DH playing mortal f'ing Kombat with DS aged 4.5

[Bizzy2011]

Title says it all, he says its fine as he's explained its not real and he 'covers his eyes' during gory bits.
I'm hopping mad at his attitude, DS informed me that 'its not really mummy and fighting games are'nt very good'. DH all 'research is inconclusive' blagh blagh.
Any advice, links to solid research that if necessary I can shove somewhere painful on DH?

Thanks in advance.

[ThorsLady]

That being said - DD wouldn't get to play these games but if she happened to walk past and saw DH playing a game like that, and stayed around to watch for a bit... I'd go and have a cup of tea, maybe a Kit Kat if I happened to feel adventurous... I definitely wouldn't run to my laptop and start a thread about how furious I was that she watched it.

[Schwabischeweihnachtskanne]

I don't think anyone is claiming violent games turn you into a serial killer but there is a lot of evidence that they desensitise children to violence

for example

[Schwabischeweihnachtskanne]

*people, not specifically children

[tinkerbellvspredator]

Options you have got apart from what you've already tried: remove the game and replace with suitable kids ones. Don't let him have it back until he agrees not to play with DS. Give him one chance then sell them, Chuck the PlayStation out the window whatever, Ie put your foot down.

You could point out that SS consider this abusive and threaten to call them for advice if you think that would get it through to him.

[mummymeister]

thorslady google subliminal effects of exposure to violence.

wait until your 2 yr old is 5 and goes into school and starts acting out these 18+ games and you get called in for it. and yes, it is an issue for schools and rightly so.

then you can be all indignant about your rights to raise your child your way and not think about your responsibilities not to let a toddler see someone's head getting blown off time and time again as if its a normal thing.

[ThorsLady]

Mummymeister, you sound like you have a birch tree stick up your ass about this.
I'd like to think with the exception of seeing fake violence, I'll bring my daughter up well enough not to walk into a playground with a block of C4 and blow something up...

My mother did, I knew games were just games, I didn't walk into the playground and start trying to blow up my peers... I think you actually sound completely ridiculous.

[ThePebbleCollector]

wait until your 2 yr old is 5 and goes into school and starts acting out these 18+ games and you get called in for it. and yes, it is an issue for schools and rightly so

I don't think this is necessarily true at all. But you never know how susceptible your children are until they have already been influenced. So it's not worth taking the chance.

Hence why I played GTA on the PC when I was about 10 (not graphic but graphic language), Mortal Kombat, Die Hard, watched night of the living dead and watched Eddie Izzard stand up. But was an timid geek at school with top marks. Had no effect on me, and pretty chuffed I got to do some stuff other kids didn't.

Still won't do it with my child though (I mean she will prob watch and play some things earlier than ratings state if I make my own decision on that) But there's every chance all the stuff I watched could have had me playing out the violence, and there's a chance my daughter could develop a certain attitude from things too.

It's never a guarantee, but not worth the risk.

[rumbleinthrjungle]

Sigh. It's just lovely seeing how putting this kind of furniture into a small child's imagination works out... if it helps to tell your dh horror stories I once had to sort out several three and four year olds in tears and furious parents through one child working out some of the scarier bits of what he'd seen on tv/computer games in the home corner at nursery and telling the other kids all about it. Just lovely when you see a tiny telling you all about the dead baby and who killed who and where the blood was when the other kids were playing making dinner and bathing the baby. Mum of the child was mortified, Dad insisted he'd watch what he wanted when he wanted and the kid would be fine. Basically he meant his child's needs came second to getting to do what he wanted in the moment.

[mummymeister]

sorry Thorslady I had no idea that many years of research with thousands of pounds spent on it are actually wrong and you are right. Seeing violence from a young age has absolutely and positively no effect on young children. phew, so glad that you cleared that up for me.

[CocktailQueen]

Your ds is 4.5, FFS!

Aren't there any more age-appropriate things your dh could be doing with him? You know, like toys?

He sounds like a complete muppet. He can wait till your ds is 18 to play games like that with him.

[mummymeister]

well said rumbleinthejungle

[OneMagnumisneverenough]

Glad to see your ability to empathise and understand others points of view have not been effected there Thors

I honestly do not stick rigidly to the age ratings, I research and make my own judgements based on my own children. But pre school children do not need to see x rated violence. Lazy parenting.

[OneMagnumisneverenough]

I agree there are loads of other things that could be being done with the children. Why not take them to the park? Play role play games, do puzzles, build bricks, bake? Save the games for when they are in bed.

[mummymeister]

Glad to see your ability to empathise and understand others points of view have not been effected there Thors

yep you beat me to it.

[Coffeethrowtrampbitch]

I don't think the issue is really the violent game. We all have different thresholds of what we consider acceptable for our children to watch.

The issue is you've said to dp you didn't like him seeing that, and he ignored you.

You are his parent. You should be listened to, especially as DS doesn't sound that keen on playing it.

I'd hide the disc. If he's going to childishly ignore your opinion on your own child, you can childishly hide his games because you don't want him to play them round your son.

When he is ready to have an adult conversation where he respects and listens to you and DS he can get it back.

[ThePebbleCollector]

I guess you'll find that most people agree that.

Voilence is not for a pre schooler - ever.

Most parents are not completely strict on ages on games and films but do research in each instance to find out why something has a certain rating and figure it out based on their own child's personality/abilities.

That your OH is just being a lazy parent and needs to be doing more age appropriate things, regardless of whether your child is going to re-enact fatalities or not :)

[PoundingTheStreets]

Personally, these sorts of games leave me cold, and some of them IMO give cause for concern about the way we portray minority groups, etc. But that's all an aside. A healthy, well-adjusted adult can play these games without turning into a mass-murderer or anything.

But that's not a four-year-old.

The part of the brain that separate fantasy from reality is in the frontal lobe. Children start the process of separating the two as young as two, but the frontal lobe itself doesn't actually reach full maturity until the age of 25. While it is different for everyone, the average age at which most children can separate the two is about 6, but this can be blurred significantly depending on social norms - e.g. the 9-year-old who still believes in Santa. The trouble is that constantly exposing children to fantasy violence that appears very real (as compared to say Tom and Jerry), is that it serves to blur that line in the developing child's mind.

DH needs to learn that there are far more appropriate, nurturing ways to bond with DS over father/son time than violent computer games that could actually hinder his social development.

[OneMagnumisneverenough]

Whatever happened to parents and in particular Dads (though I'm aware that is sexist :o ) taking their kids out to have a kick about with a ball?

[ricketytickety]

This will be totally led by your dp. Your ds will not have asked to play this game at 4 years old - he will have been asked to play by your dp. It's totally not necessary and way beyond his years!! What's your dp trying to prove? There is no reason why a 4 year old would be interested in this game - the playability is beyond his years.

You are going to need to keep on about it and everytime he puts it on and invites your ds to play, say 'daddy must have put this on by accident as it is for grown ups only and you can't play it. You know that daddy - did you forget? Now, let's play [something suitable]'

[Bluewombler2k]

I found out yesterday that my exP lets our ds6 watch Fallout 4 when he has him. Ds says he doesn't find it scary but I am livid. Thing is I know if I tell exP to stop he just won't. Thought about threatening to limit contact but that isn't fair on ds as he loves his time with his Dad (this being probably on of the reasons why). There is a reason he is my ex. Sorry to hijack your thread a bit OP but I'd be grateful on handling this situatiom too.

[ColdTeaAgain]

DH is a teacher and witnessed a 6 year old repeating very choice phrases from call of duty recently which were then promptly repeated by one of the of the other boys on the table as they do. He only discovered it was from the game as the little boy told him so very matter of factly. It's awful.

Might not be the most mature approach but personally if DH will not see sense on this I would hide any inappropriate games and refuse to return them unless he agrees to keep them away from DC.

He is being a complete idiot about this tbh.

[OneMagnumisneverenough]

Bluewombler, he isn't actually spending "dad" time with him though is he? He's continuing to do exactly what he would do if your DS wasn't there. So effectively DS is gaining nothing and ex is doing nothing.

I don't mean that children shouldn't be engaged in their parents interests, but when those interests are adult interests rather than things a child should be enjoying then it is just sheer laziness.

An shared activity should be where the participants have an opportunity to look each other in the eye from time to time, not one where both parties are staring at a screen.

[mummymeister]

Bluewombler2K you could show him some of the information from this thread if you think he might take comment from strangers rather than you. If you think he likes being with his dad because he gets to play these games could you have a talk with your dc about it and explain why they aren't such a good idea?

the repeating it in school is taken seriously, certainly it is in our local primary where parents have been called in to explain. personally I would have been livid if mine had come home repeating some of the choice phrases from these games.

the depiction of women in some of them is just woeful.

[Bluewombler2k]

I complety agree Magnum but my son won't see it like that. I need to find out more from exP about how many times he has actually done this with him, even though he will lie about that too.
I seem to find myself having a go at him more about crap in the last 6 months or so as it seems like he thinks he can relax his attitude with DS since he turned 6, he's still only 6 ffs!

Time to do tough love for awhile I think, even though ds will resent me for it but it might make exP rethink his ways and Disney Dad attitude don't even get me started on that

[Bluewombler2k]

That's a good idea Mummymeister (bold has stopped working), thank you