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AIBU?

to be hurt my DD (6) doesn't call me mummy anymore?

70 replies

officebairn · 03/03/2016 13:15

Am I being a big baby or is that a little bit early?

I've asked my DH to always say 'Oh show it to Mummy' or 'See what Mum thinks of that' etc. but he doesn't. He often calls me my first name in front of them and to them. It's sort of upsetting because it's clearly rubbed off on her and she's stopped calling me Mummy or Mum at all now.

Anyone else had this? Is it hopefully just a phase?

OP posts:

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ComeonSummer1 · 03/03/2016 13:54

We have friends whose kids call harm by their first names.

I always feel a bit sad for them as you only get one mum and dad and only you can call them that. Anyone can use your first name.

Still each to own.

diddl · 03/03/2016 13:54

"he's not doing it on purpose"

Really?

I mean you've asked him not to & he still does.

It's hardly bloody difficult to say "take that to Mummy/your Mum..."

I guess he doesn't care about being called Daddy/Dad then?

But even if he doesn't, that doesn't mean that he shouldn't respect that you want to be called Mummy.

crystalgall · 03/03/2016 13:56

Wait what? Your DH says 'go to Nat' instead of 'go to mum/mummy'?

Sorry that is super weird. Do people do that??

shoeaddict83 · 03/03/2016 13:57

My DP's youngest (6) has suddenly started calling him by his shortened name (eg. if his name was Simon it'd be Si) and if he does we correct him and say his name is daddy, if he does it again just to be funny the DP usually says he wont be replying to him or doing whatever it is he's being asked to do until he starts using Daddy again. its getting less and less so must be working a bit!

Thurlow · 03/03/2016 13:58

YANBU. It's probably illogical but I wouldn't like it either, and especially not when your OH is doing it. Surely most people just say "Take it to Mum/my?"

LoveBoursin · 03/03/2016 14:00

I can see why you are upset. I would too. There is something about remimding your dc that you are their mother not just a random adult.
It's a shame that your DH doesn't want to that. What is his reason to not refer you as 'Mum'? And whatever his reasonning his, does it mean he expect his dc to call him by his name too?

I know when I was a child, I would have used my mum's name onlly when I was really upset and absolutely wanted to be heard. Si it would go something like, 'Mum, MUM, MUUUUM, TRAAAACY' (Not my mum's name but you get the gist). So i tend to equate calling my mum by her name with being angry too....

drspouse · 03/03/2016 14:03

My son is three and has called me by my first name for at least a year. He was very tickled to find DH and I had 'other names' and has stuck to those.

Mine is 4 and started using our other names about a year ago for the same reason. He talks about it more than using them though. He also plays with them, especially calling DH something along the lines of "Davey Dave". He plays with other people's names too e.g. DC2 is Alexy when we only ever use Alex, his favourite soft toy is Tiggy instead of Tigger etc.

ricketytickety · 03/03/2016 14:09

Mine tried it out when she was about 4. I told her that she got to call me mummy and I'd liked it, because no one else could call me mummy. Don't understand why your dh uses your name - does he call his parents by their names? It sort of demotes you or depersonalises you from your loving mother role. You need to tell him you don't like it.

NattyTile · 03/03/2016 14:13

My daughter tries to call me by my first name. I refuse to acknowledge her until she calls me Mum or Mummy, Mother, whatever, but not my first name. She does it to be cheeky, it isn't a mistake. So I don't let her.

EnidB · 03/03/2016 14:22

I call my parents by their first names, everyone I know thinks that is strange, but it is just what we ended up doing.
My husband pointed out to our DC that they were the only people who would ever all him Dad or Daddy - and they were both so struck by that they call him Dad (13) and Daddy (7)
Good luck!

lavenderdoilly · 03/03/2016 14:29

Your dh should respect your preference. Lazy not to. We use mum and dad when dd is in the room and the conversation involves her interacting with one of us. We usually call each other by our first names when talking to each other about something unconnected to her. It ain't hard.

WitchWay · 03/03/2016 14:50

your DH ought to be saying "take it to (your) Mummy / Mum" - very odd not to IMO

BillBrysonsBeard · 03/03/2016 14:59

That's really odd OP, "take it to Nat" He's not talking to a colleague! He needs to stop it and then she'll stop, she's enjoying copying her daddy.

Rainatnight · 03/03/2016 15:02

Have you asked her what's going on for her? I ask because when I was a bit older than her (around 9/10) I started to call my mum by her first name. The reason was that I'd called her 'mam' all my life but had started school in a posher area where I was teased mercilessly for it, so started to call her 'mum'. She didn't like that , I had a bit of a crisis and just figured that her name was easiest for everyone.

I'm not saying anything like that is going on here but these things can be complicated.

officebairn · 03/03/2016 15:04

Didn't want to correct her as technically she's not wrong and it might confuse her more. I've said things like "only adults call me Nat, you can call me mummy" but she seems to enjoy calling me my first name maybe to feel more grown up?

Will definitely nag DH a bit more about it, just needed to know if I was being silly or justifiably upset. Thanks guys

OP posts:

bibliomania · 03/03/2016 15:06

Misread your title as "to hurt my dd because she doesn't call me mummy". Thought that was a bit of an over-reaction.

My dd started calling me by my first name when my parents were staying with us and obviously they call me by my name. She also called her granddad by her first name, copying my mother. She found it very funny and then grew out of it. I thought it was quite cute.

officebairn · 03/03/2016 15:07

Also, my 15mo learning to talk and would feel totally shit if he picked it up too.

OP posts:

villainousbroodmare · 03/03/2016 15:07

I think your DH should support you in being referred to in whatever way you personally want.
I personally cannot bear "mummy" and insist on my name.
I find it terribly depersonalising and I loathe the English-y sound of it.

SquinkiesRule · 03/03/2016 15:16

My oldest calls his Dad by his first name, has done since he was 3 but calls me Mum, or Mummy if he's being sarcastic. The other kids don't. We have no idea why, I always refer to Dh as Dad, as in "Ask your Dad" Never talked about Dad to him using his first name. Some kids are just odd I think.

00100001 · 03/03/2016 15:57

She won't get confused. Just correct her. It's not hard!

00100001 · 03/03/2016 15:58

if you're not prepared to do anything about it - stop complaining

SirVixofVixHall · 03/03/2016 16:02

My dd tried to do this v briefly, when she was about 4. I pointed out that anyone can call me SirVix, but only she and her sister get to call me Mama, and so it was really special and important to me. She didn't do it again. I have friends who call their dad "Robert" but their Mother "Mum", and it is rather odd, it makes him seem like the lodger..!

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RabbitSaysWoof · 03/03/2016 16:09

It's not unreasonable of you to tell her tho that your name to her is Mum or Mummy if it hurts your feelings, and your dh is being a cock encouraging it, how hard is it to remember? As others have said I would stop answering to it.
What if she found out her teachers name is Sue and prefered that to Miss Young or whatever, can she choose to call her Sue even if that is disrespectful to the teacher? Should her feeling grown up be the most important thing?

VagueIdeas · 03/03/2016 16:18

Didn't want to correct her as technically she's not wrong and it might confuse her more

That's nonsense. She isn't confused, she's just mirroring her dad. She's old enough to know that Mummy and Daddy have names but she doesn't need to use them.

I totally agree that calling you "Nat" so deliberately makes you sound like a colleague. I actually think think it sounds cold and loveless.

Is everything ok in your marriage? Is there any chance he's trying to undermine you or mess with your head?

Momamum · 03/03/2016 16:29

Slightly off tack, but what do you think of this?

A neighbour is 84, her daughter is 61, neighbour's sis- in-l is named June. And neighbour still refers to June as "your auntie June" to her daughter, even though there's no other June in the family..

Just...why?

To me there comes a time when 'auntie' etc.is dropped, particularly when the niece is an OAP and there's no-one else in the family with that name to be confused with?

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