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AIBU?

About telling a friend to pay up.

88 replies

LovelyBath · 27/01/2016 09:43

I have a 'friend' who has a sort of craft business. First she had a family member work for her and there were problems with payment. So then after that didn't work out she got a parent at the school to work for her. They haven't got pain either, despite a loan which was being waiting on being sorted out.

This friend has been quite demanding and manipulative over the years so I have kind of let go. Yesterday I was cross about the way she treats people and worried about the parent at school who says they might not be able to afford the mortgage this month unless they get the several thousand pounds owed. I sent a text to the 'friend' owing the money yesterday. I said "I saw X, hear you owe them X. Hope you can pay them soon as they might not be able to afford the mortgage this month" I get a reply later saying they are sorting it out.

At the school pick up, I meet the parent owed the money. They are cross with me. Say they can't believe I did that, they had had a call from the 'friend' which seems not to have gone well. I have caused lots more problems now.

Oh dear. I still think I did the right thing, but I guess I should have stayed out of this mess....what do you think?

OP posts:

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Borninthe60s · 27/01/2016 10:18

It's none of,your business YABU

TheVeganVagina · 27/01/2016 10:18

Im glas you have realized that you were wrong.
It sounds to me like you didnt really have good intentions.
All you can do now is apologise and explain why you did it, and ask if there is anything you can do to make things better.

TheVeganVagina · 27/01/2016 10:19

Glad

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 27/01/2016 10:22

Yes. I do get that you meant no harm and you thought you were doing good, but it was not your place to get involved. With the greatest respect when people want the parrot. They'll shake the seeds
I actually once had someone come up to me and say. "Insert name here owes me £10. She said she'd give it me back yesterday. I've knocked there and tried to phone, but got no answer, so when you see her will you ask her to give me the money she owes me
My reply was. I can't it's none of my business.
I'd have well and truly heard the words beak keep and out, and quite right, too

Fidelia · 27/01/2016 10:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LovelyBath · 27/01/2016 10:24

To be honest, I would have thought they were trying to help me. Yes I probably am a mixture of those things.

OP posts:

wotoodoo · 27/01/2016 10:25

I competely disagree with the posters op. What you did was stick up for a friend who let you in on something that was obviously major, not being able to pay her mortgage.

The friend who told you had no right to moan at you like that if she didn't want you to intervene! To me she was asking for help!

What you did was very kind and not misplaced at all! Too many people would hear a sob story like that and shrug their shoulders, not you op so well done.

If that friend did not want your help she should have kept that problem to herself! It's her own fault, not yours. That is exactly where bitchiness, two facedness and gossip comes in when one person is not honest to another and then miscommunication happens.

You formed an opinion of what you had heard, acted upon it in good faith and so you can hold your head high.

Let the friend who told you squirm in her dishonesty or gossip or whatever it was and let the other 'friend' squirm it is out in the open now about her dodgy dealings.

FirstWeTakeManhattan · 27/01/2016 10:26

I do agree, it wasn't my business and I won't do it again

Taken well, OP.

The only thing you can do is apologise to the person in question (the one who is owed money), and hopefully everyone can move on.

I would indeed ditch the 'friend'.

Viviennemary · 27/01/2016 10:27

Perhaps you shouldn't have interfered. But I don't like seeing people being swindled either. And to let a wages bill even run up to several thousands is a bit strange. Why didn't she stop doing any work till she'd been paid.

AlwaysHopeful1 · 27/01/2016 10:31

Wot if that was the case then why was the friend then so angry for her stepping in? It's obvious she read the situation wrong and so do you.

Anyway it's good that you've realized you're wrong. Best to apologize to both of them, even the friend you don't like.

RudeElf · 27/01/2016 10:32

The friend who told you had no right to moan at you like that if she didn't want you to intervene! To me she was asking for help!

Glad you arent my 'friend'. Friends are supposed to be able to vent to each other for a listening ear. It certainly doesnt mean you want that person to fix your problems. You are an adult, you can fix your own problems yet still find them moan worthy!

LaContessaDiPlump · 27/01/2016 10:33

I think you did overstep the line, but that your intentions were good.

A person who prefers to avoid confrontation with a piss-taker will generally not be pleased if a well-meaning friend causes confrontation to happen with said piss-taker, though. What did you think was going to happen? Did you think the piss-taker was going to go 'OMG, I'm terribly sorry, here is all your money and now I've learned my lesson and will never do this to anyone again?' If so you were incredibly a bit naive.

Allyearcheer · 27/01/2016 10:34

Wotoo, you are wrong. If OP wanted to help, she should have said, 'would you like me to have a word with friend about this?' Then the woman owed money could have made a choice. When I broke down at work over the way my manager had treated me, a colleague, who is friendly with my manager, asked me if I would like her to have a word with my manager'. My answer was no,that would have made things worse. I needed to sort it myself. People often vent about problems. It in no way means they are asking others to help. If you think they are you need to ask them this, to be certain, not go ahead and take things Into your own hands.
oP I admireyou for taking this as a learning experience. Good for you.

Backstabbath · 27/01/2016 10:37

Stop giving the OP a hard time, it clearly wasn't done with any malice, way OTT in some of these replies.

LovelyBath · 27/01/2016 10:37

Um yes, probably (what La Contessa said). I am pretty naive. The person who is owed money is an acquaintance really, a dad on the school run.

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RudeElf · 27/01/2016 10:39

Stop giving the OP a hard time, it clearly wasn't done with any malice, way OTT in some of these replies.

No-one has given OP a hard time and no, it isnt actually clear it wasnt done with malice.

LovelyBath · 27/01/2016 10:39

Yes, I thunk that's what I should have said, would you like me to have a word? When it was my teenage niece was owed money, the 'friend owing' kept ringing me to get me to sort it out, contact her mother etc as the niece was sending her invoices etc. It was a nightmare. So I should have known not to get involved really.

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LovelyBath · 27/01/2016 10:42

PS Good job I'm not sensitive with some of the replies. (ringing my hands and despairing)

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wotoodoo · 27/01/2016 10:43

Not all women enjoy two faced bitchiness. I wonder why she was cross with you op, do you think she was being dishonest and bitchy or telling the truth?

Either way, you can't win so

LovelyBath · 27/01/2016 10:44

And thanks wootoodoo you've made me feel a bit better. I'm not a person to just listen to awful stuff and shrug my shoulders.

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TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 27/01/2016 10:44

This "friend" is related to you aren't they?

Letustryagain · 27/01/2016 10:46

Oh dear OP, you are getting a bit of a bashing on here but I think you know now that you shouldn't have got involved.

I have to say though that it won't be long before others who get involved with your 'friend' will start to realise what she's like and back off.

We have a very similar person in the school playground and slowly but surely the other Mums are starting to distance from her. She was upset recently about having no money and not being able to buy food and nappies and two separate Mums offered to lend her £20 (each). That same night she went for a meal with some others at a local pub, drinking and eating and one of the Mums who lent her the money was actually there and the woman didn't even seem embarrassed!. They've never had their money back... The nerve of some people never fails to amaze me...

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LovelyBath · 27/01/2016 10:46

It was the dad who is owed the money was cross, he said he'd had a call from her. I reckon she was raging at him as a result of me knowing the truth about how she uses people (is a real narcissist)

The lady herself was sweet as pie, thanking me for my concern and saying it will be sorted and she has had cash flow problems (hmm) Tried to chat with me but i was having none of it.

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LovelyBath · 27/01/2016 10:48

And no, they aren't related thankfully. I met when the children were babies and has tried to use me ever since

OP posts:

LovelyBath · 27/01/2016 10:49

Lets Try yes I think over the years everyone has done the same. Apparently.

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