some point, and I had periods of time where I restricted feeds.

The thing about breastfeeding a child or an older toddler is that it's much more of a two way thing than it is with a baby, and your feelings do matter. I think cutting down or stopping is absolutely fine as long it's something that you are happy with and that is done in a way that is considerate of your child's feelings.

[Waitingforsherlock]

Ignore the smugness. Why do people feel that breastfeeding is some sort of competitive sport? I breastfed my three, until the ages of one, two and a half and three respectively. My last dc would have still been doing it now I suspect, ( she's seven). I tried telling her it had run out, she was too big now and that it had gone off. I rubbed garlic on my nipples, (' Mmmm Mummy it tastes like garlic chicken') so in the end I had to go hardcore. I must state that she was only having one or two feeds a day, so I knew that she really didn't need it anymore. I fed for such an extended time primarily to help her immunity and because she got such comfort from it. But she was pawing me all the time, once whilst having a serious conversation with one my other dc's headmaster and although I could laugh off her shouts for 'booby' in public, I felt it was time to stop.

A friend of mine recommended putting stop and grow on. I paved the way by telling her that it had gone off; remember by the age of three we could have really in depth discussions about things; it only took one application and she stopped, proclaiming that booby had gone bad. She didn't even ask for it again. I probably missed it much more than she did and then went into a period of feeling really sad about stopping. It's a really hard decision to make and perhaps if you are away and you feel she likes the comfort, wait a month or two? She may self wean by then anyway.

I am now awaiting a flaming for my probably more common than you think unorthodox methods.

[pictish]

Well I think you'd be very silly to carry on with something you don't need or want to, just so you can keep up with your friend.

[bostonkremekrazy]

i fed till 2.5 yrs. i chose to stop as dd was feeding a lot in the night and i was too tired.
we used a combination of milk all gone now in the night, and in the day i'd say do you want a snack - and i'd immediately get her a biscuit - which i think she rather liked LOL
took a few days of constant asking but then it just clicked and she never looked back - if your ds is asking constantly anyway maybe its worth a try.

on the perfect parenting front, just ignore your friend, if her LO is barely talking she's not that perfect is she? (special needs aside obviously)

[Waitingforsherlock]

Think you hit the nail on the head about your friend struggling to bf. I did too and when you find that you can finally do it, it does fill you with a sort of missionary zeal about the subject. Sounds like there is lots of oneupmanship in your relationship with your friend and that you feel she will judge you if you stop. Don't let her views influence your decision too much if you can.

[HeadTilt]

These things don't make your friend a better parent. If she is genuinely lovely then you might need to have a frank talk with her if she is being super-smug.

She could be fretting over her child's lack of speech, struggling with the las of her work role and still stinging from her hard time establishing breastfeeding. She no doubt looks to aspects of your parenting/family life and envies them. You need to stop comparing.

[5BlueHydrangea]

M dd was 3 and I stopped it. Well the aim was 3, it took 3 years and 3 weeks! She would now (age 6) quite happily carry on! She keeps saying can you have another baby so I can have milk from your boobies! Obsessed. They are totally her comfort blanket but it can be irritating.
If you have had enough reduce to bedtime only then stop. Get a nice cup and big it up how great it is.

[HackerFucker22]

Dc2 is only 15m but I can't forsee her self weaning anytime soon. She has cmpa as well so we haven't been able to move to cows milk as I did for dc1 (she takes soya milk but nowhere near enough to be her main source of hydration)

I work 3 days a week and touch wood my supply hasn't been affected so I'm just going with it.

Dc2 feeds a hell of a lot at night - she wakes at least 3 times and would happily just stay on boob all night if i didnt pop her off when she nods off. I can foresee the tiredness eventually being the deal breaker for me though. Dc2 has never slept through not even bloody close and the tiredness is starting to get to me now I'm back to work.

I done know the answer but I think it doesn't have to be set in stone. You can take some more time to decide?

[manicinsomniac]

2 years old - you need a bloody medal and are def NBU. Well done, duty well and truly fulfilled, I would say.

I know it's popular here but, in reality, I only know one or two people who carried on much past 12-15 months at best. Genuinely think you've done better than most!

[MrsJayy]

Just stop just say shops shut milk is all finished I know BF is different and EBF might be a comfort thing as well as feeding but most toddlers are off bottlesby 2 if you think its time then its time

[PinguForPresident]

6 weeks before my son turned 3 I went to Glastonbury. I was away for 5 days and night and he happily went to bed without a BF. When I got home he asked once and I said it was all gone now. he tootled off to bed with nary a backwards glance and never asked again.

I don't know if I'd have been able to refuse him multiple times, but that 5 days away broke the cycle.

It's fine to stop if you're ready to. You've done brilliantly.

[ZenNudist]

We for start off judge the smug friend for being smug. Also subtly wind her up, ask her what's baby sign language for '2 way relationship'😂 she's full of shit and you need to be a but more confident around her rather as seeing yourself as inferior parent.

Everyone parents in their own way and some people are convinced of the superiority of their own way.

I stopped bf ds1 at 20mo (self wean) and hoped ds2 would wean before 2 also, he didn't so I had to put my for down. It helps that I got nipple thrush and was advised to stop bf, it was painful and by then being in pain didn't seem worth it.

For cutting out day time feeds I recommend substituting day time snacks or cups of milk (within reason). As long as he eats his meals too. Never an issue with my two.

I was down to morning and bedtime bf, then just at bedtime. So u just said 'all gone' and 'no boobie' if he asked. He would cry and say 'boobie!' And I would crack occasionally but mainly just distract him with bedtime stories.

Perhaps drop daytime feeds first then sort the morning and night ones.

Morning I found whipping him downstairs for breakfast as soon as he woke helped.

[pictish]

She may not even be a smug twat - that was a hasty thing for me to say. She's just different to you. There's no ideal parenting model by which you must set things. You make your own.

[Sighing]

I went away for a weekend. My mum had dd1 gave her a cup of cows milk when she askedfor milk. Congratulated her for being so patient/ good etc. When i got back she wanted her milk that way. Worth a try focusing on what you want (rather like toilet training focus on the next "thing" and supporting the child towards it).

[Catsize]

I totally get this. I'd have a hard day at work, long drive home, and DD would be tugging at my top immediately. It did get wearing, I felt guilty (I am very pro-breastfeeding and went to hell and back to do it), but it somehow it just stopped. I think my partner just whisked DD away to do something else when she was all tuggy. She was only about 18m. Hats off to you OP!