to be upset at my parents lack of interest

[RhobarbRhobarb]

I think I probably am and need a talking to. One of my teenagers is involved with an amateur dramatic society. She puts a lots of time into rehearsals and they will put on their annual production next month in the local theatre. I have asked my parents if they will come. (They didn't come to last years) they replied immediately that they had other plans (it runs for 3 nights and they have plans for one). I even offered to get them tickets and bring them there and back. I said "That's fine I understand" but really I feel like crying. I think I might be a bit PMTish though so hence posting here. My DD will not say anything either but really everyone else will have grandparents and aunts and uncles there and my DD will have me only. I believe my parents think we put too much emphasis on her drama interest and disapprove and as they are quite controlling this is their way of expressing their disapproval - they never ask about what she's doing either even though they do love her very much. They also do go to the theatre regularly so it is not from a complete lack of interest (though I do understand that am-dram can be hard going). Do I need to grow up and get over this?

[tobysmum77]

I'm sorry OP I know they're your parents but they sound just awful.

Pretty much sums it up. They didn't talk to you for quitting some crappy job? And yanbu at all but they are going to be the ones who lose out in the end.

[OnlyLovers]

a stoney silence for a few months

I can understand them not being desperate to go to her production, but resenting her and giving her the silent treatment (for MONTHS!) because she's not that keen on something THEY want her to do is not reasonable or rational.

TBH I think she's better off without their 'support' if it's so conditional.

[AlwaysHopeful1]

Yanbu, would it really put them out that much to spare one evening. How mean.

[LidikaLikes]

Sounds like my ILs!

Mine are crashing bores who deem themselves so sophisticated, yet are about as suave as Mrs Bouquet, eating After Eight mints at 7:45pm.

My 5 & 3 year old had got some stick on tattoos at a friends party and MIL was very upset about it. Feck off please!!!

I'm an actor and I know they are very cats-bum about it.

[Xmasbaby11]

Yabu. I wouldn't expect extended family to come.

[bearleftmonkeyright]

My DD does am dram and my parents love to see her and are extremely proud of her involvement. It's hard work, endless rehearsals and a lot of responsibility for a young person. It has given my DD confidence and she has chosen drama as an option. Yanbu, you should be very proud of her. It's a shame your parents can't do the same.

[Twitterqueen]

I'm going to disagree with all bar one poster here and say that I'm afraid YABU.

Amdram clearly means a lot to you and to your DD but I wouldn't expect anyone to come if they really didn't want to you. You, yes. Her dad yes, siblings yes. Anyone else is an added bonus.

I think you are being a tad u, PFB and over-emotional about it.

[CrystalMcPistol]

I don't she's being PFB about their stony silences!

[Lonecatwithkitten]

I have this with ExPIL, but to an almost more frustrating level. DD is heavily involved in musical theatre two shows a year. My parents travel 500 round trip every single time to see her.
My ExPIL are very musical, but only classical music so won't travel 3miles to see their DGD. They also let her know that she is interested in the wrong type of music. The most frustrating thing is the musical director of their classical choir is also the musical director of DD's musical theatre group.
I feel stuff them now so didn't tell them when she sang classical music in a Cambridge college chapel at Christmas - I went alone nearly bursting with pride.

[HopelesslydevotedtoGu]

Love conditional on meeting your expectations of which hobbies and jobs are 'worthy' isn't the same as truly loving someone for who they are.

My own father was like this, rubbishing my interests and sulking that I didn't enjoy things he thought worthwhile. It has led to a very negative relationship between us.

I would let your DD know that she can drop their sport if she wishes, and if they sulk tell them they are being ridiculous, with some humour I think that will make them sound even sillier if they respond badly again.

[NotMeNotYouNotAnyone]

I doubt DD will really be the ONLY one. When I was a kid my extended family all lived miles away so no aunts uncles grandparents etc (funny really cause I have about a million of them!)

Yanbu to be upset but it's not going to change anything, just don't let your DD see that you're bothered and she won't be.

[AutumnLeavesArePretty]

YABU, you and her dad are the ones that should be there, anyone else is a bonus. Nobody should be forced int going if it doesn't appeal.

I hate amateur drama but will tolerate for a relative who adores it. Friends try and get me to buy tickets to see their children but the kids don't really enjoy it and are tired as its the parents controlling the Hobbes so I won't partake in it.

[bearleftmonkeyright]

Oh come on! It's their granddaughter! The op has offered to take them. It's one evening. I am really surprised to be honest that this is seen as unreasonable.

[QueenArseClangers]

They sound like right dicks. Sorry to be harsh OP but they obviously don't deserve to have a lovely daughter/grandchildren if the play this conditional Iove shit.

Have you had a look at the Stately Homes thread on the Relationships board? 💐

[liinyo]

If the whole issue was your parents not attending I would tend to think YABU. Like your parents I love the theatre and attend regularly but I find AMDRAM a total ordeal. Having to give up an evening to go out and watch other people practice their hobby is hell for me. One of the few advantages of my own DCs being grown up is no longer having to attend their plays and concerts and have to be polite about all the other amateur performers (my own incredibly talented DSs were, of course totally professional, charismatic and eminently watchable).

However, I DO think participating in any form of performance is fantastic for young people and I if I am ever lucky enough to have grandchildren I would encourage them in this or any other hobby they were passionate about. If your parents non-attendance is an expression of control or disapproval then it is them that are BU.

[Headofthehive55]

I agree with the thought that expression of love means you go and support them in their hobbies. I can't imagine why you'd not want to.

we support each other's hobbies here, likewise my children have sat through concerts that DGrandad has played in and Dgrandma has performed in.