About telling a friend to pay up.

[LovelyBath]

I have a 'friend' who has a sort of craft business. First she had a family member work for her and there were problems with payment. So then after that didn't work out she got a parent at the school to work for her. They haven't got pain either, despite a loan which was being waiting on being sorted out.

This friend has been quite demanding and manipulative over the years so I have kind of let go. Yesterday I was cross about the way she treats people and worried about the parent at school who says they might not be able to afford the mortgage this month unless they get the several thousand pounds owed. I sent a text to the 'friend' owing the money yesterday. I said "I saw X, hear you owe them X. Hope you can pay them soon as they might not be able to afford the mortgage this month" I get a reply later saying they are sorting it out.

At the school pick up, I meet the parent owed the money. They are cross with me. Say they can't believe I did that, they had had a call from the 'friend' which seems not to have gone well. I have caused lots more problems now.

Oh dear. I still think I did the right thing, but I guess I should have stayed out of this mess....what do you think?

[LovelyBath]

OK, I'm sorry about the full moon / PMT stuff, that seems to have hit a nerve. I'll shut up now PS Yes it does seem to have blown over (I think)

In fact I think it has made the dad realise exactly what this person is like. Hopefully he can move on now.

[RudeElf]

Can you ease off on the PMT shite, OP?

We tend to avoid casual misogyny if we can help it, don't we?

^this. (But i sense a touch of the hairy hand with this OP)

[Waltermittythesequel]

Can you ease off on the PMT shite, OP?

We tend to avoid casual misogyny if we can help it, don't we?

[Bailey101]

Lovelybath it's really hard when someone you care about is being taken for a ride - I can totally see where you were coming from, and while it wasn't the best course of action, the intentions were good.

It sounds like your friend and her DH know that you weren't being malicious or gossiping and I hope it all blows over soon.

[PalcumTowder]

People really like to hammer the point home don't they, op?

I think you've graciously accepted that it wasn't your place to say anything. Apologised to those involved and taken all these comments very well. You actually seem to have pretty good boundaries.

[Gobbolino6]

I can see why you did it, but really it's a bit like me going to my friend's husband and saying 'look, I hear you've been acting like a right twat towards x, you need to stop'. I want to, but in reality all it would do is make things worse for x.

[LovelyBath]

Tanith, I'm sure you're not a narcissistic person who does these things deliberately like this person. I would have gone a lot softer on someone who genuinely had trouble paying. This person had a big loan through and had expressly said to me and the dad it was being waited for to pay him, then she didn't contact him...

I got a text from her thanking me for my concern, and it was being sorted. (but apparently she'd called him and raged!)

Maybe it was a full moon or something (the PMT type rage in the earlier posts)

[Tanith]

I've been in a similar situation where clients have owed me a small fortune. It's not always easy to tackle them, especially if they're still your clients.

If you'd intervened and taken my non-payers to task, I'd have been very embarrassed (I shouldn't have vented to you), but I would recognise that you'd done it with good intentions. It's a lot of money to lose.
I think you've handled the aftermath well.

Don't understand why the analysts are attributing motives when they don't know any of you

[LovelyBath]

It kind of feels like most people have really bad PMT or something

[LovelyBath]

Not really, never usually post on here and think it's funny how irate people get! I've got a good few new names to keep me going though...Busybody, co-dependant, it feels a bit like when you read about the critical voice we all have inside. We don't need that with Mumsnet do we?!

I know where to come when I'm feeling too happy and confident to replenish it.

[Waltermittythesequel]

Are you on a wind up that I'm not getting??

[LovelyBath]

Thought that would get me a telling off! :-)

[fabrica]

Good god, how would you feel if someone was going around telling people you couldn't afford your mortgage this month? What on earth possessed you?!

[Waltermittythesequel]

What you did doesn't make you a hero though, sticking up for those who can't do it for themselves. It makes you an interfering busybody!

[LovelyBath]

Also, not to tolerate being treated like rubbish, or it happening to other people. Not to just sit back and watch


Anyway, that's my last words on the matter.

[LovelyBath]

I was always taught not to say anything about someone you wouldn't say out loud to their face.

I think this is good advice, generally.

[wotoodoo]

I draw a distinction about a little gripe over something and a major issue such as fraud which would lead to failing to pay your mortgage which would then result in a blacklisting from the bank and then credit score damage!

Bit like the difference between a dirty stare and being actually stabbed don't you think?

Either way, Rude et al, you wouldn't come to me with your bitching thank goodness

[redexpat]

Bailey that thought crossed my mind too.

[LagunaBubbles]

If that friend did not want your help she should have kept that problem to herself!

You have a rather odd view of friendship then by the sounds of it if you think talking about problems with friends immediately equals asking for their help - without them actually asking for help!

[ReginaBlitz]

Keep your beak out next time!

[Bailey101]

Does anyone remember the thread about the woman who had a craft/wedding business and she had a friend working for her who was owed money and wanted to see her books? Could this be the 'other side' of the story coming to light?

[LovelyBath]

Thanks for the comments about men I hadn't thought of that. There we go I'll try and put it behind me now. I have noticed that she seems to like people when they are nice to her and doing stuff for her but otherwise she ignores or rages at them. It is no excuse to not pay up and I hope he can get the money back as they only have a verbal contract. I thought about maybe suggesting he contact acas. He has never met anyone like this either.

[LaContessaDiPlump]

Good move op, that was the right thing to do I think

[LovelyBath]

Update I think I have the dad's number and texted him to apologise, I said I'm sorry it wasn't my place to send X a msg yesterday and I should have asked you first. I thought it might help but obviously not" he replied to say thank you, he appreciates it and let's put it in the past.

[LaContessaDiPlump]

I didn't realise you were asking on behalf of a man. IME (massive sweeping generalisation here) men get more offended than women if you do something 'on their behalf' because it's a knock to their male pride to imply that they can't sort it out themselves. Women, while still not being too happy about it, are more likely to acknowledge that there was kindness in the gesture. Just my experience, this is not a universal truth.

I'm inclined to forgive naive mistakes op, I have made plenty of them myself!

May I ask, are you from Britain? There is more of a 'keep out of other people's business' approach here than in some other countries, which could be partly responsible for why you got this situation wrong.