To be sick of my work colleagues attitudes towards this new member of staff?

[IsEatBedThyme]

I work in a private nursery and 2 weeks ago a new member of staff started. Lovely person, very good with the children, fully qualified, fantastic sense of humour, has a penis. Shock horror!

I appear to be the only member of staff who doesn't give a flying fuck that it's a man. The children all love him. He makes up funny stories, dances with them, sings silly songs.

Why are people so bothered about men working with children? Is it really so odd? For what it's worth, he has 5 children of his own including twins so it's not like he isn't experienced!

My other colleauges are saying some really nasty things. He shouldn't be allowed to take the children toilet or change nappies, he shouldn't be left on his own with the children, he must be gay (what the fuck!?!?).

It's disgusting. He's a lovely guy. The funniest part is, his name is common on both men and women, so when we were told he was starting, we were only told his name and not that it was a man. The shock on everyones faces when he was introuded was hilarious. It didn't bother me one

[madamginger]

My ds1 in yr2 has a male teacher and he is amazing, he has 4 of his own and you can tell, he's calm and funny but strict when he needs to be.
DS has come on so much this year because of him.
My children's school is unusual that there are male teachers in half of the classes. DD also has a male teacher. He is just lovely too.
it's one of the reasons we pick their school

[boredofusername]

tkband3 the same here. DS had a marvellous male teacher in year 6. He also left (fortunately at the end of year 6, not part-way through) because he and his wife were moving to the coast.

[WickedWax]

I have to be honest, when I went to look around DS nursery, there was a male nursery worker and for about 30 seconds I did think "hmm, why's he working here, not sure I'd want him left alone with DS, changing his nappy, etc". Then I caught myself on and realised I was being a bit of a dick. But that was my initial reaction. I can't even explain why.

[AStreetcarNamedBob]

What the hell?? That's awful!!

Poor man he can't fail to notice the whispers. I'm gobsmacked at those attitudes.

[RebootYourEngine]

This attitude is disgusting.

I had many male secondary school teachers and it wasnt frowned upon so why is primary or nursery any different. My ds had a male nursery nurse and a male primary teacher. I think its good that men are doing these jobs because i think it is healthy for children to have male role models.

[squaretoes]

YANBU op, my DD would LOVE a male nursery worker, she always gravitates towards men (probably because she utterly loves being thrown around)

[sparkleonthedancefloor]

I work in early years and it seems to attract a lot of personality types who are very quick to judge, very bitchy, and sometimes very unwelcoming to anyone new or slightly different. Might just be that I've had a run of bad luck with nurseries though. But this doesn't surprise me at all.

[GruntledOne]

Can you see if there is any diversity training happening locally (maybe contact the council's education department?) and suggest the staff get sent there? Maybe make a point of asking the trainer about men in Early Years settings?

[Xmasbaby11]

That's awful. I really hope it doesn't put him off the job as he's obviously talented.

[Slutbucket]

We all of a responsibility to challenge these attitudes OP. You also need to be vocal of you hear bitchy comments. You don't have to be confrontational just that you don't like their comments.
I did this at work once. A collegue volunteered for scouts and he was called a few names. I told the people that it wasn't on. We were quite senior in the organisation so should have known better.

[Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost]

YDNBU. Its a disgrace when "nursery workers" need urgent training on diversity and difference, which. They clearly do.

[SoupDragon]

^Tbh? I think it's a crap attitude but I think it's also very understandable.
How many times have we been told that for safeguarding issues, children should never be in their own with a child, let alone when that adult is a man?^

Seriously?

Imagine if a woman was getting hassle in the workplace purely because she is female.

[nonicknameseemsavailable]

there was a man at my daughters' preschool and all the kids loved him, he was absolutely brilliant and he is a real positive for the nursery (lots of parents are heard recommending it partly because it has a male member of staff - parents of girls and boys alike). At our primary school there are now 6 or 7 male teachers and again the experience of them is more positive than a lot of the female teachers. Such a shame that some people can't recognise this.

Perhaps they are jealous because he is better at the job than they are?

[AGreatBigWorld]

Your post could refer to my nephew OP(only he doesnt have children). he has just started at a nursery and is the lone male member of staff. I would be so upset if people treated him like this guy is being treated!

[AlwaysDancing1234]

YANBU my DH works in early years education and encounters this a lot, until people get to know him then they realise he's bloody fantastic!
If the situation was reversed and a woman went to work in an all male place like a garage say and was treated so appallingly it would be a different story.
Make sure your manager knows how your colleagues are behaving and tell the guy he's doing a good job and ignore the bitches!

[PittedOlive]

Agree with a previous poster that this kind of attitude absolutely needs to be challenged, and that it sets back any kind of equality between the sexes.

In part, of course, this isn't just about brainless prejudice from the under-educated who can't distinguish between a paediatrician and a paedophile - it's about how undervalued (financially and socially) traditional 'women's work' like childcare still is, so there's bafflement and hostility about a man choosing to work in a nursery.

The thought process runs something like 'He's a man - why would he choose an unprestigious 'woman's job' of his own free will? There must be something else in it for him. Oh, I know, he's a paedophile, and is using it to get close to children!'

[Bogburglar99]

What also intrigued me was that when we came to appoint a Headteacher, many of the parents expressed the informal view that we ought to appoint a male Head (we didn't).

So a man undertaking the day to day care and education of little kids - somewhat suspect. A Man In Charge of said care and education, highly desirable.

[Bogburglar99]

Which I meant to say, reinforces olives point above about the value of different sorts of work. I haven't yet heard the suggestion that paediatricians shouldn't be male.

[caitlinohara]

YANBU, we have a male nursery worker. My dad was a primary school teacher for 35 years and his bosses were always trying to push him into deputy headship/headship. They couldn't understand that he didn't want to because he just wanted to teach and didn't want a leadership role that would take him away from the children. I don't think things are any different nowadays - the only male teacher at my son's primary is expected to take over when the current (male) head retires.

[LovelyFriend]

When I had DD1 I had a male midwife for part of the time (though not the delivery itself). He was great.

I was initially a little that he was also the breastfeeding support midwife & I'm not convinced that would work very well with many women (there are many Muslim women in my area for example), but he was absolutely fine at that too and ensured feeding was going well before we were discharged. If women who haven't BF can be BF support then absolutely men can too. (Though the most effective and important BF "support" I received was from older women who had BF themselves).

OP I am appalled at how your colleague is being treated. People really are very thick.

Our children really need more men in early years/primary care and teaching. Both my DC love it when they get a male supply teacher - there is only one FT TA at their school and not FT permanent teacher - oh apart from the head teacher of course! They adore their (female) teachers don't get me wrong, but they also really enjoy having a male teacher.

[AdriftOnMemoryBliss]

i've worked with guys before in nurseries, they're always a HUGE hit with the children, they love it, so i really think those attitudes of people not liking it stink.

My DC's school has quite a few male teachers, most of them teach key stage 2 though. There is only 1 KS1 male teacher, but he's the Lead, so he has regular contact with all the students, and the HT & Deputy are also both male.

[LumpySpacedPrincess]

That is the problem with enforced gender roles, people start to believe that only one sex can do certain jobs, which is bollocks!

Normally, women get the shitty end of the stick and we end up in the low paid, caring roles. Talk to your colleagues frankly and tell them to stop being mean and give him a chance.

If the behaviour persists, complain.

We need more men to be openly doing these jobs so that it opens up the definition of what it is to be a man. If more men did jobs like this the jobs would probably pay more as well.

I am sick to death of gender as it is narrow and destructive. If you are good at the job, do it. We need more men to fight the narrow, toxic masculine role they have been assigned.

[2ndSopranosRule]

This is absolutely awful. On so many counts.

I had a friend at uni who was doing Child Development. He'd been a nursery nurse for many years and now wanted to go on to teacher training (he was a mature student). He was the only chap on his course but none of his peers gave a monkeys. He'd loved his job, but faced the same issues as your colleague. He was very committed to his career though and he said that ignorance wasn't going to stop him.

We lost touch when we graduated and I often wonder if he achieved his goal.

[Hooleywhipper]

I work in a school for children with special needs,out of about 60 staff 3 are men. We need more. The children respond so well to them. If we get a male student, teacher,Physio or nurse the place lights up. They just bring new energy and a different perspective.

[PittedOlive]

What also intrigued me was that when we came to appoint a Headteacher, many of the parents expressed the informal view that we ought to appoint a male Head (we didn't).

So a man undertaking the day to day care and education of little kids - somewhat suspect. A Man In Charge of said care and education, highly desirable.

Exactly, Bog. It's like the assumption that day to day cooking in the home in terms of grinding out lunchboxes and cottage pie is a 'woman's job', but top-flight Michelin-starred chefs running the kitchens of prestigious restaurants are default male and it's seen as too macho and competitive an environment to be a natural fit for women.