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AIBU?

3 year old and hand holding

103 replies

HandsoffGary · 23/02/2016 12:37

Wanting to canvass opinions on this one. If you are walking along a road with traffic with a 3 year old (just turned this month) wouldn't you want to hold their hand?

At that age they still lack impulse control so I thought that this would be a normal thing, hold hands with the adult in charge, if numerous children then multiple hands held etc.

Obviously talking to the child about not running in the road, checking for cars coming and using Green man to cross where possible?

Am I being a PFB?

OP posts:

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JonSnowKnowsNowt · 01/03/2016 08:59

Larry - no, it is to do with lack of ability to accurately judge speed; brain not fully making use of peripheral vision information etc. This is quite well-known, I believe. Doesn't mean that all DC below 12 will automatically get run over if they walk alone. But it does mean that they have a higher risk than older DC or adults. I imagine that whether it's a good idea to let a 10 or 11 year old walk to school alone depends heavily on the type of route they are taking - what kinds of roads they need to cross, etc.

LarrytheCucumber · 27/02/2016 16:10

I know there were fewer cars when I was a child, but people of my generation often walked to school on their own. I certainly did at Junior School, and by 11 we all had to get ourselves to school. I usually walked as it was only a couple of miles but for a while I went on my bike. This was in a large town near London, so there was quite a lot of traffic for the time.
I am stunned that children do not develop road sense until 12. Did the paediatrician mean that it is because they don't have the opportunity?

thebestfurchinchilla · 27/02/2016 10:23

What jon said.

feebeecat · 27/02/2016 10:19

YANBU - have recently been advised by a top paediatrician that no child has any road sense until the age of 12.
This did get me thinking about all those YR7 children off to senior school on their own but I was unable to query this revelation as I was too busy rushing out of room to intercept my YR6 dc who were walking home on their own at that very moment
3 is very young though, I wouldn't consider them to be reliable at that age, no matter how sensible they usually were. Only takes one lapse on their part

YesterdayOnceMore · 27/02/2016 10:11

I don't even like seeing older children run/scoot down the pavement ahead of their parents. There are so many cars that reverse out of their drives onto pavements at speed and would never spot a small fast moving child. I have seen so many near misses.

I have also witnessed many many parents who cross the road and leave their child trailing behind them across the road. It might have been safe at the point when the parent started crossing, but cars move fast.

And don't even get me started on the parents who let their children run around a car park...

So it doesn't matter if they do say you've got a pfb. I have two very precious children- that's why I want to keep them. I would not let your relative look after your child.

mommy2ash · 27/02/2016 10:10

This thread has made me realise I hold my 9 year olds hand everywhere we go. Not because she wouldn't be safe but just because we like to. I'm guessing that won't last for too much longer. At 3 someone should definitely be holding their hand

JonSnowKnowsNowt · 27/02/2016 10:06

I think even a stickler for the rules can suddenly do something unexpected. I remember when my 3yo let go of the buggy while crossing the road and darted back, because his drawing, which was in the basket under the buggy, had blown out. Fortunately no cars coming. He was a very conscientious toddler - but his drawing was a priority above road safety in his head. I think that kind of 'unexpected' event is a reason to hold hands.

kiki22 · 27/02/2016 09:47

Depends on what level of traffic if you live in a city town or village. Depends on the child as well you say lack impulse control so I'm guessing the child's a runner at 3 mine never ran away he could easily be trusted to walk next to me and hold hands for crossing the road only he's 4 now and can cross small residential roads without holding now just walks next to me. I know other kids who need to be hand held or they would run mines is just a stickler for the rules.

Booboostwo · 27/02/2016 09:12

My DD is a very sensible nearly 5yo and it's only now that she's allowed to walk in front of me on the pavement for short distances that do not involve crossing any roads. If we have to cross a road I want her hand in mine or holding onto the buggy.

maydancer · 27/02/2016 08:23

Know

maydancer · 27/02/2016 08:22

It's not fair on drivers when toddlers run amok.OK you as a parent might no your DC won't run in the road. I don't!!

LarrytheCucumber · 27/02/2016 07:54

I instinctively hold on to DGC (6 and 8) when crossing a busy road, but the 8 year old does snatch her hand away! DFGC is 3 and I would not let him cross any kind of road without holding his hand, even round here where you can hear a car several streets away because it is so quiet.

x2boys · 27/02/2016 07:44

Depends on the child I didn't need to.hold hands with ds1 at three all the time although do still grab his hand to cross the road he's nine with no road sense ds2 however is nearly six and has autism and learning disabilities and is totally unpredictable so I hold hos hand at all times I get very nervous when out with him on my own he is very good though at holding my hand.

Peanuts2000 · 26/02/2016 23:33

When my son was that age I would have to put reins on him a lot of the time as he would just run off, one time I got him out of his car seat,he sprinted off down the hill and ran across a road, luckily there were no cars coming. He is now 6 and a half and still likes to take my hand going into school, I like it too until he realises it isn't cool.

UnderTheF1oorboards · 26/02/2016 22:43

As I said, it depends on the child. He does understand enough and is good enough at following instructions. For example, one rule is that I walk nearest the road and he isn't allowed to swap sides. That helps keep him safe. They have both always known that any messing about would get them strapped into the buggy rather than being allowed to walk with no second chances, so they don't mess about.

captainfarrell · 26/02/2016 22:35

Of course a nearly 3 year old completely understands the dangers....

UnderTheF1oorboards · 26/02/2016 22:31

The OP said children that age lack impulse control. That is not my experience. Mine both understand why roads are dangerous and they always stop. They know they are not allowed to walk near the kerb so they don't. My 5yo tells me off if I walk on a tarmacked pavement because it looks like the road. Sometimes they do want to hold hands, which is nice, but if they don't need to in order to be safe then I don't make them.

captainfarrell · 26/02/2016 15:53

under Why take the chance?

captainfarrell · 26/02/2016 15:51

Would insist. My DDs were of the sensible kind and listened to me but when they are young they are easily distracted, a toy could roll into the road and their instinct is to run after it.
One day at school pick up time a thoughtless parent had parked up on the kerb and as we walked past, he started to reverse towards us. I had my DD's hand as usual and so was able to pull her up in the air and away quickly. She was inches from his fat BMW tyres crushing her foot.

Pidapie · 24/02/2016 08:54

Definitely holding hand!

Thinnestofthinice · 24/02/2016 08:53

I still insist on holding her hand next to the road at 5 it makes me cringe watching kids run next to main roads in front of their parents. Maybe they are more road-savvy than mine?

Nogoodblood · 24/02/2016 08:45

Depending on the height of the parents and child there is a point where holding hands can be very uncomfortable and not that safe - either the child has to have their arm punched up in the air or the parent has to stoop down to the height of a small child.

If I had a bolter I'd be more inclined to use a backpack with reins although I know some people don't like them.

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MERLYPUSSEDOFF · 24/02/2016 08:35

My 2 have never run off either but I've seen the school run drivers reverse over the pavements without looking behind them.

There is a particularly 'wide' corner near the school where they double park and leave their engine running. So even if you are vigilant you've no idea when they are about to pull away.

Road rage central near us.

UnderTheF1oorboards · 24/02/2016 00:21

Depends on the child. Neither of mine (5 and nearly 3) have ever run into the road and we never used reins. They do sometimes run ahead a bit but they voluntarily stop at roads every single time. They have to hold hands to cross but not on pavements if they don't want to. I don't get this no impulse control thing; I've never observed that in my kids.

HawkEyeTheNoo · 24/02/2016 00:11

YANBU! My DS has just turned 12 and has only stopped holding my hand admittedly he doesn't need that for crossing the road, but if we were out he'd randomly grab my hand and walk along with me, I didn't realise how 'normal ' it had become til Saturday in the shopping centre I had my arm around his shoulders as we had a wee carry on and just naturally to me held his hand and he shrugged me off! I burst out laughing and said I was sorry, he was still my wee boy but my heart was breaking!!! Looks like my little angel is growing up!!

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