to ask managers how they view time off work for kids being ill?

[MaximumHoldMousse]

Hi I would really appreciate some insight please! My preschooler has got an awful bug, keeps vomiting after every drink, really nasty. I was working from home when I had to collect from nursery. I emailed in to explain situation, and that I thought she would sleep so I could continue with work but she stayed awake so I couldn't till late at night (managed to get work done in the end). Today my OH was of with her. She can't go to nursery tomorrow so will have to be off I think. I would just really appreciate anyone who has parents working for them, how do you feel about this? Does it happen a lot? Am really new (1 month) into my job and worried it looks bad.. But then I feel daft for worrying..

tl,dr: how annoyed would you be if your employee was off work because their child was ill?

Thanks! x

[ctjoy103]

Mn is not a good place to ask about this. The reason being that most of the managers are women who have children so they get how it is.

I agree with this too. You will find a very biased view here as opposed to rl employers. You have barely started, only a month in and already looking at 2 days off, it really doesn't look good for you.

[PurpleCrazyHorse]

We had carer's leave to allow you 24hrs to make alternative arrangements for your sick dependent. Obviously less easy for some. For me, I was most sympathetic when both partners shared the care and when parents were also happy to go the extra bit to catch up on work (which there always was unless leave was planned).

For me, DH and I would take half days off each so we were both around to do our work each day and to prioritise urgent work. I'd also come in early or stay late to make up the hours. My manager never had a problem with me being off with this arrangement.

[AStreetcarNamedBob]

The only time I get really cross is when it's only the mother taking the time off to look after them. When the father of the child is also involved but doesn't share any of those days I can see why people discriminate against women of child bearing sort of age when offering jobs. It's a pain in the neck.

[HunterHearstHelmsley]

I'm fine with it as long as it's followed as it should be.. i.e. time to find suitable alternatives. It's frustrating when people expect to just have the time off paid. A lady I manage had 6 days (equivalent of 2 weeks for her) off with her child and I had to put it through as unpaid, I allowed the first 2 days.

Equally I'm happy to give time off for sick parents etc.

[OllyBJolly]

Time off in your first month in a job would be an alarm bell for me. Childcare isn't just day to day, it's also about having a safety net when that childcare isn't feasible. I haven't worked anywhere that had the additional resource to cover for frequent absence.

If an employee works hard, rarely has time off, and makes some attempt to catch up and relieve pressure on colleagues, then it's going to be more accepted than someone who has to stay at home every time a toddler has a sniffle - which is often.

It depends how important your job is to you. If you want to make a career of it, I'd look for some kind of emergency cover- relative, childminder, friend etc.

[MaximumHoldMousse]

Ha, good point. Wasn't really sure where else to post though!

[MilkTwoSugarsThanks]

Those of you who expect to see both parents making the effort - do you have any compassion for those in (possibly) abusive relationships where the father refuses to take time off?

[ctjoy103]

Milk do you really think employers should get involved in their employees domestic relationships to that extent?

[LunaLunaLovegood]

Someone told me yesterday that their partner's job (male) comes before hers 'because he is paid more'. My take on this is that although DH is better paid than me, if either of us lost our jobs we would be screwed, we need both incomes to pay the bills - therefore both jobs matter equally.

[MaximumHoldMousse]

Thanks for all the replies, really appreciate it. Is such bad timing :/
My OH had her yesterday so we are dividing it between us. He's been at his job longer so made sense. I think the problem with this bug is that nobody wants to look after a kid who's being sick all over the place
If she had a cold the nursery would take her but with D&V they need 48 hrs since they last had an 'episode'.

In terms of my career this is my ideal job and it's taken ages to get here, desparate not to mess it up. Hence my post!

[DreamingofItaly]

It's tough because it's your first month and it could give a bad impression. Saying that, if you're trusted enough to work from home in month one then I'd guess you're in a well respected position.

A chap that works for me works from home when his children are poorly and I've never seen a drop in performance so I'm fine with it. In my opinion that's what it comes down to. Can you still do your job with a poorly child?

Sit on the sofa watching frozen with your laptop, start a bit earlier, work a bit later. To me, if you're getting things done it's not a problem. If you've got a screaming baby behind you and you're on a conference call, that's a bit more of a challenge.

[Mistigri]

You need to check your work policy and have an honest discussion with your boss.

I have a management role at a big company with reasonably family-friendly policies. Certainly for office staff there is a lot of discretion and I think that most of us know who's reasonable about leave and who isn't (in practice because it is a company which treats employees like grown-ups, there is very little piss taking).

[vdbfamily]

I work for the NHS and our trust has a policy of 5 days annually (pro rata if PT) for special leave. This can be sick children,personal emergencies, funerals etc. The expectation with sick children is that you take a day to organise a solution if possible. After the 5 days you would have to take A/L or unpaid leave.
I also get annoyed with the expectation that it is always the mums that take time off , although there is one guy I manage who tends to take the time off as he will be payed by the NHS but his wifes employer will not pay. That is frustrating for me as a manager but I can see why they would make that choice!

[Mouthfulofquiz]

Personally, I agree with the person upthread who said that as long as both parents are making the effort to share the burden then I think it's just part of life. But I'm saying this as a mother of two who works for a company that has a very family / life friendly ethic. I have team members who don't have children but do have other commitments of the same importance and I afford them the same deal. So if x has to take a day to look after a parent who is poorly then that is also fine. It's paid back in happy employees and loyalty. No-one has taken the piss yet so long may it continue!

[VimFuego101]

Honestly, in your first month at a new job, I think your DH should be covering. They don't need a reason to get rid of you at this point, they can just ask you to leave.

In general, as long as both parents are sharing the time off, I don't have an issue. I think enforcing rigid rules and blanket bans on things like this means, in turn, that employees will generally work to rule and not go the extra mile when the employer needs something urgently. 'My husband earns more than me so he can't take time off' absolutely wouldn't wash with me though. I don't employ your husband and what he earns has no impact on my department's workload or deadlines.

[SirChenjin]

Kids get sick - it happens. We have a limited amount of carers leave we can take and so that usually covers the worst of it, but as long as the member of staff is hard working and reliable the rest of the time then we just accept that these things happen - and if they can work from home during the time they are off then so much the better.

Looking after a sick child is stressful enough - me adding to that pressure by cracking the whip and coming down hard isn't going to make the child get better any faster and certainly isn't going to foster a sense of cohesion and respect.

[kawliga]

In terms of my career this is my ideal job and it's taken ages to get here, desparate not to mess it up. Hence my post!

OP, in that case I would advise you to do everything possible to make it work. At least until you have a chance to prove yourself. Don't go in asking for time off when you're new, in your first month only. And don't allow mumsnet to make you complacent as it's guaranteed that most posters here will say 'don't worry, it'll be fine, your employer will understand' when the truth is that it's a very competitive world out there. If you can't do the job, someone else can.

Different if you have skills that very few people have, obviously in that case you can get away with much more as they won't want to lose you.

[dementedma]

As a parent and a boss I understand the issue. I would be OK with the occasional absence while other support was being out in place, but persistent occurrences would piss me off. I would expect the employee to take the time as annual leave ( if they had had several absences already), or would be having a quiet word off record to see what the home situation was and how/if the company could help.

[SirChenjin]

Agree that in the first months your DH should take time off.

[maydancer]

Well the law is that you can take
time off unpaid to sort out care for a sick child under time off for dependants
Seems some people on here are unaware of this legal right. Furthermore employers need to be aware that more women than men are primary carers and so discriminating against a mother who has had time off to care for sick kids could be construed as srx discrimination

[JoolsSchmools]

I can't share the burden with DH as he is on an 8 hour contract yet works 50. If DD is ill and he takes time off he doesn't get paid. Whereas I do. So its a no brainer for us. Luckily DD hasn't been a sickly child so far so my work are ok about the odd occasions I haven't been in.

[Fivegomad]

Maydancer
I think most on here are aware of the law on this issue.
However, as pp's have mentioned, it is more about how you are perceived. If you want to progress, persistent absence does not look good, however unavoidable it is.
This is just one of the things that happens when you are a working parent. It shouldn't be like this, but in reality, it is, and the OP should always keep this in mind.

[whois]

it happens, but you need to take steps to minimise disruption to work. So you and DO each take a day, not just you. You use an emergency childcare service of it's going to be more than a day or two. If you want to 'WFH' you bloody do actually 'work' and be available when you are needed on the phone. If you are taking leave you do get a few days of parental leave at my work.

[maydancer]

What is this emergency childcare service that takes sick children?

[StitchesInTime]

Given it's your first month in the job, I think it would be better for your DH to take the day off if at all possible.

You're probably too new to this job to have a feel for how sympathetically your particular workplace views time off for children's sickness, and it's relatively easy for companies to get rid of employees in the first few months.

FWIW, most of my manager's have been men with SAHM for wives, who've only needed to take time off for this sort of thing themselves if both the wife and children were ill at the same time.