WIBU, me or DH?

[MargueriteA]

Think this might be 50/50...

At the weekend I hosted young DC's birthday party at home. DH was at work. I used the camera to take photos, and this morning we discovered we can't find the lense cap. DH is really pissed off. It's an expensive camera. I understand why he's pissed off, it's not that I wanted to lose the cap or anything. I'm almost entirely certain I put it on top of the bookcase where we normally place it when using the camera, but maybe not - or maybe someone picked it up by accident, or maybe the cat's knocked it down. I don't know. I do appreciate that technically, I have lost the lense cap.

However DH, who normally I'd not complain about as we do share childcare, housework, cooking and all that 50/50, completely copped out over DC's birthday. Didn't organise a single thing or help by a single present. (He is a bit like this with his family but I leave him too it).

So I planned, organised, shopped for, prepared and hosted a party for 10 kids in our house. Bought all the presents for DC and the kids. Tidied up afterwards before he got back from work. Took lots of nice photos and sorted and sent them on to our families to see.

While I know losing the lense cap is really annoying, I'm a bit more laidback that after having hosted our first large party in the house, if the only casualty is a lense cap (no broken plates or toilet accidents etc), it's not the end of the world. DH, however, thinks it is symptomatic of me taking less care in things. I can't say it's like I'm breaking things in the house all the time, but he probably does have a point. After a heated discussion this morning, I'm now of the mindset that if he'd helped at all with the party and DC's birthday, I might not have been so busy/stressed and so might not have accidentally misplaced the cap.

Anyone right or wrong?

[Sandsnake]

No it's not 50/50 - more like 80/20 his fault. You are certainty not being unreasonable! Maybe I'm biased as my DH is exactly like this - will pick up on the one small thing that's gone wrong rather than the loads of things that have gone right. Also has it in his head that I'm the 'careless' one and he's the 'careful' one when the reality is that he loses / breaks just as much as me but I don't make a big deal of it as it doesn't tend to bother me much.

The way I understand it - you didn't really resent doing everything for the party until he whinged about the lens cap. You linked the two - understandably IMO - which has led you to be annoyed about the party when you probably wouldn't have been otherwise. Basically a whole lot of annoyance that could have been avoided if he'd had a little more perspective with the lens cap!

[eurochick]

I have a good camera. I tend to really look after my belongings. I'd be miffed if someone else lost a lens cap but it's easily and cheaply replicable so I wouldn't be hugely bothered.

[Jux]

What if the cap had been lost under different circumstances? What if it'd been lost one sunny afternoon in the summer time when nothing much was happening, just the kids playing with the sprinkler in the garden? Would he go on and on about it the too? Or would he just shrug and get another?

What if he'd lost it? A shrug and a new one? Or something else?

[MargueriteA]

If he lost it he'd be just as annoyed with himself, to be fair