To say "Enough is enough" with extended breast feeding.

[Writerwannabe83]

My DS was two years old recently and still breast feeds. I have managed to cut him down to twice a day: once when he wakes up in the morning and again when he wakes up after his afternoon nap. He's still always asking for it at various other times of the day too and can have a little tantrum when he's told no but he can be distracted and then it's forgotten.

I do believe in the benefits of extended breast feeding, hence why I still am, but I think I've had enough now. My DH has also been making comments that DS is too old for it now but they don't go down well with me

I know ideally we should just let the toddlers self wean, and I don't want to force him to stop by just denying it him anymore but sometimes instead my head I'm shouting, "Will you please just leave me alone" every time he lunges at my chest.

I spoke to a friend about it yesterday, who is also feeding her toddler, and she told me that she would never just stop her son from feeding and she would have no problems feeding him up until he was 5 if that's what he wanted - she also added in that she has her husband's "full support" on this matter. It was all said very smugly.

I just feel like I've done my dues now and if I don't go cold turkey on the feeds, despite knowing it will upset/confuse him, I don't see how he will ever stop of his own accord??

Has anyone else ever enforced the end of breast feeding with their toddler and how did you do it?

I know it's good for him, I know it's something he finds lots of comfort in but I really do feel like I'm ready to stop now and that it's time to put my wishes first - though I feel pretty awful and selfish even just writing that

[HopelesslydevotedtoGu]

Breastfeeding is a two way relationship, if it isn't working for you anymore then of course it's Ok to stop.

I did find that initiating some rules around breastfeeding helps- not shoving hands down my top, asking for "milk please" rather than shouting. If I don't want to feed I distract- luckily she loves cow milk.

I've heard people using "don't offer, don't refuse, distract instead"- so at his typical breastfeeding times distract him before he can ask- a snack, cup of something, cartoon, anything.

Wear high necked tops and give him lots of attention in other ways during this period.

My toddler always feeds more in the house, the days we are out a lot she doesn't ask.

[RoseDeGambrinus]

Just looking at this thread and I do not miss the small hand down my top in public trying to pull my boob out, no matter how cute a smile it was accompanied with! I gave him lots of milk in a cup which he liked. Good luck!

[Writerwannabe83]

Why did your DH want you to "go on forever?"

[lucy101101]

I stopped at 22 months as I wasn't well and was just exhausted. We were down to one feed a day and it was painless, really and a bunch of health issues resolved very quickly afterwards which happened to me last time I gave up BFing. I told my DD that my boobs had 'gone on holiday' when she looked for them (which was only a couple of times) and she laughed so it was painless. We still have a lot of skin on skin and is very happy to all good).

My DH would have liked me to go on forever but I actually wish I had given up earlier to be honest as I feel much better when I am not BFing!

[lucy101101]

I stopped at 22 months as I wasn't well and was just exhausted. We were down to one feed a day and it was painless, really and a bunch of health issues resolved very quickly afterwards which happened to me last time I gave up BFing. I told my DD that my boobs had 'gone on holiday' when she looked for them (which was only a couple of times) and she laughed so it was painless. We still have a lot of skin on skin and is very happy to all good).

My DH would have liked me to go on forever but I actually wish I had given up earlier to be honest as I feel much better when I am not BFing!

[pictish]

Perhaps she's overcompensating the signing a bit because she feels insecure about his speech. Not that I think his speech is an issue - most likely he'll talk in his own time. When he can sign his needs there's not as much incentive to talk, but he will eventually.
Point being that while you confess to feeling a bit inferior, she may have similar feelings.

Your thread title indicates that you no longer want to breastfeed your son, so don't. What your friend does is irrelevant to what works for you.

[lljkk]

breast feeding is a two way relationship and he's only allowed a feed if mommy feels like it too and so now he knows that he has to be patient and wait until his mommy is ready.

Bloody hell, that child is a certified genius in the empathy dept. if he really understood all that. And an early master of delayed gratification.

I had to be harsh with mine, OP. Sorry to say. Like "Mummy isn't happy to do that any more and you can manage without." Cuddles still free & plentiful. Bit of whinging at first but very soon done.

Good luck. Please don't feel guilty.

[Writerwannabe83]

My DS had a bottle of Aptamil at night three times a week when I returned to work (I wasn't home in time for bedtime) but was off the bottle by 11 months old. On the three nights I wasn't around for bedtime he would just have cow's milk from a breaker with his dad but on the other four nights he would have a breast feed before bed.

He hasn't had a breast feed before bed though for about 4 months (maybe more) and he has a beaker of milk instead even when I do bedtime. He only has a breast feed when he wakes up in the morning and when he wakes from his nap.

He drinks from normal cups in the day.

It is only over the last month that he has actually started calling me mommy (well, he says mimmy) as he has always just referred to me as "milk"

[Catsize]

And your friend is

[Catsize]

I totally get this. I'd have a hard day at work, long drive home, and DD would be tugging at my top immediately. It did get wearing, I felt guilty (I am very pro-breastfeeding and went to hell and back to do it), but it somehow it just stopped. I think my partner just whisked DD away to do something else when she was all tuggy. She was only about 18m. Hats off to you OP!

[Sighing]

I went away for a weekend. My mum had dd1 gave her a cup of cows milk when she askedfor milk. Congratulated her for being so patient/ good etc. When i got back she wanted her milk that way. Worth a try focusing on what you want (rather like toilet training focus on the next "thing" and supporting the child towards it).

[pictish]

She may not even be a smug twat - that was a hasty thing for me to say. She's just different to you. There's no ideal parenting model by which you must set things. You make your own.

[ZenNudist]

We for start off judge the smug friend for being smug. Also subtly wind her up, ask her what's baby sign language for '2 way relationship'😂 she's full of shit and you need to be a but more confident around her rather as seeing yourself as inferior parent.

Everyone parents in their own way and some people are convinced of the superiority of their own way.

I stopped bf ds1 at 20mo (self wean) and hoped ds2 would wean before 2 also, he didn't so I had to put my for down. It helps that I got nipple thrush and was advised to stop bf, it was painful and by then being in pain didn't seem worth it.

For cutting out day time feeds I recommend substituting day time snacks or cups of milk (within reason). As long as he eats his meals too. Never an issue with my two.

I was down to morning and bedtime bf, then just at bedtime. So u just said 'all gone' and 'no boobie' if he asked. He would cry and say 'boobie!' And I would crack occasionally but mainly just distract him with bedtime stories.

Perhaps drop daytime feeds first then sort the morning and night ones.

Morning I found whipping him downstairs for breakfast as soon as he woke helped.

[PinguForPresident]

6 weeks before my son turned 3 I went to Glastonbury. I was away for 5 days and night and he happily went to bed without a BF. When I got home he asked once and I said it was all gone now. he tootled off to bed with nary a backwards glance and never asked again.

I don't know if I'd have been able to refuse him multiple times, but that 5 days away broke the cycle.

It's fine to stop if you're ready to. You've done brilliantly.

[MrsJayy]

Just stop just say shops shut milk is all finished I know BF is different and EBF might be a comfort thing as well as feeding but most toddlers are off bottlesby 2 if you think its time then its time

[manicinsomniac]

2 years old - you need a bloody medal and are def NBU. Well done, duty well and truly fulfilled, I would say.

I know it's popular here but, in reality, I only know one or two people who carried on much past 12-15 months at best. Genuinely think you've done better than most!

[HackerFucker22]

Dc2 is only 15m but I can't forsee her self weaning anytime soon. She has cmpa as well so we haven't been able to move to cows milk as I did for dc1 (she takes soya milk but nowhere near enough to be her main source of hydration)

I work 3 days a week and touch wood my supply hasn't been affected so I'm just going with it.

Dc2 feeds a hell of a lot at night - she wakes at least 3 times and would happily just stay on boob all night if i didnt pop her off when she nods off. I can foresee the tiredness eventually being the deal breaker for me though. Dc2 has never slept through not even bloody close and the tiredness is starting to get to me now I'm back to work.

I done know the answer but I think it doesn't have to be set in stone. You can take some more time to decide?

[5BlueHydrangea]

M dd was 3 and I stopped it. Well the aim was 3, it took 3 years and 3 weeks! She would now (age 6) quite happily carry on! She keeps saying can you have another baby so I can have milk from your boobies! Obsessed. They are totally her comfort blanket but it can be irritating.
If you have had enough reduce to bedtime only then stop. Get a nice cup and big it up how great it is.

[HeadTilt]

These things don't make your friend a better parent. If she is genuinely lovely then you might need to have a frank talk with her if she is being super-smug.

She could be fretting over her child's lack of speech, struggling with the las of her work role and still stinging from her hard time establishing breastfeeding. She no doubt looks to aspects of your parenting/family life and envies them. You need to stop comparing.

[Waitingforsherlock]

Think you hit the nail on the head about your friend struggling to bf. I did too and when you find that you can finally do it, it does fill you with a sort of missionary zeal about the subject. Sounds like there is lots of oneupmanship in your relationship with your friend and that you feel she will judge you if you stop. Don't let her views influence your decision too much if you can.

[bostonkremekrazy]

i fed till 2.5 yrs. i chose to stop as dd was feeding a lot in the night and i was too tired.
we used a combination of milk all gone now in the night, and in the day i'd say do you want a snack - and i'd immediately get her a biscuit - which i think she rather liked LOL
took a few days of constant asking but then it just clicked and she never looked back - if your ds is asking constantly anyway maybe its worth a try.

on the perfect parenting front, just ignore your friend, if her LO is barely talking she's not that perfect is she? (special needs aside obviously)

[pictish]

Well I think you'd be very silly to carry on with something you don't need or want to, just so you can keep up with your friend.

[Waitingforsherlock]

Ignore the smugness. Why do people feel that breastfeeding is some sort of competitive sport? I breastfed my three, until the ages of one, two and a half and three respectively. My last dc would have still been doing it now I suspect, ( she's seven). I tried telling her it had run out, she was too big now and that it had gone off. I rubbed garlic on my nipples, (' Mmmm Mummy it tastes like garlic chicken') so in the end I had to go hardcore. I must state that she was only having one or two feeds a day, so I knew that she really didn't need it anymore. I fed for such an extended time primarily to help her immunity and because she got such comfort from it. But she was pawing me all the time, once whilst having a serious conversation with one my other dc's headmaster and although I could laugh off her shouts for 'booby' in public, I felt it was time to stop.

A friend of mine recommended putting stop and grow on. I paved the way by telling her that it had gone off; remember by the age of three we could have really in depth discussions about things; it only took one application and she stopped, proclaiming that booby had gone bad. She didn't even ask for it again. I probably missed it much more than she did and then went into a period of feeling really sad about stopping. It's a really hard decision to make and perhaps if you are away and you feel she likes the comfort, wait a month or two? She may self wean by then anyway.

I am now awaiting a flaming for my probably more common than you think unorthodox methods.

[JasperDamerel]

I breastfed my kids until they self-weaned, but although I know lots of mothers who breastfed their children past toddlerhood, I know hardly any who didn't at least nudge their children into weaning at some point, and I had periods of time where I restricted feeds.

The thing about breastfeeding a child or an older toddler is that it's much more of a two way thing than it is with a baby, and your feelings do matter. I think cutting down or stopping is absolutely fine as long it's something that you are happy with and that is done in a way that is considerate of your child's feelings.

[Kennington]

Admittedly I struggled so badly at the begginning with breast feeding and mixed fed, that I breast fed for over 2 years in the end
It was tough to stop though