To actually be OK with the kids leaving home (shouldn't I be in bits?)

[BlondeOnATreadmill]

I knew the kids would be going off to Uni. I absolutely dreaded it. I mean crying and all sorts!!

Well, DS left last year. DD is going in a few months. Meantime, she has a job nearer to her Dad's work, so she's been staying there a lot.

And. I Am Ok.

WTF?

I have noticed things. The washing basket is always empty. The fridge is always full. There is bread in the bread tin. There is milk! The house is always tidy.

I have thrown myself in to exercise classes and swimming. I am losing weight. I am looking good.

DH and I are having noisy sex.

But.... I feel guilty, because I am not crying! I am preferring to see the positives!

Perhaps this is a self preservation thing? How do other people cope?

Is it wrong that I am choosing to see this as a good thing?

I am 46. DH is 43.

Thanks for reading.

[EponasWildDaughter]

3 DDs 18 and over (and one 2 year old DD)

The FIRST time DD1 left home (when she was about 20 she went to live at her BFs) i cried a bit. Once or twice when i looked in her room.

They split up and she came back about 6 months later.

She's left again about 18 months after that (new BF) and i was fine :) They turn up at weekends.

DD2 is sort of half gone (half here half at BFs parent's) they come here a lot and i'm fine if she decides to go.

DD3 is thinking of uni next year and i'm ok, i think.

My main problem at the mo is never knowing if i'm cooking for 2 or 8! So much coming and going! It kind of makes you want them to just make up their minds FGS

[teatowel]

I think the saying "You are only as happy as your unhappiest child " sums it up. I hated mine going, but got used to it pretty quickly and started to enjoy it. Then one of them had a lot of problems at uni which were totally unexpected and that was a real downer!

[JugglingFromHereToThere]

When DS was little he told us he wanted to live next door - with DD IIRC
So sweet

[Milliways]

I've got my campervan and recently swapped the behemoth for a. Luxury 2 berth:)

[Notagainmun]

DS1 left for uni five years ago. He and his gf bought a house together locally last year and last Sept DS2 left for uni so DH and I are alone.

I cried buckets when they both left but quickly got on with life. I am 46 and DH is Fifty and we are having the best sex in years! Don't miss the housework and listening for the door in the small hours.

Love it when DS1 pops in for a visit and look forward to DS2 coming home for Christmas, Easter etc. However, my parents are elderly and are showing signs of needing care in the next few years so DH and I are making the most of the present.

[LaContessaDiPlump]

I will be 47 and then 48 when the DC (hopefully) bugger off to uni, or a gap year, or a job, or something. I look forward to the relative tidiness!!

The feeling of being done with childcare and hopefully mortgage-free by the age of 50 admittedly we've only managed this by having 2 kids in rapid succession and choosing to remain in a relatively small house, but hey! Very pleased at the prospect.

[VulcanWoman]

Good for you! I think/hope I'll be the same, looking forward to doing lots of travelling and mostly thinking of myself for a change.

[puzzledbyadream]

Speaking from the side of a "flown" child, it's a relief to read these. My mum has ended up with an empty nest at 49 and has made it very clear we are not going to be welcomed back. I went to uni a 18, came back for 6 months at 21 and then moved away again. My middle sister moved to live with my dad last year and my 18 year old sister is a complicated one and lives in a supported hostel by choice.

My mum is thrilled we've gone. No tears from her. I am glad we're not the only children with a parent (and step-parent) who feels this way, but knowing I don't have the security of going back is a bit hard.

So often on MN I read about mums who are in bits over their children leaving. This makes me feel better!

[JolseBaby]

Sandy I remember my younger DSis saying exactly that to my Mum when she was that age. By the time she'd reached 21 you couldn't see her for dust! She was the oddity among the rest of us as well for staying as long as she did - as we'd all left home by 18. I think my parents waited about a week before turning my bedroom into a sewing and crafts room for my DM I had to sleep on the sofa - or share a bed with DSis when I came back home. I didn't mind as I was too busy off doing my own thing.

I think it's a great attitude to have. It's good for them as well - they won't feel guilty or obligated to come home, so when they visit you know it's because they want to.

[Squirrelsmum]

4 down 2 to go. I do miss them but to be able to find a clean towel or coffee mug is nice.

[pigsDOfly]

No tears here either.

My eldest was the only male in a household of females (apart from one of the cats) so I really encouraged him to move out when he was 21/22 years old as I thought he should be with his peers.

TBH by the time the youngest moved out it was more a feeling of relief that I could have a tidy house and not have her clothes to wash and food to cook.

[gamerchick]

He will don't worry. His hormones haven't kicked in yet so there's no room in his head for relationships yet.

Well unless you're happy to move his partner in as well

[sandythesquirrel]

DS is 11 at the moment, and he turned around to me and dh the other day and said, "I never want to leave home. I will just go to university in London so I can still stay at home and then I will work in London so I can still stay at home".

DH said "aww thats sweet" but I was horrified. I shuddered at the thought! I suddenly had an image of a 44 year old still living at home with his parents!!

I am hoping he will outgrow it - please tell me they do!

[BernardsarenotalwaysSaints]

We've 4 dcs. We'll be 44 & 50 when youngest reaches Uni age 39 & 45 when the eldest does. That seems so young now I've written it down! I hope we have your outlook! I think I'll probably be a little sad when (if) the youngest goes but I'm sure I'll mainly be excited for us & them. I'll just have to get another dog or 2.

[Janeymoo50]

Brilliant, that to me sounds like you did a great job in raising them teaching them to survive etc. My mum encouraged me to travel and experience life in my very early 20's, "grab every pooportunity you can" she said. She would have done me (or her) no favours by crying into her gin (tea) at the thought of me leaving home. Yes, she missed me, but in someways it strengthened our bond as she adored hearing about my adventures (plus she came and visited). Enjoy your time now (you may be blessed with grandchildren within the next decade and then a whole new phase might start).

[IDismyname]

YY to a campervan; plan to travel the length and breadth of the UK

... shagging noisily as we go

[iPaid]

No empty nest syndrome here. One down 2 to go. I want my campervan

I'm going to get a caravan and another dog - rock'n'roll chez iPaid

[JugglingFromHereToThere]

DD is 16 (Y12) and thinking about Uni options and I'm feeling quite excited for her about it all. Looking forward to going with her on a few more Uni open days in the summer. DS is 14 and also has some ideas what he might like to do though those might still change? Mainly I feel quite excited for them - and occasionally a little bit excited for me too. I have a few ideas for us for when they fly the nest too - such as maybe move somewhere else - get settled in a cosy place by the sea ready for when grandkids come to visit?!

[gamerchick]

No empty nest syndrome here. One down 2 to go. I want my campervan

[Milliways]

I found it odd when DS left as he was youngest and his sister never came back after Uni (got a job, got married etc), especially when he secured a job last summer to start after graduation this year, so won't be coming home properly either.
However, we are doing up the house which is easier when they are not living here. They think it's great that things like double glazing appear after they have gone so they don't benefit, but we couldn't afford it before, and after this summer will have no more Uni rent to subsidise.
It's also great planning weekends away etc without worrying about who will miss us.

[OllyBJolly]

We always had a good relationship, if somewhat fraught during teenage years. However, now both have left home it really is an absolute delight when they come back to visit. And it's wonderful for DH and me to have the house to ourselves.

Can your DS text daily from Oz

I hope not! Both my two went travelling and I wouldn't hear from them for days at a time. I'd hate to think my kids felt they had to reassure me constantly. All part of growing up.

[BlondeOnATreadmill]

This has been so brilliant to read your replies - thank you so much.

wickedwaterwitch thanks for the article, I am going to read that now, with my morning coffee.

stillmedusa Can your DS text daily from Oz, so you know he is ok? That sounds a bit worrying for you, but he will have a ball, of course.

I'm so glad that others are embracing this phase too. I think I have just shocked myself with the turn around of attitude. I really was in bits at the thought of them leaving. But I thought, stuff that, I'm still young, I should get out there and make the most of this new found freedom. But then I felt guilty! It's great to read that I am not alone in this way of thinking. :-)

[PennyHasNoSurname]

Dh and I are 30 and in 17 years our youngest will be of Uni age. I am always fantasising about life when my kids are grown. Not in a 'wish the years away' way just a 'ooooh freedom!' Way.

You describe the exact life I want!

And I will be sorely tempted to encourage dcs into Halls/student accom even if they stay at a local uni.

[Tapirbackrider]

You're not alone!

DD went to uni last autumn; she turned 18 in June, got engaged, bought a house and moved out all within the space of a few weeks and I previously thought that I'd be in bits, but I was thrilled for her!

It fully felt as though it was the right and natural thing for her to do. We host them for Sunday lunch/dinner, and it's just lovely to see them both grow and develop.

It's amazing, and you're not wrong to feel this way!