3 year old and hand holding

[HandsoffGary]

Wanting to canvass opinions on this one. If you are walking along a road with traffic with a 3 year old (just turned this month) wouldn't you want to hold their hand?

At that age they still lack impulse control so I thought that this would be a normal thing, hold hands with the adult in charge, if numerous children then multiple hands held etc.

Obviously talking to the child about not running in the road, checking for cars coming and using Green man to cross where possible?

Am I being a PFB?

[MyFavouriteClintonisGeorge]

Children differ. My PFB was completely reliable about roads and going off on his own, and although I usually held his hand at that age, I didn't always need to.

My PSB on the other hand, is a bolter through and through. I will probably still have to hold her hand when she is 12.

OP, just tell them you know your child and he does need to be holding hands with an adult.

[AnnieOnnieMouse]

My older one was a wanderer, younger one not so bad. I used reins until they were about 4. I do recall one day ds, then about 5, was being so awkward I took the reins off the 3 year old, and put them on him. Reins are so useful, you can just hook them over your arm to have both hands free in a shop, and the little sods darlings can't wander off. I like the look of reins disguised as backpacks.

[myname2016]

I don't like holding hands so don't personally but it's obviously not PFB to do otherwise.

[MERLYPUSSEDOFF]

I hold my boy's hands when we cross. They are just 8. (mind you everyone drives like idiots around our school)

[Schwabischeweihnachtskanne]

I mist admit that if my older two grabbed my hand when I was about to cross the road I'd assume they were intending to help me not needing help - and they are only 10 and 8 :o When both of them did their road crossing training at age 5-6 they insisted on being in charge of crossing roads and would stick their arm out to indicate they were about to cross (as they are taught to at Kindergarten here) and then escort me across :o

Kids here are massively conscientious and aware about roads at primary and early pre teen age as it is so heavily drummed into them by police and Kindergarten, with lots of full on training at age 5-6, and reinforced conscientiously by most parents - wears off a bit in their teens when a love for walking in the gutter on village roads seems to become a symptom of puberty (possibly they are the ones who actually need to be holding their mum's hands) but there is still a great respect for walking a bit further to cross at crossings, even in adults :o

[megletthesecond]

If they won't hold hands then I'd use reins or a buggy.

I hate seeing toddlers and preschoolers darting along next to roads without an adult holding onto them.

[Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost]

No you're not being PFB at 3 years old. I hate that PFB saying

[BlanketsAndBiscuits]

Not PFB at all. I have backpack reins on nearly 2yo DD as she's a bolter and refuses her pushchair. Could not give a fuck about the looks or comments I get when she's wearing them. Busy road and we live right next to a river, I am not taking any chances with her.

[RubyChewsDay]

I used reins on DD, shes nearly 3, if she saw someone she knew or a bus etc, she would leg it. I definately cant trust her.

[ComeonSummer1]

shwab

Sounds idyllic where you live but defiantly not to be practised in most parts of Britain.

Funnily enough as a cm I had one parent object to my use of reins and I had to refuse their child as no way could I treat their child's safety as casually as they did.

Op use that phrase with your very silly sil.

[Hagrid3112]

I'm a nanny for 4 kids aged 2-8 and if I have all four of them, I carry the 2yo, the 4 and 5 yo hold my hands and the 8 yo either holds onto my bag or my back pocket, or walks closely behind one of the others so I can still see her. It's not just their crossing abilities you need to worry about. They can do everything right and a rogue cyclist or inattentive driver can come along without them noticing.

[NeedsAsockamnesty]

Having watched my own child trapped under the wheels of a lorry then dragged down the road.

Followed by having to be told no less than 10 times that she was not expected to make it through the night.

Over 80 full on operations

Almost 3 years in total in hospital

Even being put to sleep for dressing changes.


I feel compleatly confidently able to say, if you have a small child and do not hold their hand then you are a fool.

I can not even find enough words to describe the horror of watching all of that nor the guilt involved.

[MrsMook]

I used reins with DS1 until I had to use crutches. I couldn't push a buggy, and the swing of the crutches yanked him around and tangled us. He was a sensible toddler and trained up easily to keep close. DS2 is more of a bolter so I keep hold in some way more frequently than with DS1.

I rarely go to places that are busy with people or traffic. The "main" road through the neighbourhood is still quiet and has a generous grass verge as a buffer between the pavement and road.

I put reins on DS1 when he was 4 and we went to a busy tourist market as it was too easy to become separated. He was quite happy on that occasion.

For me it depends on the circumstances of child and location.

[CalleighDoodle]

I hold ghe hands of my 5 and 4 year olds even when not crossing the road because it takes seconds to lose them.

Once when approaching a road, a car was coming along and my dad put his arm out to stop me crossing. I was 32. And i had atopped and was very unlikely to bolt with the pram.

[ComeonSummer1]

Oh sock how bloody awful. My deepest sympathy to you and your dc.

My own dd was badly hurt I'm an accident and the guilt is dreadful even though it's unwarranted.

I do hope your dc is on the mend now. Xx

[NeedsAsockamnesty]

She's in her mid 20's now and yes she has recovered still has ptsd and a huge amount of scaring but other than that she's doing ok.

[tibbawyrots]

Sock

I still grab my 19yo DD's hand AND my OH's hand (he's 63 in June) when crossing the road. Not both at the same time, that would be weird.

[Xmasbaby11]

DD is 4 and I always hold her hand crossing the road. I am sure I will do so for years to come. She is becoming more reliable, but used to be a real bolter and she is often on the buggy board on busy roads. I really have to keep an eye on her as she runs off sometimes and is extremely fast. I have a 2yo too so it's not easy - hence buggy board. To be honest, even not crossing the road I am very careful and often make her hold onto the buggy.

[Xmasbaby11]

Needsasock, I am so sorry for what your and your child went through.

[foxessocks]

At 3 on a main road or any road with quite a lot of traffic I'd insist on holding hands yes.

My 2 year old is very good and doesn't really run off so if we are walking along our very very quiet road I let her push her buggy rather than hold hands but I keep her on the inside of me still and am always prepared to grab. I won't let her walk too far ahead or behind. Any other roads see had to hold hands and had been told that from 11 months old when she first walked. Small children are unpredictable.

[Husbanddoestheironing]

Same as previous posters here, all depends on the child. DC1 no problem, never ran off, held hands when needed. DC2 absolute nightmare, refused to hold hands anywhere, so reins until nearly 4 (and even after that I had to keep the reins in my bag as a threat until about the end of year 1)

[ComeonSummer1]

Good to hear sock

[BernardsarenotalwaysSaints]

Not pfb at all! My DD (just turned 3) goes on the buggy board for main road crossing & has to walk on the inside of the pavement by the pram or no further than the next lamp post on quiet residential roads. DD (6) & DS (4) have to hold the pram for main road crossing & the same rules apply for quiet residential roads. When we cross quiet roads DD (3) has to hold the pram & DD (6) holds her hand & DS holds the pram on the opposite side. If it's just me & the older 2 they often choose to hold my hands rather than go ahead, I like it, they won't want to do it forever.

[missymayhemsmum]

YANBU, forcible hand holding if required (or strapped into pushchair if they protest).

Though according to my pfb, telling her that the reason the flattened hedgehog in the gutter was dead was that it had let go of its mummy hedgehog's hand was cruel and traumatic. Did the trick at the time, tho

[Arseface]

Depends on the child and their mastery of the good old stop command for walking ahead on wide pavements.
Would never let a 3-year-old child cross even a quiet road without holding my hand.
I have 4 dcs, ranging from 14 to 3 so it's definitely not pfbish.
Show the loon this thread. Delete any references to her first though .