3 year old and hand holding

[HandsoffGary]

Wanting to canvass opinions on this one. If you are walking along a road with traffic with a 3 year old (just turned this month) wouldn't you want to hold their hand?

At that age they still lack impulse control so I thought that this would be a normal thing, hold hands with the adult in charge, if numerous children then multiple hands held etc.

Obviously talking to the child about not running in the road, checking for cars coming and using Green man to cross where possible?

Am I being a PFB?

[FoolsAndJesters]

Not PFB but I might not have always done it Iyswim - my DC were never the type to bolt or run off and naturally (and quite irritatingly at times) tended to keep to heel but one of them once stepped into the road without thinking. He was probably 4 but I can't remember. There was no harm done but it reminded me that you can't trust them.

[hiccupgirl]

YANBU at all.

My DS is 6 and he holds my hand to cross roads and in car parks. He def held my hand when walking along at 3. Even now his attention is all over the place and he can't tell me which way a car is coming from, from listening alone.

[Mia1415]

Not PFB at all! My 3 year old DS knows that he has to hold my hand in car parks, near roads or anywhere that is particularly busy and it is non-negotiable (one of the few things I am really strict about!). I'll probably stop when he gets to 18

[BluePancakes]

Depends on the child. My eldest I probably stopped holding hands at about 2yo as she's sensible and very independent. Walking across a road I'd hold her hand though (still do and she's 8yo now), but walking along a pavement, she knew how to be safe. My younger DD I still hold hands with (she's 5yo) but that's because she wants to hold hands all the time, not because I think she needs to.

That said, it does make my heart stop when I see other kids running up to road junctions/crossings without looking to slow. If you're concerned, it's best to hold hands, especially when the child is 3yo!

[wornoutboots]

my 3 year old is told "unless you walk with me, you'll go on the reins" and I mean it.

[BeardedBear]

"Hold my hand or I will hold your wrist" is a very common sentence that comes out of my mouth at the moment. My DD definitely needs to hold someones hand walking along the pavement, crossing road etc, she is too bouncy.

DS was much more sensible and used to walk nicely next to me, often holding onto the buggy. Would still hold his hand at a crossing though. He is 6 now and I still hold his hand when we need to cross a busy road. He is a bit of a dreamer and will sometimes step out at a crossing without looking. I nearly got knocked over last week so am being ultra cautious at the main crossing in our village at the moment.

[TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams]

No YANBU. I grabbed a 7-8 year old at the weekend who was about to run out onto a busy London road after a dropped football on the way home from the park. His father who had two younger kids in tow nearly had a heart attack. It's an instinctive reaction at any age and I certainly wouldn't trust them at 3.

[StrictlyMumDancing]

I don't always hold DS (3) hand unless he's in the sort of mood where it looks like he may muck about, he's not a bolter so I've never been that worried. I always stand road side and make sure he stays with me.

Elder DD (5) though is a whole different matter, she was a hand holder or reins required child and can still need it.

[Aeroflotgirl]

My ds just 4 still has that impulse, so do some of his other little friends. Better be safe than sorry. Yes ds loves his Microscooter, but he is way to fast for me, so I have to scoot on my Micro with him, to be safe. Funnily enough, he is much slower on the bike as he cannot peddle properly yet, and it is bigger and heavier, so I can keep up with him. Will have to take my bike once he masters it though.

[Aeroflotgirl]

Usually I have backpack reins for him if we are walking, because he will just be silly, and does not fully understand the dangers of running into the road.

[SovietKitsch]

I try to hold my 12 year old's hand when crossing the road he bats me off!

[catsinthecraddle]

YANBU

Look what happens around schools! How many time do you see kids - a lot older than 3 - jumping on the road. You can't expect a little one to be responsible

[HandsoffGary]

Its seeing a close family member not hold her DD's hand, she lets her walk ahead, Scooter etc. (child is 3).

This weekend their DD recently ran into the road in front of us and the response from the Mum was just to say "stop running in the road for goodness sake" and almost seem amused.

I know its none of my business but as they are family we will be seeing lots of them in the future, they have suggested taking my DS on outings, so far have made excuses as I wouldn't be able to relax.

How they parent their child is their business but I don't want them to treat my DS the same way.

I have had a few PFB digs in the past from them. How do I deal with this?

[Theladyloriana]

Explain your feelings calmly to her, explain that unless your views about road safety are respected your dc will not be going anywhere alone with them until old enough to cross a road without guidance. End of.

[ComeonSummer1]

Defiantly defiantly don't let them look after your kid.

It's always difficult with your first baby as everyone treats you like an idiot and parents like her se to enjoy showing how laid back they are and how fuzzy others are.

Tell her a child running In a road only has to do it once to die.

She's a fucking idiot and sounds neglectful.

You are right here op and Scyou can gather everyone in here agrees sign you and not her.

[KittyandTeal]

I have a very sensible 3 and a half yo. She'll stop as soon as you say etc. However, she knows she must hold an adults hand (she can choose if more than one adult with her) by any road, no debate about it. Even if she doesn't run off it only takes and trip and a wobble and she's fallen into the road.

I also walk between he and the road iyswim.

Def not pfb, well if you are so am I.

[lessthanBeau]

I did smile at your op, and the following ones, if crossing roads with dd1 and DS I still hold on to them, they are 23 and 25 BTW, my mum still does it to me and I'm 44, I hold my dd2 hand all the time she's 7, I think it's something that never goes away, just mothers instinct.

[Solasum]

Could you train your DS to insist on holding hands? With bribery if necessary.

Having watched a boy I would judge to be 9 or 10 decide to suddenly run across a very busy London road recently and only just avoid being hit by a car going at a perfectly reasonable speed there is no way I am letting go of hands next to roads for the foreseeable.

[NeedACleverNN]

I don't worth too much about my dd.
She's 3 in March and is glued to my side 99% of the time.

However she asks to hold my hand and will even hold my coat pocket if I can't hold her hand for whatever reason.

I know if I tell her to stop walking she will.

My son on the other hand....he's not walking yet but j have a feeling he is going to be a monkey

[Pancakeflipper]

Thingywotzit - my insides did a little "awwww" reading your mum still holds your hand.

I still hold my DS 7yr old's hand near busy roads cos he was always a bit of a bolter and he lives in a dream world. It's instinct. He is very happy holding hands all the time.

There's a lovely family near us who walk to school together, and the eldest daughter (who is 15 and about 6ft tall) always grabs her mother's hand as they cross the road - makes me smile everyday.

[ComeonSummer1]

Lessthan

My oldest is a 25 year old dad and I grab him to cross roads. Instinct.

[MrsTerryPratchett]

I went to China with my 70 yo mother last year. Not only did we hold hands crossing roads there but she also, more than once, grabbed the arms of perfect strangers. The lovely people she did this to invariably patted her hand and helped her across the road.

Let's all hold hands!

[thebestfurchinchilla]

YANBU I ALWAYS would!

[WhatHo]

I think that you need to say something and if you're not feeling brave enough to do as loriana suggests, something along the lines of, "I understand it works for you that you let your child cross the road by herself but it doesn't work for me and my child. I don't mind if you think I'm PFB, if you take her out please promise me you'll hold her hand."

Also weave in some facts about children's depth perception, impulse control and their inability to react in a stressful situation, eg a car out of control? No mention of their choices so they don't feel 'got at', just explaining why you've made your choice.

MrsTerry - that's lovely! In Japan my tiny host mother also used to hold my hand crossing the road. I was 22 and nearly 6ft tall and I loved her care.