Or is my mum re Mother's Day plans?

[PiperChapstick]

In our house, like Xmas, we rotate Mother's Day days out- so one year I spend it with DD and DH just the 3 of us, another year we all do something with MIL and then another year we spend it with my mum. (FWIW I wouldn't have it this way if it was my choice but it's what we decided to best please my mum everyone).

This year is my mum's turn and I booked for us all to go for afternoon tea at a country house hotel.

Sadly, DHs nanna (MIL's mum) died on Saturday. She is of course devastated and taking it really hard. She is single and is feeling very alone so we have seen quite a bit of her since the weekend and I asked her to join us for afternoon tea. I couldn't bear the thought of her being alone on Mother's Day after losing her own mum (DH does have siblings but they're all useless and hadn't made plans with her for Mother's Day haven't even visited or called her since nannaILs death, just a text message from each of them )

MIL accepted and was really happy to join us, says she'll need a treat by then.

Told my mum, who is now in a sulk with me, as she thought it would just be me, her and DD (actually DH was coming all along!). I explained that MILS mum has died and she said that whilst it's very sad, she doesn't get many days just me and her, and MIL had her day last year.

AIBU or is she? I think she's being spectacularly fucking selfish!!

[PhoenixReisling]

She is behaving like a sulking child.

Yes, she may well have been disappointed....but where is the empathy?

It may well be Mother's Day, it may well be her year but are the other times you meet not special.

OP I would tell her that you are disappointed with her reaction and that not everything is about her. However, you can understand that she was looking forward to it so have organised X at another time.

[MrsHathaway]

Hmm.

She's obviously being a cow. And MIL will obviously be sensitive eight days after her mother's death even without the idea of mother's day being rammed down her throat by tv etc.

But personally I'd be tempted to rearrange for fear she would upset MIL - it's not like you'd be able to stop her if they were sitting together.

I absolutely get that you want to spend time with DH that day. I wonder whether it would be possible to have a just-you-three morning, then you and DD see your mother for tea, and DH has a quiet afternoon with MIL.

I think that is sort of pandering, but it would be possible for you to say quite sharply that you didn't trust her not to spoil things for MIL whose feelings must absolutely be paramount at this difficult time.

[ZenNudist]

Her lack of empathy is really off putting. It makes her seem like a horrible person. If she is going to silk anyway she might as well have something to sulk about. If she can't be nice to MIL tell her she'd be best staying at home.

[grannytomine]

Maybe she felt very disappointed and didn't think. Maybe she will realise, I hope so as obviously you MIL deserves a bit of support and a treat.

[grannytomine]

We always invited my mother and MIL but now our mothers are no longer with us we don't bother much. One of my sons suggested a meal out on Sunday but I declined, I am doing a buffet lunch and they can all drop in or not but I suppose my kids are lucky that I don't mind if they all go off and spend time with their partners mothers. We can have lots of quality time 364 days a year, or 365 this year, and don't need to be told that a certain Sunday is March is more important than any of the others.

[2rebecca]

I won't be spending mother's day with either of my kids as one is at uni and the other away at a friend's. They may send me a card (daughter probably will son will probably forget or send a text). My mum is dead and my husband usually pops a card through his mum's some time over the weekend. Maybe the making a big deal of it rather than just sending a card and flowers and meeting up another time is part of the problem.

[green18]

I think that it's just one day, they get to spend time together every other day of the year, so spend mothers day with your respective Mums, probably a few hours top and then get back to together at home. I think it's nice for mother and child to be together without the child's partner.