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AIBU?

Wedding dates

76 replies

WastingTime123 · 02/04/2016 15:10

Do you think either of these brides are BU? Angela and Rachel are both engaged. Their finances are cousins, but very close, think more like brothers. They have grown up together and see each other every week.

Angela has been with her DF for nine years and got engaged 18 months ago. One month ago they booked their wedding for June next year.

Rachel got engaged one month ago. She has been with her DF for two and a half years so a lot less time than Angela. A week after getting engaged she and her fiancé booked their wedding for May next year.

Do you think it matters/ is important that Rachel and her fiancé are getting married before Angela and hers, even though Angela and her fiancé have been together for nine years? Honestly, would you be a bit miffed attending Rachel's wedding if you were Angela?

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hairymelonwalton · 02/04/2016 15:44

the only worry i would have is if it got a bit comptetive
people fall out over whose dress was better, she stole my idea for the cake. it can start to get abit silly but if your both ok with it ,it should be fine
congratulations btw

honeyroar · 02/04/2016 15:48

One of my pretty close friends booked her wedding for the day after mine, and as we live 350 miles apart it meant that neither of us could attend each other's weddings. It was the only date she could have at her venue that summer. We are still friends. My only regret was that I didn't get to go to her lovely wedding.

On the flip side, we upset a distant friend of DH as we booked our wedding on the same date as his (very special date, same no for day, month and year). They've never spoken to us since. We never socialised with them, I'd only met them once and had very few, if any, friends in common. We were only "Xmas card" friends really.

EllaHen · 02/04/2016 15:49

No, no, no - do not offer to move the date. Jeeso, this is a non-issue.

What if she says 'yes, please'?

Hassled · 02/04/2016 15:51

No, I don't think she would be justified at all. I just think that you need to look at this long-term - if she is hacked off about it (and you don't know that yet - ask her), then you have a lot of years ahead together with possible bad feeling. Is it worth it?

DinosaursRoar · 02/04/2016 15:54

If you'd asked before hand, I'd have said that perhaps you might be a tad 'thunder stealing', that yes, they should have got on with it, particularly if you have a bigger budget than theirs. (In reality, weddings that close together in a family, people will compare them and if there's an obvious difference, it might take the shine off the cheaper wedding).

I'd also say that for many extended family, 2 weddings that close together might mean they have to chose which to go to, particularly if there's travel involved or if anyone is struggling financially - but if you are sure that's not going to be an issue, then 6 weeks gap is enough time between weddings.

DinosaursRoar · 02/04/2016 15:55

Sorry, my first sentance doesn't make sense, the brackets are missing try again:

If you'd asked before hand, I'd have said that perhaps you might be a tad 'thunder stealing' (while yes, they should have got on with it), particularly if you have a bigger budget than theirs.

coconutpie · 02/04/2016 15:56

Do not move the date! Do not discuss the date with the other bride. 6 weeks is loads between weddings. If Angela really wanted to get married, she wouldn't have waited 17 months to finally set a date. I don't understand getting engaged and waiting for months / years on end to set a date. When DH and I got engaged, the first thing we did was set a date!

If she asks you to move the date, tell her she can move HER date if she feels so strongly about it. By the time she's getting married in June, she'll have been engaged nearly 3 years, a few more months of waiting shouldn't be that big a deal then to her.

BackforGood · 02/04/2016 15:56

No reason for anyone to be miffed.
No reason to move the wedding.

When you are young, it often happens that weddings come along together all in the same year - it's just about the age of your friends and cousins / siblings, etc.

DinosaursRoar · 02/04/2016 15:58

oh and yes, if you could move the date, I might just quietly do that to being after theirs, or even go earlier, but a lot earlier - a winter wedding (Christmas/January?). would be a very different 'feel' and enough time between to avoid it feeling like they are one after another.

stiffstink · 02/04/2016 16:01

I'm going to need to know the gist of the Facebook comment. We all need to know.

expatinscotland · 02/04/2016 16:01

No. Angela is ridiculous.

PinotEgregio · 02/04/2016 16:03

Don't offer to move the date. Doing so would suggest that you think you've done something wrong, and you absolutely haven't.

This reminds me of a friend spouting some bollocks a few years back about how we (friend group) would have to make sure we got married in different years so as not to "steal each other's thunder", ffs. Either people care about you getting married or they don't. There isn't an annual (or monthly) quota of caring-about-people-getting-married that can be used up by one couple with none left over for the next.

A few of us got married in the same year and it was grand.

expatinscotland · 02/04/2016 16:05

I wouldn't ask her or offer to move the day or anything. Just ignore all the shite on FB.

YouSay · 02/04/2016 16:08

No don't offer to move the date. Ridiculous. Guests won't be comparing the weddings and as for stealing her thunder - no one honestly cares apart from the bridal party.

Donthate · 02/04/2016 16:08

If she's bothered that's her problem.

BYOSnowman · 02/04/2016 16:09

I have known two people who have purposely booked their wedding beforehand because they felt it was their due to get married first. One of them had been engaged ages but objected when her friend booked her own wedding so booked hers a fortnight before.

What was annoying to both brides in the two cases above was that it was done deliberately and the whole run up was marred by comparison and competition

On the basis there was no sinister motive to booking when you did I ant see why Angela would be miffed - especially if you only have 15 guests in common

cowbag1 · 02/04/2016 16:10

Angela should definitely have got a move on, I really don't understand long engagements then a sudden rush as soon as someone else announces their engagement.

That being said, if Angela booked her date first and you knew about it (if that's how I've understood your OP), I'm going to go against the grain and say I do think YAabitU as it looks a bit like you're trying to pip them to the post, unless there's a good reason for you to get married that month and not a few months after theirs?

WastingTime123 · 02/04/2016 16:18

Angela had booked her date first but honestly there was nothing sinister in our booking. We had to have a specific date as our venue doesn't host private functions for six months of the year so it was all dictated by that really. Their wedding is 50 miles from ours and in a very different type of venue. Our whole thing was booked six days after we got engaged, just down to personality really we knew where we wanted it to happen and so didn't need to visit a lot of places.

I'm not justifying it, I'm genuinely interested to see if people would object to this if they were Angela.

Angela's DF did send a cold (again open for interpretation but both of us thought it...) message to my DF when he informed him of the booking.

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incandescentalright · 02/04/2016 16:19

Why on earth is the wedding date everything to do with the wives and nothing to do with the husbands?

WastingTime123 · 02/04/2016 16:22

Incandescent - Ours was a mutual decision, as I'm sure theirs was, but I've been told that Angela may be put out over our date. If she is I'm sure she's put out at both of us and not just me!

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TheNaze73 · 02/04/2016 16:22

What a load of fuss over nothing. You've done nothing wrong & neither has she

PinotEgregio · 02/04/2016 16:23

purposely booked their wedding beforehand because they felt it was their due to get married first.

This makes me quite sad. Marriage is a slightly weird thing of taking something private and personal and making it public and permanent. It should be a BFD. If someone is getting married to score a point on someone else then they are not taking it seriously enough and shouldn't be doing it at all.

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misskatamari · 02/04/2016 16:24

If she does have a problem, she's being ridiculous. Don't engage, don't let it become your problem. You've done nothing wrong, just get on with looking forward to your wedding

razmataz · 02/04/2016 16:28

What did Angela say on FB?

You have done nothing wrong - if you'd booked it for the day before or the week before then I can see why she might be a bit annoyed as it could be interpreted as trying to steal her thunder, but it's 6 weeks!

Plus, regardless of the length of time they've been together, she's been engaged for 18 months and not booked the date until now - she's had plenty of opportunity to get married before you if she wanted.

I'd get your fiancé to ask her fiancé if there's any bad feeling about it. If they're that close they should be able to have an open and honest conversation. I don't think you should move the date mind you, but if there is any underlying bad feeling (however unjustified), better to deal with it now than let it rumble on.

Are you a close friend of Angela yourself? If not then it's more your fiance's issue than yours.

WastingTime123 · 02/04/2016 16:30

I have always got on well with Angela when I've met her but she's not a close friend, someone I see and socialise with at family events.

The Faceboo comment was: "Ten years on, we've stood the test of time at least! 2017 is going to be our year, (hashtag)Wedding2017 WeddingOfTheYear

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