To be sick of my work colleagues attitudes towards this new member of staff?

[IsEatBedThyme]

I work in a private nursery and 2 weeks ago a new member of staff started. Lovely person, very good with the children, fully qualified, fantastic sense of humour, has a penis. Shock horror!

I appear to be the only member of staff who doesn't give a flying fuck that it's a man. The children all love him. He makes up funny stories, dances with them, sings silly songs.

Why are people so bothered about men working with children? Is it really so odd? For what it's worth, he has 5 children of his own including twins so it's not like he isn't experienced!

My other colleauges are saying some really nasty things. He shouldn't be allowed to take the children toilet or change nappies, he shouldn't be left on his own with the children, he must be gay (what the fuck!?!?).

It's disgusting. He's a lovely guy. The funniest part is, his name is common on both men and women, so when we were told he was starting, we were only told his name and not that it was a man. The shock on everyones faces when he was introuded was hilarious. It didn't bother me one

[LagunaBubbles]

If you are interested Stat I can PM you a link to my DHs website to

[LagunaBubbles]

Statisticalychallenged, think Ive maybe spoken to you before about this, although I have name changed since then (in honour of a holiday to California )? Im in Scotland.

[Creatureofthenight]

I actually meant we as in decent rational humans, not women.

[Dollymixtureyumyum]

Anyone remember the friends episode with the male nanny!!!!
My DS loves the man who works at his nursery and all the best teachers I had a primary school where both men

[StatisticallyChallenged]

Same here Laguna, DH is a CM although we have expanded. there's something like 400 childminders registered in our city and only single digit men- and several of them part of husband and wife teams. Solo male CMs...I'm only aware of 3.

[LagunaBubbles]

I have to be honest, when I went to look around DS nursery, there was a male nursery worker and for about 30 seconds I did think "hmm, why's he working here, not sure I'd want him left alone with DS, changing his nappy, etc". Then I caught myself on and realised I was being a bit of a dick. But that was my initial reaction. I can't even explain why

This makes me so sad. Somewhere somehow you associated the fact hes male with the possibility he would abuse your DS, just because of that.

My DH is a male childminder, which is even rarer than a male nursery worker. Thankfully his mindees parents trust him to change their kids nappies if necessary.

[LovelyFriend]

if we're fighting for women to be able to be physicists, engineers etc without discrimination, then we also need to fight for men who want to work in childcare who should be able to do so without being subjected to nasty rumours.

I do agree with this ^ statement but what really sticks out is that the "WE" who are fighting for equality of the sexes needs to involve many many many more MEN!

It saddens me that "WE" i.e women, need to sell equality to men with the "men suffer too" and "men will benefit too" lines in order to involve more of them in changing the system so it is more equal for everyone.

Yes gender defined roles hurt us all SHOCKER!

[EBearhug]

many of the parents expressed the informal view that we ought to appoint a male Head

It might be different parents saying men shouldn't be nursery nurses - but otherwise, if you want men in charge, they need to have the opportunity to to work their way up and gain experience. You can't have it both ways.

[ephemeralfairy]

A good (gay, male) friend of mine is a primary school teacher. He's a brilliant teacher and has done really well, but he almost quit during one of his first placements because of appalling attitudes like this. Makes me angry.
OP, do you think the guy at your place is aware of all the nastiness? Is it bothering him? If so you could make him aware that you find the comments of the others unacceptable, and that you would support him in making a complaint.

[StatisticallyChallenged]

Dh works in childcare and you do come up against a lot of prejudice. We've gone down the route of being really obvious about the fact it's a male run setting which helps a bit as the really prejudiced folk don't come near!

It's crap though. We were actually keen to employ some guys as we wanted more balance and it seemed appropriate with the company name but we've struggled - there's so few guys in the industry

[Bogburglar99]

One of my kids teachers was (shock horror) also gay.

I never saw what relationship that had to his ability to teach a class of four year olds.

[drspouse]

My DCs' nursery has two male permanent members of staff (not completely sure if there are also male supply staff). Both funnily enough have names that can be male or female and one of them is now known as let's say "Alex the Man" which the children started calling him (I think there is also "Alex the Lady" who may just be known as "Alex" but it was the children who named him thus!)

Both my DCs love the male staff who are in their respective rooms - my DC2 who was about 18 months at the time vastly preferred Alex the Man to her official new carer which was mildly embarrassing what with DC2 running off to Alex and crying at the sight of her named carer every morning!

At our nursery supply staff can't change nappies but permanent staff can change any child's nappy even if not their named carer (as obviously if named carer is off sick or on holiday someone has to be able to) and AFAIK Alex the Man therefore changes DC2's nappy pretty often (while our regular - female - babysitter who is supply staff at the nursery and knows our two quite well is not allowed to).

[Jibberjabberjooo]

I'm a Children's nurse and wish we had more men in the profession.

My eldest has a man working at his nursery and he loves him!

I also had a male community midwife and he was brilliant.

[Whotookmyruler]

Terrible attitude. I am absolutely delighted that my DS has a male teacher

How would she like it if it was in reverse!

[OnlyLovers]

I bet that if more men became interested in working with small children, then it would magically become a more respected career choice.

I agree, treacle, but it's a bit of a circular one IMO – why WOULD more men want to work with small children if the prevailing attitude is that they must be paedophiles?

It's very difficult. I really feel for this guy, and other men who may want to work with kids but feel (rightly, it seems from this example anyway) that they'd be viewed with suspicion if they did.

[Lockheart]

It wouldn't bother me at all. I find it extremely attractive when a man is good with kids. Is he single, by any chance?

Your coworkers are being completely out of line and ridiculous. Is there no-one higher up you could raise the issue with? Do you think it might be worth having a quiet word with them one-to-one?

[treaclesoda]

this is slighty off topic, but I bet that if more men became interested in working with small children, then it would magically become a more respected career choice. Whereas at the moment it is often viewed (even in a formal nursery school setting) as 'playing with kids for a few hours a day'.

[Creatureofthenight]

Poor guy, I bet he's noticed their attitude. I hope it doesn't put him off. Equality works both ways - if we're fighting for women to be able to be physicists, engineers etc without discrimination, then we also need to fight for men who want to work in childcare who should be able to do so without being subjected to nasty rumours.

[Pepperpot99]

This is very concerning but, as other posters say, quite widespread. No wonder there are so few male teachers in primary schools, if the default assumption is that 'if they are male they must be paedophiles'.

[BarricadesBabe]

Because it would be so dreadful if he was gay. People are rightly making a big deal about the sexism here, but I'm surprised the homophobia hasn't had more of a dragging!

I must admit it wasn't my first thought but yes, this as well.

[TitClash]

I remember years ago there was a case in the UK when a family was told their nanny could only be a man, and he was refused a work visa.
There was also a case in the '80's or 90's where a detective at New Scotland Yard who was also a foster parent was put on the paedophile register, because of a ruling that if the Yards social worker heard 3 separate rumours that someone was a paodophile, it must be true.
There was no court case, none of the foster children had complained about him, and they had to change the law to allow him to carry on doing his job. The police didnt think he was a paedophile, neither did social services.
I realise that sounds like I made it up.

One of the problems with these idiots is that their false accusations dont make children any safer. Its very sad to see how little progress has been made in the last 30 years, as this is exactly how the Satanic Abuse scandal started.

[OnlyLovers]

At best that's very sad. At worst they could seriously smear his reputation, if they share any of these appalling comments beyond the nursery staff.

What happens if you pull them up on their comments, OP?

I kind of hope the owner and useless manager end up facing a grievance.

[JizzyStradlin]

Because it would be so dreadful if he was gay. People are rightly making a big deal about the sexism here, but I'm surprised the homophobia hasn't had more of a dragging!

FWIW there's a male nursery nurse in DC's nursery. He appears pleasant, competent and well liked by the children. Just the same as the unpenised ones. I can't say it bothers me which sort of genitals, if any, they all enjoy rubbing theirs up against in their spare time.

[LumpySpacedPrincess]

They just bring new energy and a different perspective. With their magic penisis!

We don't have to treat them as heroes either, or any better at doing the job. It just smashes the idea that these jobs are exclusively for women and that childcare is something only women can do.

[HooseRice]

Both my kids had male primary teachers and nursery workers. My concern was whether they could no their job or not. The chattering among some of the parents got on my nellies.

One of the teachers had "Bad Joke Wednesday" where the class were encouraged to tell their corniest joke. I thought I'd have loved a teacher like him when I was a kid and it was a fabulously bloke-y thing to do.